Ten Days To Self-Esteem [Paperback]

The problem is of course the title: it puts the book in the "thinner thighs" niche, and this is no quick fix, fairy tale book. This is not a superficial or simplistic book, though it is simple. The book was originally written for a 10 day workshop for disadvantaged people of various types who had one thing in common: major depression. As such, it's sort of an inpatient book. Most of us can't do it in 10 business days, either because of the time required or because of the emotional stamina it would require.

I've read hundreds of self-help books over the years, and many of them have fine ideas. Like diets, though, we don't DO them. The point of this book is to put Burns' lessons down on paper, because that's the only way you learn. Keeping it in your head simply does not work(I've tried), no matter who you are.(I have three Ivy League degrees blah blah, but that's not worth a hill of beans in emotional healing or learning how to have a mental, spiritual, and physical life coexist happily.) CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)has been shown effective for people with not much education. It's the effort that counts, according to studies cited in his books.

I read Burns' first book over 10 years ago, but put it aside because it just was too much; it wasn't helpful to me at that point. I've come a long way since then, and now have the patience, persistence, and yes desperation, to do whatever I can. Luckily I stumbled across the first book again recently and recognized it for the gem it is. This workbook forces me to actually do the work instead of thinking about it. That has been extraordinarily valuable, because I am depressed, can't be bothered to do things, and don't want to do potentially painful things. Depression is a fierce, dangerous thing, and until I recognized it for what it is, I would not have taken the time and effort to do the book. FWIW.

I personally have fun drawing stick figures as the book suggests. Not much about depression work is fun, so I'll take it where I can get it, especially if it is also the most practical route to a better life.

"Ten Days to Self-Esteem" includes checklist tests to chart your progress, simple homework assignments, and daily exercises to train yourself to think more positively. In other words, if you're willing to put in the work, and let Dr. Burns show you where to start, it WILL help you, step-by-step.

So why all the negative reviews? I have to put in my two cents, here.

There are three major themes running through the brains of those with depression:
1. "I have a very special case of depression. Other people may have gotten better, but I'm different. I'll never be cured."
2. Life's details are tainted with bad-ness. ("That's nice, but...")
3. If it's not perfect, it's not good enough. ("There's a typo on my resume, so I won't bother applying for the job.")

All of these combined will invariably lead to negative reviews of this book. The depressed patient will find one or two things they don't agree with (whether rational or not), and since they have an all-or-nothing philosophy, they decide this book is worthless and can't help them, so they don't read it or do the exercises (or do them half-heartedly), and this book gets one star.

Now, I'm NOT picking on any certain reviewer here; I haven't read the complaints in that much detail. I'm just trying to help explain to the non-depressed people why there are such a bafflingly wide range of opinions about this book. Well, that's the way depressed people think - negatively. (In fact, depressed people even answer "No" to questions significantly more often than non-depressed people.)

With that said, I'll admit that I had EXACTLY the same reaction. The book was too _______, I didn't have enough time for the exercises, it wasn't helping fast enough, blah blah blah. (I have a high IQ - so sometimes my negative thoughts are downright artistic in their warped-ness.) I managed to do the exercises up until Day 3, at which point I did what most other depressed people will probably do with this book -- I put it aside to collect dust, and procrastinated, until I conveniently forgot about the exercises I was supposed to be doing.

A month or two later, I noticed that I was happier. My head was clearer. I had fewer doubts and paid less attention to that snide play-by-play announcer in my head. ("But what will they think? You can't do it, you'll screw up, stupid...") And I realized that it was this book, "Ten Days to Self-Esteem," that had taught me the methods.

I'm currently eager and happy to be ordering a new copy. Exactly what I need. Yes, after rejecting it, now I'm coming back to it, because I *know* now how good it was for me.

Yes, some of the ideas Dr. Burns presents are "common sense" -- but not ALL of them. Your thoughts control your emotions. But -- controlling your thoughts! -- THAT idea takes a while to really sink in. Do you commonly stop in the middle of a hands-on project or trip to the store, etc., to say to yourself, "I don't like these thoughts... I'll think of something happier now"? No! We just let them run on auto-pilot, dictated by outside circumstances or internal dialogue. It takes real effort to step in and say, "STOP. You're wrong. And I'll prove it - right now."

Seriously, I know this all seems simple now. But I guarantee you, in a few months you'll look back at this book and realize you only THOUGHT you got it, at first. (I'd already read several books on these topics, but THIS one was the one that actually drastically helped my depression.) Reading this book is a valuable investment in your future.

Curing yourself of depression is like climbing out of a sinkhole - lots of resistance at first, more and more ground gained as you go, becoming faster and easier. It's natural to have negative thoughts about this book at first. And I don't expect you to believe me about the "faster and easier" part until you get there, heh. But you will.

Still have doubts about buying the book? Well, I'll say it here, so you can see how irrational it sounds outside of your own head: "I don't want to read this book if it will only help me a little. I'd rather be totally sick until I get a shot at being instantly cured."

In other words, I'm begging you: Buy it. Give it a chance. Make sure you memorize the Distortions list; that alone can save your life. This book WILL help you.

Other books that have helped me tremendously with overcoming depression: "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman ; "Living Fearlessly" by Rhonda Britten. Check those out, too. Good luck!

But I wasn't seriously depressed at the time either. In June 2001 it was a different story. I'd been feeling suicidal since April. I was away from home on business and considered ending it all in a Minneapolis hotel room, but didn't want my wife have the hassle of shipping my body 1,000 miles back home.

I forced myself to take a walk and saw "Feeling Good" in a nearby bookstore. "What the hell," I thought, "for less than $10 this is worth a try." Back in my hotel room I took the depression test and scored 64 - severe depression. I read much of the book that night, took the self-test again the next day and scored in the 40s. With a 20 point drop in less than 24 hours, I again had hope. I got home, got counseling, got medication.

I'd made progress, but I was still somewhat depressed. In July I bought "Ten Days to Self Esteem" and started doing the daily exercises, including self-tests for depression, anxiety and relationship satisfaction.

It took about 9 months but with exercise, meds, counseling, support from friends and family, and the perspective offered by the events of that September 11, I started getting scores showing very little depression, much less anxiety and better relationships. Burns' approach has been an important part of that process for me.

Although "Feeling Good" is less expensive and a better seller, "Ten Days to Self Esteem" offers more value because it prompts more reader involvement.