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The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome [Paperback]

Harriet Braiker
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
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Book Description

Feb. 13 2002

What's wrong with being a "people pleaser?" Plenty!

"A fascinating book... If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book!"­­Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls Fast

People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say "Yes" when they really want to say "No." For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use "niceness" and "people-pleasing" as self-defense camouflage.

Featured on NBC's "Today," The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that "people pleasing" is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent "Oprah" guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.

Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle - involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior - will cause a dramatic, positive and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.

As a recovered peoplepleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.


Frequently Bought Together

The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome + Too Nice for Your Own Good: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes + The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships
Price For All Three: CDN$ 43.56

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Product Description

From the Publisher

 New York Times Advice Bestseller; Hardcover edition sold over 25,000 copies  Hardcover was excerpted in Working Woman and was author was featured on The Today Show  Oprah Winfrey continues to speak about the need to cure her “disease to please.”  Case study illustrations from Braiker’s extensive clinical experience working with both men and women who suffer from various aspects of the Disease to Please.  The book will also include a People Pleaser Quiz to help readers identify their people pleaser tendencies.

From the Back Cover

What's wrong with being a "people pleaser?" Plenty!

"A fascinating book... If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book!"­­Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls Fast

People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say "Yes" when they really want to say "No." For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use "niceness" and "people-pleasing" as self-defense camouflage.

Featured on NBC's "Today," The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that "people pleasing" is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent "Oprah" guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.

Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle - involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior - will cause a dramatic, positive and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.

As a recovered peoplepleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.


Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
If you are like most people-pleasers, you probably already know the answer to this question. Read the first page
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Concordance
Browse Sample Pages
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt
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Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars
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Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A+ for Harriet Braiker Aug. 7 2002
Format:Hardcover
I have recommended this book to so many people. I only hope that whoever reads it will follow the message.
This is an important book. I think it is a critical read for anyone who has been abused, used or taken advantage of. It is important for the individual to understand why and how they got to be in the position and how they aquired the "Disease to Please".
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars THE DISEASE TO PLEASE Feb. 3 2001
Format:Hardcover
This book is one of the most important and helpful self help books which I have ever read. I felt as if it were written directly with me in mind. The author has been a practicing clinical psychologist for 25 years and gives examples through her patients' history's of problems and how they have been helped. In addition to that, she gives very specific ways that you, the reader, can apply these principles to your daily life. You might think that women have this problem more than men but that is not necessarily true. My husband is now reading this book and my grown children are also. You find that it helps you to understand not only yourself better but others as well. She writes in an easy to understand way. This is a book where you find yourself reading every word. There is nothing here which is not relevant or to the point. It has become, for me, a kind of textbook which I refer back to. In fact, she encourages the reader to read with a highlighter and to use the book as you would a textbook. I recommend this book to everyone except those who already feel that they know everything.
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4.0 out of 5 stars learning expierience Feb. 28 2011
Format:Paperback
This book is a truely inspiring learning experience, for those of us that try to do it all, putting ourselves after every body else. I found it a very good awakening to my behaviour of trying to make everyone happy before taking care of my needs. In fact I felt that taking care of everyone else was my primary need, untill I read this book andrealized that it is important to take care of yourself first, or at least that you the choice of saying NO if you want to.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Insightful! Oct. 17 2001
Format:Hardcover
Why do some people try so hard to please others that end up pleasing no one - including themselves? Harriet B. Braiker anchors this phenomenon in early childhood problems, such as guilt or low self-esteem, and shows how it harms adult relationships, including those at work. Although she emphasizes interpersonal relationships off the job, executives, managers and employees at all levels will still find her book helpful in life and in work. Braiker describes three primary manifestations (compulsive behavior, distorted thinking, and avoidance of negative feelings) of being a people-pleaser, and notes that this problem can stem from a personal mind-set, a habit or an intense aversion to conflict. Most helpfully, she explains strategies for more productive behavior. Sometimes the explanations and self-help quizzes become repetitive, but her examples keep the book's pace flowing. Thus we [...] recommend this book as - dare we say it? - a real crowd pleaser.
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0 of 2 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars The right idea--the wrong book? May 4 2011
By D. Cuff
Format:Paperback
f you want to stop being TOO nice, but don't want to stop being nice, you may need some help along the way. There are several books that can help. Would I recommend that you choose this one?

Not necessarily. The author, the late Dr Braiker, may have had good ideas, but her writing is poor, and the book is oddly organized. The first half of the book is given over to detailing the problem and its aspects in pitiless detail. The tone of the writing has an authorial detachment that soon wearied me. I noted particularly that the author rarely addressed the reader using "you". When did the author did use "you," it was largely misapplied. The author writes "you finding yourself doing" where "you might find yourself" makes for a more pleasant read. I noticed this not once, but many times. When it would have been appropriate to use "you"--when making suggestions for changing behavior (for example, "you could" or "you should")--the author avoided it.

The abridged audio edition is particularly hard to recommend. It lacks the tests included in the print edition, and the reader, Kate Reading, uses a tone of stiff pronouncement that is difficult to endure. (Note: the Audible.com audio edition is labeled as being read by Bernadette Dunne. If this is so, Reading and Dunne have incredibly similar voices and approaches to this material. This is more likely a cataloguing error.)

Instead of this book, you might want to consider Duke Robinson's "Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes". Men may also wish to consider Robert A. Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy!"
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