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Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies [Paperback]

T.J. Wray
4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
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Book Description

May 27 2003
When T.J. Wray lost her 43-year-old brother, her grief was deep and enduring and, she soon discovered, not fully acknowledged. Despite the longevity of adult sibling relationships, surviving siblings are often made to feel as if their grief is somehow unwarranted. After all, when an adult sibling dies, he or she often leaves behind parents, a spouse, and even children—all of whom suffer a more socially recognized type of loss.

Based on the author's own experiences, as well as those of many others, Surviving the Death of a Sibling helps adults who have lost a brother or sister to realize that they are not alone in their struggle. Just as important, it teaches them to understand the unique stages of their grieving process, offering practical and prescriptive advice for dealing with each stage.

In Surviving the Death of a Sibling, T.J. Wray discusses:

• Searching for and finding meaning in your sibling's passing
• Using a grief journal to record your emotions
• Choosing a grief partner to help you through tough times
• Dealing with insensitive remarks made by others

Warm and personal, and a rich source of useful insights and coping strategies, Surviving the Death of a Sibling is a unique addition to the literature of bereavement.

Frequently Bought Together

Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies + Healing the Adult Sibling's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Brother or Sister Dies
Price For Both: CDN$ 28.27


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Review

"If you or someone you love has experienced the death of an adult sibling, then buy this book. Wray is a captivating story teller who weaves stories of herself and many other sibling grievers to bring clarity and understanding to the complex process of sibling grief. Insightful, consoling, and filled with helpful, proactive steps designed to help surviving siblings cope with their devastating loss, Surviving the Death of a Sibling is a "must read" for every surviving sibling."
—Tom Golden LCSW, author of Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing and creator of Webhealing.com

From the Back Cover

"If you or someone you love has experienced the death of an adult sibling, then buy this book. Wray is a captivating story teller who weaves stories of herself and many other sibling grievers to bring clarity and understanding to the complex process of sibling grief. Insightful, consoling, and filled with helpful, proactive steps designed to help surviving siblings cope with their devastating loss, Surviving the Death of a Sibling is a "must read" for every surviving sibling."
—Tom Golden LCSW, author of Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing and creator of Webhealing.com

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
THE OLD beige afghan rests silently on the top shelf, carefully buried beneath all the other blankets. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

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Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Surviving Spiritually and Practically May 30 2003
Format:Paperback
This book is outstanding in two ways: the first is that it offers concrete, practical advice on surviving the loss of a loved one in such an organized way that I, in the wake of losing my oldest sister, have clung to it as one would to a diet or exercise manual. The author's writing style is warm and personal yet direct and concise. I felt as if I knew her, as if she were counseling me and comforting me personally. The steps she advises in surviving grief are applicable to any loss of a loved one.
But the second stroke of genius in this book is that the author DOES specifically address the loss of an adult sibling. She labels this a "disenfranchised loss", one that is not recognized as a major loss by society and thus makes the griever feel confused or guilty by his or her inability to recover from the sibling's death. She adds the story of her own journey of grief over her brother's death to those of dozens of others who have lost siblings. I felt so comforted knowing that the pain I was in (and still am) is normal and should be recognized as something that will not pass quickly. I found myself saying, "That's just how I feel!" over and over. I am so glad that I bought this book, and I know that I will keep referring to it for a long time. I plan to buy a copy for three of my friends that have lost adult siblings, and I know that it is the greatest gift that I can give them.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a must read! June 21 2004
Format:Paperback
From the very first sentence, I was awestruck, mesmerized. I could not put this book down. TJ's heartfelt candor brought me on a journey of soulful insight and greater appreciation of what my daughters experienced in the loss of their older sister, Jackie; an event, forever blemishing their cherished sisterhood. Surviving the Death of a Sibling has helped to soothe their wounds, leading them on a path of healing and peace. It is a must read.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Excellent book! I read this book 1.5 months after I lost my brother. It taught me that what I'm going through is completely "normal" and not to feel rushed by other's timetables for grief. Wray describes how adult sibling loss is not recognized by society as a legitimate reason for grieving. Society is more concerned for your parents than they are for you. Wray also talks about the bond between siblings and that it doesn't matter how far apart you live, you will grieve the same, and how society can't understand that. Wray also says that depression is the most painful and long lasting stage for siblings. This book gave me hope that I will get through it (not over it) and that love will always endure death.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you, Ms. Wray - You are Saving me. April 9 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
On March 17, 2004 my younger and only sibling, lost her battle with the most vile, aggressive, and nasty cancer in medical books. I was her primary caregiver and we had made a pledge when she was diagnosed in June 2003 that we WOULD BEAT THIS. Through 5 rounds of chemotherapy, radiation, and even surgery, her doctors fought to save her life but her oncologist had also told us from the beginning that unless he could get her cancer under "control" - not remission - that she would get very sick, very fast. And she did.
The morning my sister passed away I was with her and two of her treatment nurses came in the hospital room to offer condolences. Both also were sobbing, as the bond between my sister, me and the medical staff can, and DID become extremely close and intense. "Joan" insisted that *I* read Ms. Wray's book and also insisted that she, herself, would purchase it for me. She brought it to me during my sister's wake and I have been reading it for the last 3 weeks. It has been such a comfort.......Ms. Wray speaks as if she were in my home with me...... and most of all what Ms. Wray and every other person who has experienced an adult sibling loss is mentioned in this book say is exactly what I am now feeling. I also know what is to come, and yes, I HAVE been pushed aside as the grief of my elderly parents and my sister's only daughter seems more important to others than my grief as a sibling.
Not so, with Ms. Wray, and I highly recommend this book to any surviving sibling. It is getting me through and while I know I have a long and lonely way to go, with Ms. Wray's help and those who also told of their own stories in Ms. Wray's book, I know I will.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Understanding, Acceptance, Validation and Peace Sept. 1 2003
By Rob O
Format:Paperback
I lost my older brother Jose in October of 2002 after a 3 month battle with a brain tumor. The shock that such a healthy, athletic, and fit man of 46, in the prime of his life would be so cruely taken away so quickly from his two girls and family was devestating. The realization that no one really comprehends the depth of this loss to his little brother (33) at the time, who looked up to him his whole life, was disheartening UNTIL Ms. Wray's book. I found this book spoke to my heart and understood my deep sense of loss. I found myself underlining passages upon passages where it felt that the personal stories in the book captured feelings that I've gone through during my brother's illness and since his passing. The comfort that this book has provided was most welcome. I know reading this book has helped to begin healing what is very much a recent and profound wound. Grief is a process they say -- with a "disenfranchised loss" of a dear brother or sister, this book is a wonderful aid on the road to healing and hopefully, one day, peace.
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