The Covenant

Ok, so this movie will not change your life or inspire you to be good to mankind...what it will do is give you almost 2 hours of sheer eye candy!! The guys in this movie are seriously HOT and the story is not bad, if you are in to witchcraft and have enjoyed such movies as, Underworld, Underworld Evolution, The Lost Boys, ETC,,then you will like this one. I happen to be into this sort of stuff and really have a good time watching it. The soundtrack rocks, as well. So, people, relax...calm down,....it is just a dang movie!!! Rent it, buy it, whatever, just enjoy it and stop thinking to hard about it.

The Story: In 1692, five families in the Ipswich colony of Massachusetts hold a mysterious power that they are forced to hide from society for fear of being executed of witches. To hide themselves, they form a secret Covenant which will help protect their ancestors from being hunted down.
Fast forward to the present day and four teenagers are forced to live in the modern day with these powers, though they can't resist the temptation of using them now and again. Caleb Danvers is coming up to his 18th Birthday and will thus ascend to the next level of this mysterious power, although a mysterious 5th power is seeking to destroy Caleb and take it from him.

The Review: This was a surprisingly entertaining film which, for the teenage movie genre was very unique. The friendship between the four boys, and the development of the relationship between Caleb (Strait) and Sarah (Ramsey) are in my eyes very believable which leads you into caring for these characters on another level. Being of the story behind this movie and the overall format, I felt that the director was trying way too hard to bring up the age rating by adding some random pointless nudity and language in an attempt to have it appeal to an older audience. The scene transition I felt didn't work as well as I'd hoped, some scenes will feature some really cool and memorable moments, e.g. the scene where Caleb is driving and he hits an 18 wheeler head on. This type of scene would have you think this is worthy of a 5 star rating but then the next scene would contain some extremely corny dialogue which will make you want to bury your head in your hands in shame.

Overall this is an entertaining film that you will enjoy if you don't watch it with this expectation that you're getting a 5 star script and 5 star acting.

Heterosexual director Renny (DIE HARD 2, DEEP BLUE SEA) Harlin has inexplicably slipped over to the other side with his boy-band-of-witches saga, THE COVENANT. He has taken a bunch of Aberzombies, put them in some sort of prep school and given them supernatural powers, forced them to join the swim team, and thrown a few disposable girls in for good measure. And at no point does the plot of the film or the acting interfere with the camera's view of said Aberzombies' abs.

This tale of the "Sons of Ipswitch", the gifted descendants of the founding fathers of Salem, moves along fairly briskly, with some decent effects and fun stunt work, but first and foremost, the real object of the film is to linger lasciviously upon the admirable assets of young, unironically-named Steven Strait. Seriously - the witchcraft, spiders, explosions, raves, and everything else take humble second-stage to loving shots of Strait rocking a tanktop, Strait rocking a tight v-neck t-shirt, Strait wearing a Speedo. We haven't seen male body-worship on this scale since Ryan Reynolds battled evil spirits that threatened to keep him wet and shirtless for Amityville Horror's entire running time.

Strait plays Caleb, a member of an elite band of underwear models who have gone undercover as witches at a prep school in Massachusetts. (You know, so as not to attract attention). Aside from Caleb, there's the long-haired one, the blonde one, and another one who evades description entirely, to the point that it's impossible to identify him in any group scenes. The Metrosexual trickle-down has apparently left our high schools populated by an army of pomade-enhanced, cap-sleeved man-boys who are so self-approvingly pretty that the girls in their lives can do very little to distract them from their vaguely homoerotic navel-gazing. (Whereas DAZED & CONFUSED presented teen angst in a haze of pot smoke, here it is clouded by an overabundance of Axe Body Spray.)

The plot of the film was summed up well enough in the commercials (and is ultimately too mind-numbingly simplistic to get into) -- the important thing is that in this teen witch story, the witches are the popular kids. Rather than your typical "supernaturally enhanced underdog" story (CARRIE, THE CRAFT ), here we watch four rich, white boys who clearly dominate their school and also happen to enjoy a gift that allows them to perform magic. But, watching these kids get everything they want is not nearly as compelling as watching someone who actually NEEDS this power to get back at their enemies or overturn the status quo.

The overwhelming homoeroticism of THE COVENANT includes a scene where Caleb and his best bud Pogue are talking on the phone, and both are shirtless, lying in bed, and drenched with sweat. We seriously expected the words "MEET LOCAL GUYS!" to flash across the top of the screen. There's also some locker room action featuring buns galore and a gay-baiting incident where another young man gets called a "fag" by a different long-haired boy (seriously, it's so hard to tell these guys apart...) and the young man beats his tormenter down - without actually denying the accusation. (Interestingly enough, he even makes reference to looking at the kid's manhood.) At another point an evil Aberzombie pins Caleb to the floor and kisses him on the face roughly -- In a FEAR NO EVIL kind of way, only with far more attractive men involved.

So if you are looking for a satisfying all-male companion piece to the excellent teen-witch thriller THE CRAFT, keep waiting. This isn't it... If - however - you are looking for a warm-up to wet your guests appetites as they arrive for All-Male Porno night, look no further - Renny Harlin has done an admirable job.