Submerged

I won't go into a summary of the plot. I admit I rented this without even reading what it was about, just because it was a Seagal movie.

I didn't have high expectations. Even so...

After about 30 minutes I gave up.

First off, for those of you who actually watch it, what's up with the super-dooper fakey spy plane in the beginning? The planes in "Team America" looked more realistic than this garbage.

Also, they can afford to have a helicopter to shoot scenes in, but the background is so obviously computer generated? What a joke.

And once again I wondered what the heck was going on when every scene that required a voice over dub by seagal was done by somebody who sounded NOTHING like seagal.

Fighting? Not in this movie. Lots and lots of shooting though. For so called best-of-the-best professional soldiers, they couldn't hit the walls of a barn if they were standing inside the barn. There's one scene in which 200+ of the baddies with automatic weapons and a TANK are being held off by like 4 or 5 goodies with automatic machine-pistols. They're in a tunnel, like 100 feet from each other, firing hundreds if not thousands of rounds and like nobody gets hit? What a joke. One of the boring-ist scenes I've ever had to sit through. That's about when I called it quits.

This movie is garbage. It's pure poop. It's too bad also, because even though everything since "Exit Wounds" in my opinion was poop, "Into The Sun" I thought was actually pretty good.

I'll keep renting his movies just in the hopes that someday I'll actually enjoy one of his movies once again. So I suppose they'll keep churning out this poop because people like me will keep renting them. I'd imagine that they'll rent good, but I can't imagine any of his newer movies are being actually purchased. I guess his career is over, and I should get over it. But I'll keep up hope for now that someday, somebody will actually put this over-the-hill out-of-shape former-bad-a** into a decent movie.

Until then, we'll always have "out for justice" :) Anybody here seen richie?

As a Seagal fan I have to say that this direct-to-toilet DVD ranks high on my all-time worst film list. Seagal started getting pretty bad when he released The Patriot. Between that horrible film and Submerged Seagal has released a few decent direct-to-video films. Submerged is not one of them. The sound quality on Submerged was awful. It's bad enough trying to understand what Seagal says with his mumbling (or the dubbing), but my wife and I found ourselves turning the volume up and down depending on the scene. While you don't really buy these films for the plot, you expect at least a minimal storyline...not with Submerged! We gave up on Submerged less than 15 minutes into the film. Unless your a Seagal fan and feel the overwhelming compulsion to add to your collection, do not buy this DVD!!! If you're not a fan, don't even bother renting (or borrowing from a friend)!

These days no one would expect much from direct-to-video films starring Steven Seagal. It was only five years ago (in 2001) when his `Exit Wounds' hit No. 1 in the US box office chart, and thanks to DMX that was a decent action film. It was a long time ago.

`Submerged' is yet another B-film from Millennium Films directed by Anthony Hichox, known for B-horror/action films like `Waxwork' and `Jill Rips.' If you have seen the latter one featuring another direct-to-video star Dolph Lundgren (remember?), you know what you will see in `Submerged.' I can write it with one word - TERRIBLE.

[BAD ACTIONS] `Submerged' has a wide assortment of terrible actions and vapid shoot-outs, plus incomprehensible story no one can understand, and as if they are not enough, very bad acting too. The last one could be forgiven if only Steven Seagal had listened to the advice of the people who know filmmaking better, and tried to lose some weight to look more like `action star' as he did before shooting `Exit Wounds.' Apparently he is too busy to do that, making as many as three or four films in a year.

[BAD STORY] Now `Submerged' seems to be about the conspiracy in South America, where some terrible plot is going on, It looks like someone is using the high tech called "mind control" for no other reason than making some money. And this is yet to be confirmed, but someone is giving a help to the scientist to do a profitable business or something.

[BAD, BAD, BAD] Add to this clichéd story, laconic Steven Seagal as `Cody' our hero released from the prison. As always, Chris Cody is assigned a mission from US Navy to attack the secret laboratory of the doctor. Chris Cody leads his `Dirty-Dozen' team only to find bits of tired actions, like bits of submarine scenes (where cheap version of `Under Siege' can be seen briefly), and another cheap version of Doris Day's `The Man Who Knew Too Much' with confusing editing and meaningless conclusion.

[AND TRIVIA] Usually this kind of action is made with several set-pieces. If they are well-crafted, the numerous plot holes or bad acting can be ignored. In `Submerged' as the title suggests, everything - car crash, explosions (including that of miniatures), and shoot-outs are badly shot and poorly edited. You see distorted, cheesy CGI of `visions' of the brainwashed, or inexplicable fast-forward and slow motions, but they just don't make any sense. The fact that Hichox's mother Anne V. Coates is a respected film editor and four-time Oscar nominee (most recently for `Out of Sight') only makes me very sad about the poorly done editing of `Submerged.'

And as to Steven Seagal, what can I say? His acting is lazy and his action is slack, as if he doesn't want to do anything. Even the film's `Uruguay' is in fact Bulgaria, so no exotic location can be enjoyed. In short, this is a truly terrible film with no redeeming merits. Forget all about it.