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The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships [Paperback]

Harriet Lerner
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (59 customer reviews)
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Book Description

April 21 2005
The 20th Anniversary Edition of the renowned classic and New York Times bestseller

Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deservesour respect and attention. We all have a right to everythingwe feel -- and certainly our anger is no exception.

For two decades, this book has helped millions of readers learn how to turn their anger into a constructive force for reshaping their lives. With a new introduction by the author, The Dance of Anger is ready to lead the next generation.

Frequently Bought Together

The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships + The Dance Of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate + The Dance of Intimacy
Price For All Three: CDN$ 41.15

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Product Details

Product Description


“Of all the books that have been written about the personal relationships of women and what to do about them, this is the most sound. Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation as it is based on profound and lasting truths.” (Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy)

About the Author

Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is changing my life March 10 2004
By A Customer
I had already read "The Anger Habit," and I thought that book changed my life completely. I might have stopped there, having learned so much and been so much more at peace. I'm glad I didn't. "The Dance of Anger" is along completely different lines, but it still has taught me invaluable lessons. Mostly, I am learning what is my responsibility and what is not. I think I had things completely backward, as so many of us do. My whole attitude and perspective have changed. My husband is impressed with the changes in me and says he will read this book after he finishes "The Anger Habit." I consider this book a gift in my life, and I highly recommend it to anyone.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If you are ready for change, read this book. March 2 1998
By A Customer
My therapist recommended this book and it has helped me immensely. As someone who was reluctant to engage in therapy or read self-help books, I was very surprised by what Harriet Lerner's book had to offer. Lerner explains that relationships are often stuck in patterns or "dances" and that these patterns repeat themselves again and again in times of anger. Lerner shows you how you can recognize and change your own patterns. Such changes lead to a greater understanding of self and healthier relationships. This book can really help you to see things in a new light.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Anger the emotion misunderstood March 3 2013
By jan
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
It is wonderfully written with identifiable cases,clear,concise wording that brings insight as to where our anger originates and how we can take responsibility for it and take action to deal with it.I t is wonderful because it provides insight into all relationships regardless of the level of intimacy,ranging from,parent,sibling to spouse.Anyone wantin to change their interactions an relationships with people they love would benefit from reading this book.
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3.0 out of 5 stars A WORD OF CAUTION June 9 2004
By A Customer
I challenge anyone to say "I have never done that before". We all do these "dances" she speaks of all the time, I don't care if you are a woman or a man. It doesn't have to be a husband/wife relationship either, it happens in all relationships. Her theory is sound and true and can very well help you to end these "dances" (fights/problems) you have with other people. It was *very* enlightening to see what we do actually spelled out for us because so much we do we do without realizing or giving 2nd thought to.
Read this book from beginning to end before trying this stuff. Secondly, keep in mind one very important much as you can change your attitude, others can change theirs and not always in the direction you hope they will. Her methods do work, but you must be prepared in some instances to "let go" of people that cause you strife if you plan to try to change these "dances" with whom ever you do this with. The reason is that maybe you don't want to let go of your mother or your friend or who ever, but they might want to let "you" go because they don't like the change. Now, she tells you that in the book anyway, but just ready yourself for it. I had a few friends that I either let go or they let me go and now I am feeling a little excluded. Sure, there are no more fights or "bad times" but that let go of the good too. I couldn't get an in-between. Mind you, this worked WONDERS with some other people I tried it on and actually solidified the relationships more. Just be prepared that you win some, you lose can't change people to follow this "new" dance if they don't want to and it is always hard to let go.
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5.0 out of 5 stars sitting out the dance Oct. 21 2003
By A Customer
This book was recommended to me by my therapist, who claimed it was an excellent book for helping women learn to deal with some of life's difficult situations. And it delivers! Learning the "dance" steps was so enlightening. Dr. Lerner helps the reader to understand complex interpersonal behaviors using language we can all relate to. Her section near the end of the book on "triangles" (an example is when your mother complains to you about your brother/sister, rather than talking to him/her directly) was equally helpful to me. I knew what the problem was in my family, but now I have an understanding of the underlying issues as well as how to avoid this very upsetting trap that some of us find ourselves caught in. This was my first Harriet Lerner book, and it's underlined throughout. I highly recommend it to anyone who is serious about wanting to improve her relationships. If you are not serious, however, if you only want some handholding, you may as well call a sympathetic friend instead. This book will greatly help those who are ready to work at their relationships, but the fainthearted will probably not benefit much from all it has to offer.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Wow - what an eye opener !!! June 17 2003
By Melanie
My curiousity about this book began with a recommendation and the fact that it has sold more than 2 million copies and been translated into more than 30 foreign editions. I recognized myself in this book, and I found it pointed out a lot of problems in our culture with gender socialization. Lerner points out the unfairness of our tendencies to view women who express anger as "unattractive" "psycho" or "militant feminists", whereas men who do the same are "aggressive go-getters who take control and get things done".
The two most important lesson I got from this book are that depression can be unexpressed anger and how you vent anger is important, as change is the goal of the expression, not feelings of guilt and self-blame.
More women should read this book, as they will be surprised to find out that they have more anger than they realize, and they will be able to pinpoint where it comes from for them and understand how to use it as a tool for change. It is one of those books that will change your perception of our society and you'll want every woman you know to read it too.
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Well worth the read!
Published 2 days ago by Emma Sherrett
5.0 out of 5 stars A "must read" book!
A highly recommended book from an engaging excellent author, Dr. Harriet Lerner.
Published 4 days ago by Rosario L Revilla
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource
This book is clear and well written. I have many of dr. Lerners books and they are all wonderful information.
Published 10 months ago by Brenda
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read!!
Read this book many years ago and it was extremely helpful at the time. Re-reading it was well worth it and I was surprised how much I remembered. Read more
Published 15 months ago by Darlene
5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing
This book has encouraged me to analyze every relationship in my life. As a result I am more accountable for my own happiness. It isn't easy but it's better.
Published 22 months ago by Mell
4.0 out of 5 stars The Dance of Anger
Although the book is a bit dated, human emotions remain more or less the same through the decades. The reasons why we react to situations with anger are made clearer in this book,... Read more
Published on July 3 2011 by LegoFan
5.0 out of 5 stars one of the best books i've ever read - top notch!
one of the best books ive ever read. stop tying yourself in knots over someone else's behavior and its impact on your life, and start making your own positive choices. Read more
Published on Feb. 20 2011 by shelley
5.0 out of 5 stars Women and Anger
Incredibly well put together. This is not a manual, it is a book of others experiences. Some of the individulas I could relate to, but others not. Read more
Published on Aug. 29 2010 by J Dziuda
5.0 out of 5 stars Patterns is the key word
This book is wonderful. It would be helpful to anyone - men and women alike when have just about any type of relationship problem. Read more
Published on July 5 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars Changed my life
This book had a significant impact on who I am today: a more self confident person who understands that the only person truly in control of my life is: ME! Read more
Published on May 26 2004
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