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The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children [Paperback]

Ross W Greene
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (94 customer reviews)

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The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children 4.6 out of 5 stars (94)
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Book Description

Sep 8 2005

An explosive child's behavior -- severe noncompliance, temper outbursts, and verbal or physical aggression -- often leaves parents feeling frustrated, guilt-ridden, and overwhelmed. Dr. Ross Greene will help you gain the confidence and knowledge you need to handle these situations competently and lovingly. In The Explosive Child, now fully updated and revised, he provides a sensitive, practical approach to helping your child at home and at school, including:

  • Understanding the factors that contribute to your child's explosions
  • Reducing hostility and antagonism between the child and adults
  • Anticipating situations in which the child is most likely to explode
  • Focusing less on reward and punishment and more on communication and collaborative problem-solving
  • Helping your child develop the skills to be more flexible and handle frustration more adaptively

With Dr. Greene's practical, expert advice, you and your child will forge a new relationship based on communication and mutual respect.


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Flexibility and tolerance are learned skills, as any parent knows if they've seen an irascible 2-year-old grow into a pleasant, thoughtful, and considerate older child. Unfortunately, for reasons that are poorly understood, a few children don't "get" this part of socialization. Years after toddler tantrums should have become an unpleasant memory, a few unlucky parents find themselves battling with sudden, inexplicable, disturbingly violent rages--along with crushing guilt about what they "did wrong." Medical experts haven't helped much: the flurry of acronyms and labels (Tourette's, ADHD, ADD, etc.) seems to proffer new discoveries about the causes of such explosions, when in fact the only new development is alternative vocabulary to describe the effects. Ross Greene, a pediatric psychologist who also teaches at Harvard Medical School, makes a bold and humane attempt in this book to cut through the blather and speak directly to the (usually desperate) parents of explosive children. His text is long and serious, and has the advantage of covering an enormous amount of ground with nuance, detail, and sympathy, but also perhaps the disadvantage that only those parents who are not chronically tired and time-deprived are likely to get through the entire book. Quoted dialogue from actual sessions with parents and children is interspersed with analysis that is always oriented toward understanding the origins of "meltdowns" and developing workable strategies for avoidance. Although pharmacological treatment is not the book's focus, there is a chapter on drug therapies. --Richard Farr --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"All parents should read this book, especially those with children who are out of control. Ross Greene presents a loving, rational, and research-based approach to dealing with problems that most parents have either felt were their own fault or were unsolvable. I could not recommend this book more highly."-- Edward Hallowell, M.D. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! Feb 14 2004
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This book is a must read for almost ANY parent and certainly for parents of difficult, challenging kids. It has helped me understand why our son has "meltdowns" and how to deal with them without making them worse. The book has helped me feel less self-blame for my son's outbursts and thereby less anger at him - and has given me real tools for helping him to understand himself. I have purchased many copies to give to our close friends and family, and have recommended it to my own patients (I am a psychotherapist myself), to help them with their kids and even their relatives' kids.
The book focuses first of all on really explaining the various neurological and psychological processes that cause certain kids to become overwhelmed and to act in ways that are controlling, resistant, demanding and out of control. It applies to a variety of diagnosible and non-diagnosed situations, including but not limited to: ADHD, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Tourette's, BiPolar Disorder, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. By understanding the behavior in terms that are clear and non-technical, at the same time scientifically sound, parents are allowed to feel compassion for their kids struggles instead of frustration and blame. Greene then offers some very clear approaches for determining which behavior to be strict about, which to ignore completely and which to begin working on with your child. He then offers specific ways to work on these behaviors. The book is full of clinical examples in which I'm sure everyone will recognize themselves or their situation in at least one if not more. I just can't say enough about what a great book this is and how grateful I am to have had it recommended to me.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
By Derrick
Format:Paperback
I probably would have given the first half of this book this book 5 stars for the authors vivid understanding and explaination of just why some children are so inflexibe and volatile. He described our own childs behaviour in explicit detail and I'm sure this information on its own is probably enough to get parents started in the right direction.

