Straight Talk No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man [Hardcover]

Comedian and media star Steve Harvey has now penned his second best seller. In this book he is directing his advice to women, but I believe that men will benefit from this book just as much. The objective is to give women an informed understanding of men, and only a man could write such a book. There is no question that he is coming at relationships from a different point of view based on having living in his own intense relationships.

He knows what works and what doesn't, and he has spent considerable time trying to figure out how a man is hardwired in his brain differently than a woman. Most of us are dealing with the behavior resulting from how we think. Harvey is suggesting that we deal with the thinking itself.

A key thought that he has developed is that everything we as men do is filtered through our title, which simply means who we are. The next question is how we get that title, which means what we do for a living. The final question becomes what regard we are held in by our fellow human beings. He is very honest in saying that by this we mean what is the compensation we receive.

Harvey believes that unless we come to terms with these three questions prior to marriage, we probably can't be successfully married and therein lies the enormous divorce rate we witness in our society. Men are marrying prior to having an understanding of who they are. Without that self knowledge the relationship is doomed before it even gets started.

I believe that Harvey is touching new ground in this book, and certainly has become his own person. In the book he develops the idea that we as men have to learn how to be men before we can be anything to anyone else, who chooses to love us. What's even more important is that we certainly must do this before we can love them back.

We probably all realize by now that women prefer flowers, and yet men wish to buy them plants that will live for years. It's the same concept with weddings. Women dream about weddings, and yet have any of us ever met a man who dreams about his wedding day? Strange isn't it?

The author goes through the ages of a man's life and what a man has to figure out during each decade of his life. What Harvey has to say is fascinating:

The 20's
You must make a decision to figure out your life, what do you want to do, what is your work? While we are figuring out our work, a woman is concerned with her biological clock, while for us it's the financial clock.

The 30's
The game is getting old. We are looking for a woman with the least amount of drama. Can she add support to our lives, is she loyal, and will she bring fun to relationship as well?

The 40's
Nothing can be as good as coming home to a family of people who threw their arms around you. A man needs somebody he can talk to, who can give you comfort, and companionship.

The 50's
It's time to solidify your legacy, as well as to realize that your body is starting to betray you.

CONCLUSION:

As men we are hunters, and we show our love for a woman by doing three things:

1) We PROVIDE for her

2) We PROTECT her

3) We PROFESS our love for her

I think we as readers will learn a great deal from this book. There is much wisdom in what Harvey has to teach us. Whether it's regarding the conflict of he won't commit, while she won't leave, or how to claim the blessing of the breakup, there is much to gain. Just remember not to buy into the fairy tale, and thank you for reading this review.

Richard C. Stoyeck

I was very anxious to get this book after reading the first one. I know Steve took a lot of hard criticism from people with the first one and probably with this one too. However, this is just straight up and to the point without all the psychological mumbo jumbo. For women who have not had a father in their lives who actually taught them something about men this is the book for you. People expect you to know things or say its common sense but if you were never told nor taught then common sense doesn't come into play. A lot of women nowadays just don't know or don't understand because "Mama" and your girlfriends told you to go find yourself a good man but never told you anything about what you were trying to find. I thank Steve for this book and the previous one because so many of us (especially) black women who did not have fathers never knew how to pick the best father for their own children much less a man to share your life with. Say what you want and to each his own but I feel blessed by Steve taking this route in his career and writing. Had he stuck to just the comedy avenue then who else would have done this or been bold enough to inform us.

First, let me say that I am not a fan of Steve Harvey. I've always thought he was a bit pompous and "me" centered and that hasn't changed after reading his book. I still think he's a tad arrogant to be writing relationship books; I ordered this book only because it was available briefly for free on Kindle pre-order. Who made him an expert?

That said, what makes him an expert is that he's a MAN. He knows what men are like and he's honest with women about what men really think and how they really behave when we're not around. I think every young woman should read the section where he delineates what men are looking for in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. As a 61 y/o woman who has been happily married for 15 years to a good yet flawed man, I think Mr. Harvey gives sound advice, whether women want to hear what he's saying or not.

What makes me choke on giving 5 stars is that I do not like being placed inside a category (ie. the assumption that all women think or act the same). For instance, his first book's title: Act Like a Lady but Think Like a Man. As a woman, I think like I think; I do not think like either a man or a woman and resent the inference that we are all cookie-cutter copies of one another. As a young woman, I thought like a ditz and now, as a 61 y/o woman working on her doctoral program in Psychology, I use critical thinking and hopefully think like a scholar.

Also, not all women are so desperate that they are in a hurry to get married. Some women prize an education and desire to have a career while they are still young enough to enjoy its rewards just as much as a man does. No woman should ever "settle" for less than what she wants in a man just to alleviate her loneliness. A woman, like a man, should learn to be at peace with herself and with her God before she attempts to attach herself to a man.

If you can get past the sexism and the man's obvious admiration for himself, this book has good advice for any woman who wants to understand men better.