Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life: Amazon.ca: Sam Horn: Books

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From Publishers Weekly

The subtitle of Horn's treatise indicates just how much psychological ground he manages to cover in this encouraging how-to. Not just for kids on the playground anymore, bullying can have serious consequences for adults: violence, lawsuits, abuse and even death. Many of the "28 Ways to Lose Your Bully" strategies Horn (Tongue Fu) outlines are common sense, the same advice parents might give children after a rough recess: "Put Up a Brave Front," "Get Out of My Space," "Screw Up Your Courage." The number of mini-quizzes and aphoristic sayings make the book read like a large-scale PowerPoint presentation (not surprising, as Horn is a veteran of the corporate seminar circuit). Yet there's a realism here that is convincing: Horn's example situations include spouses who hit or cheat, spouses' bosses who grope, coaches who berate, false friends who cajole confidences, business partners who steal, neighbors who instill fear and people who chronically hit up family members for bail money (or "deja moo"). Role playing "Action Plans" for conversation help firm up psychic independence and avoid pointless, draining argument.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

"Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, genders, ages and professions," notes Horn (Tongue Fu!). True enough, but Horn's inconsistent writing and lack of useful tools drain this book of any worth. Confusingly titled chapters "Depend on the Kinkiness of Strangers," for example, concerns personal safety and self-defense render the table of contents useless. Good, albeit brief, chapters on school-yard bullies and using humor to defuse tension are outnumbered by those that mistake insensitivity for bullying or mismatch lessons and examples. This book covers much the same ground as Brandon Toropov's The Complete Idiot's Guide to Getting Along with Difficult People and Robert M. Bramson's recently reprinted Coping with Difficult People. Compared with those books, Horn's work feels undercooked. Not recommended.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Inside This Book (Learn More)

First Sentence
A WOMAN SAID, "WHEN I THINK OF BULLIES, I PICTURE SOMEONE like Bluto out of the Popeye cartoon. Read the first page

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Concordance

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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover

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Customer Reviews

13 Reviews

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4.6 out of 5 stars (13 customer reviews)

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Here's the book to get.., Nov 16 2002

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a reader "_a_reader" (Southwest USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life (Hardcover)

Most of us were taught to be nice and want to believe that being nice will "work," but this author discourages practicing the golden rule to the point of becoming the "golden fool." The author explains the tactics we normally use with other people and explains why these tactics don't work with bullies and in fact may encourage the bully to intensify his or her efforts. For instance, while active listening and empathy may help in many cases, giving a bully a sympathetic ear will perpetuate the abuse. This will be useful to you if you have received well-meaning but misguided advice to be nice to or in some way accommodate the bully. The first 65 or so pages flesh out the problem, help you understand why it is appropriate to defend yourself, etc. Most of the remaining 250 or so pages help you learn what to say. The author provides LOTS of examples. For instance, instead of saying "I don't think it's very nice of you to say I'm a terrible cook," you should say "If you don't like my cooking, you're welcome to fix your own dinner." Such a response does not enter into a debate regarding the accusation.

Another book, "The Bully At Work," has until now been perhaps the primary source for those dealing with bullies at work, It is a well-researched and credible book that validates a target's experience and helps with options for dealing with the system (i.e., Human Resources). By contrast "Take the Bully by the Horns" has the greater emphasis on teaching very specific responses to a bully and has perhaps a wider application. Both books are valuable, but "Take the Bully by the Horns" is the best for "how to." It is an uncommonly useful self-help book.

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars BULLIES - FAMILY / WORKPLACE / SCHOOL / NEIGHBORHOOD, Jun 20 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life (Hardcover)

Excellent compliments to this book are: Emotional Blackmail: When People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier; Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss and James Masterson; The Angry Heart: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen; The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman; Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson; Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man by Scott Wetzler; Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin and Lidija Rangelovska (Editor); Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown; Treating Attachment Disorders: From Theory to Therapy by Karl Heinz Brisch and Kenneth Kronenberg; Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job by Alan Cavaiola and Neil Lavender; Bully in Sight: How to Predict, Resist, Challenge and Combat Workplace Bullies by Tim Field.

And if you want to pursue the subject even further, you may be interested in reading The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective On Marital Treatment; Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Jim Fay and Foster Cline.

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5.0 out of 5 stars Sam Horn made me realize I wasn't crazy after all!!!, May 27 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life (Paperback)

If you know one person in your life that tries to make you feel small - get this book! I have been through so many courses of trying to Parent After Separation - the General Course and High Conflict. It is all about getting along. Well, what if there is no way to get along with a person who wants to control your life but says that everything they do is in the best interest of your child. Bull! The high conflict course should include many points from this book. I have been informed that unless this unruly bully hits me- the verbal and psychological abuse does not hold any allegations against this person. So with Sam Horn's help - I am taking matters into my own hands - I am goint to take her advice and stop being the people pleaser - because the nicer you are to a bully - the more they try to take advantage of the nice girl(mom). The next communication course that I am forced to take by the courts - I will be recommending this book for parents who have difficulties dealing with the father or mother of their child who is an all out BULLY. I am hoping that by reading this book I can prevent my child from being bullied on the playground as well as prevent him from following in his Dad's footsteps. If Sam Horn came to this city - I would stand in line to get tickets. I am a school teacher and never in my life did I think "Bullies" left the playground. Thank you for making things clear just when I was being told that I was the one that was crazy. I almost started to believe it!

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Most recent customer reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Another win by Sam Horn
Need more tools to deal assertively in the world? This book is the answer. It gave me valuable insight into how people operate and my responses. Read more

Published on Oct 5 2003 by Barbara Bartlein

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally -- a book that dares to tell the truth.
I worked with a bully and I tried all the win-win techniques other experts suggest. Not only did they not help, they made the situation worse. Read more

Published on Feb 25 2003 by JRG