It is recommended that parents sharply reduce demands and expetations by enforcing only the ablolute minimum firm unyielding limits. (but no advice on how to actually do it)
The avoidance of meltdowns is given as a top priority because when children are incoherent, they are not receptive to learning. His theory is that if you strive to keep the child coherent as he/she approaches a meltdown by negotiating and problem solving, they will eventually learn to manage frustration. I think they will learn to manage their parents and avoid learning and growth. He insists that the few absolute demands will be enough to maintain the adults as authority figures and that everything else is not important enough to risk instigating a meltdown. I agree that it is useless to lecture or punish during or after a meltdown, but avoiding a meltdown should not even be a consideration when it comes to family rules and values. This approach teaches a child to fear their own emotions as they watch their parents jump through hoops in fear of angry outbursts.

I can say with certainty that this approach would have been catostrophic with our child as he rarely actually wanted what he was fussing about. He would endlessly bait and lure us into senseless arguaments trying to get us to explain or negotiate our rules with no purpose. We found the philosophy and methods in the book "The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids" to be the key to teaching our child to deal with frustration and volatile emotions.
Medication, cajoling, and negotiating is no substitute for effective discipline. I realise that this book is an alternative method for only the most extreme cases where it may be the only option. Prematurly adopting these methods for a child that is merely difficult, may achieve the opposite of the intended effect and make things much worse.
I would also highly recommend reading "Setting Limits with the Strong Willed Child" by Robert J MacKenzie.

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Of course Dr. Greene's book will help...... Jun 11 2001
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
If your only goal is to prevent your child from having meltdowns, Dr. Greene's philosophy of creating a "user friendly" environment is for you. This is an environment in which family members and teachers create a universe in which your child is the center and everyone plans and lives their lives with the singular goal of keeping your child happy. As I read this book, I became more and more disappointed. The world is not "user friendly," and simply preventing a child from exploding by indulging him with anything he wants is, unfortunately, not going to prepare him for the real world. How about some useful advice on how to help your child DEAL with frustrating situations and people? I guess I'll have to go to another book for that, after I stop at the dumpster.....
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Most recent customer reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars The explosive child
This is a great book! I purchased this because I have a daughter who suffers from ADHD. I am going to use this book alot as a guide to helping her as best I can.
Published 1 month ago by Kel
5.0 out of 5 stars Accurate, practical advised
If you are dealing with a child that you consider very difficult this is the answer, will help you to understand the behavior and will enable you to built the solution
Published 1 month ago by irina
5.0 out of 5 stars Good Start!
I've been trying this out with my daughter. One day she was on her way into a fit with tears and whining when she said, "Mom, I want to do that talking thing right now. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Colleen
5.0 out of 5 stars Great!
Fast delivery and book was excellent. Thanks! This is an excellent book for anyone (teacher, parents, babysitters!) who works with children. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Tara Neighbour
5.0 out of 5 stars A great resource and source of confidence!
This book is a great resource and source of new found confidence! As an occupational therapist, I have to be extremely adaptable and read my child clients very effectively. Read more
Published 15 months ago by J26
5.0 out of 5 stars GREAT BUY!
This book is a great buy for anyone wishing to learn new techniques, and good ones, to parenting a child with implosive or explosive children. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Ecorrigall
4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book but not for children with auditory problems
After coping for several years with a difficult child (diagnosed with ADHD/ADD, ODD, severe sensory issues and severe receptive language disorder), this book was recommended by the... Read more
Published 18 months ago by mrcamer
4.0 out of 5 stars The Explosive Child
This book, though it did not help me much with my FASD child, definately gives me more information and tools to work with as far and dealing with explosions with in myself. Read more
Published on Mar 27 2011 by tamjusdav
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally Some Advice That Helps!
As most loving parents would, I and my ex spouse have tried everything to cope with our son's outbursts, but none of the conventional methods were working. Read more
Published on Mar 20 2011 by momofthree
5.0 out of 5 stars Stop Explosions Before They Start
This book does what Therapists doesn't - it doesn't give a diagnosis - it actually tells you why your child acts the way he does. Read more
Published on July 5 2010 by Patti MacDonald
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