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The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships Paperback – Apr 21 2005


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The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships + The Dance Of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate + The Dance of Intimacy
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Avon; 2 edition (April 21 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 006074104X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060741044
  • Product Dimensions: 13.5 x 1.5 x 20.3 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 181 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (60 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #14,419 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

“Of all the books that have been written about the personal relationships of women and what to do about them, this is the most sound. Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation as it is based on profound and lasting truths.” (Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy)

About the Author

Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.


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Customer Reviews

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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on March 10 2004
Format: Paperback
I had already read "The Anger Habit," and I thought that book changed my life completely. I might have stopped there, having learned so much and been so much more at peace. I'm glad I didn't. "The Dance of Anger" is along completely different lines, but it still has taught me invaluable lessons. Mostly, I am learning what is my responsibility and what is not. I think I had things completely backward, as so many of us do. My whole attitude and perspective have changed. My husband is impressed with the changes in me and says he will read this book after he finishes "The Anger Habit." I consider this book a gift in my life, and I highly recommend it to anyone.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By jan on March 3 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
It is wonderfully written with identifiable cases,clear,concise wording that brings insight as to where our anger originates and how we can take responsibility for it and take action to deal with it.I t is wonderful because it provides insight into all relationships regardless of the level of intimacy,ranging from,parent,sibling to spouse.Anyone wantin to change their interactions an relationships with people they love would benefit from reading this book.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on March 2 1998
Format: Paperback
My therapist recommended this book and it has helped me immensely. As someone who was reluctant to engage in therapy or read self-help books, I was very surprised by what Harriet Lerner's book had to offer. Lerner explains that relationships are often stuck in patterns or "dances" and that these patterns repeat themselves again and again in times of anger. Lerner shows you how you can recognize and change your own patterns. Such changes lead to a greater understanding of self and healthier relationships. This book can really help you to see things in a new light.
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By A Customer on June 9 2004
Format: Paperback
I challenge anyone to say "I have never done that before". We all do these "dances" she speaks of all the time, I don't care if you are a woman or a man. It doesn't have to be a husband/wife relationship either, it happens in all relationships. Her theory is sound and true and can very well help you to end these "dances" (fights/problems) you have with other people. It was *very* enlightening to see what we do actually spelled out for us because so much we do we do without realizing or giving 2nd thought to.
Read this book from beginning to end before trying this stuff. Secondly, keep in mind one very important thing...as much as you can change your attitude, others can change theirs and not always in the direction you hope they will. Her methods do work, but you must be prepared in some instances to "let go" of people that cause you strife if you plan to try to change these "dances" with whom ever you do this with. The reason is that maybe you don't want to let go of your mother or your friend or who ever, but they might want to let "you" go because they don't like the change. Now, she tells you that in the book anyway, but just ready yourself for it. I had a few friends that I either let go or they let me go and now I am feeling a little excluded. Sure, there are no more fights or "bad times" but that let go of the good too. I couldn't get an in-between. Mind you, this worked WONDERS with some other people I tried it on and actually solidified the relationships more. Just be prepared that you win some, you lose some...you can't change people to follow this "new" dance if they don't want to and it is always hard to let go.
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By A Customer on Oct. 21 2003
Format: Paperback
This book was recommended to me by my therapist, who claimed it was an excellent book for helping women learn to deal with some of life's difficult situations. And it delivers! Learning the "dance" steps was so enlightening. Dr. Lerner helps the reader to understand complex interpersonal behaviors using language we can all relate to. Her section near the end of the book on "triangles" (an example is when your mother complains to you about your brother/sister, rather than talking to him/her directly) was equally helpful to me. I knew what the problem was in my family, but now I have an understanding of the underlying issues as well as how to avoid this very upsetting trap that some of us find ourselves caught in. This was my first Harriet Lerner book, and it's underlined throughout. I highly recommend it to anyone who is serious about wanting to improve her relationships. If you are not serious, however, if you only want some handholding, you may as well call a sympathetic friend instead. This book will greatly help those who are ready to work at their relationships, but the fainthearted will probably not benefit much from all it has to offer.
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Format: Paperback
My curiousity about this book began with a recommendation and the fact that it has sold more than 2 million copies and been translated into more than 30 foreign editions. I recognized myself in this book, and I found it pointed out a lot of problems in our culture with gender socialization. Lerner points out the unfairness of our tendencies to view women who express anger as "unattractive" "psycho" or "militant feminists", whereas men who do the same are "aggressive go-getters who take control and get things done".
The two most important lesson I got from this book are that depression can be unexpressed anger and how you vent anger is important, as change is the goal of the expression, not feelings of guilt and self-blame.
More women should read this book, as they will be surprised to find out that they have more anger than they realize, and they will be able to pinpoint where it comes from for them and understand how to use it as a tool for change. It is one of those books that will change your perception of our society and you'll want every woman you know to read it too.
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