The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, "Chronically Inflexible" Children [Hardcover]

Flexibility and tolerance are learned skills, as any parent knows if they've seen an irascible 2-year-old grow into a pleasant, thoughtful, and considerate older child. Unfortunately, for reasons that are poorly understood, a few children don't "get" this part of socialization. Years after toddler tantrums should have become an unpleasant memory, a few unlucky parents find themselves battling with sudden, inexplicable, disturbingly violent rages--along with crushing guilt about what they "did wrong." Medical experts haven't helped much: the flurry of acronyms and labels (Tourette's, ADHD, ADD, etc.) seems to proffer new discoveries about the causes of such explosions, when in fact the only new development is alternative vocabulary to describe the effects. Ross Greene, a pediatric psychologist who also teaches at Harvard Medical School, makes a bold and humane attempt in this book to cut through the blather and speak directly to the (usually desperate) parents of explosive children. His text is long and serious, and has the advantage of covering an enormous amount of ground with nuance, detail, and sympathy, but also perhaps the disadvantage that only those parents who are not chronically tired and time-deprived are likely to get through the entire book. Quoted dialogue from actual sessions with parents and children is interspersed with analysis that is always oriented toward understanding the origins of "meltdowns" and developing workable strategies for avoidance. Although pharmacological treatment is not the book's focus, there is a chapter on drug therapies. --Richard Farr

"The Explosive Child is a must for the many parents, teachers, and professionals who attempt to guide, teach, and work with difficult, hard-to-manage, and easily frustrated children. . . . A must-readfor the children's sake and ours." -- Thomas H. Ollendick, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, Child Study Center, Virginia Tech

"A tremendous resource and a must-read for adults involved with easily frustrated children who are hard to manage." -- The Bloomsbury Review

"A user-friendly, practical guide for parents trying to help difficult, explosive children. This book will be of enormous benefit to such children and their families." -- Michael Jellinek, M.D., Chief, Child Psychiatry Service, Massachusetts General Hospital, Professor of Psychiatry and Pediatrics, Harvard Medical School

"All parents should read this book . . . I could not recommend it book more highly." -- Edward Hallowell, M.D. author of Driven to Distraction and Worry: Controlling it and Using it Wisely

"An insightful, sensitive portrayal of children who need helpand how to help them." -- Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D., author of Raising a Thinking Child

"This is a truly remarkable book. . . . [Dr. Greene] skillfully provides us with both a framework and practical interventions for minimizing struggles with these children and enhancing their development . . . What comes across on every page of this wonderful book is a genuine caring and compassion for these youngsters and their families." -- Robert Brooks, Ph.D., author of The Self-Esteem Teacher

We've all seen them: children who explode when they're told to do something or when things don't go their way. The ones who completely lose control and become verbally and physically aggressive. Spoiled, stubborn, manipulative children. Right?

Not so fast. These labels suggest that the behavior if such children is planned and intentional, and popular reward-and-punishment strategies are typically used to teach and motivate them to behave more appropriately. But for a significant number of these children, the standard approach doesn't always work. Such children are easily frustrated and extremely inflexible. They get "stuck" over seemingly simple requests, benign issues, and sudden changes in plans. They may be very anxious, irritable, and volatile. They may have difficulty telling you what they're frustrated about or thinking through potential solutions to problems. In clinical terms, they may be diagnosed with any of a variety of psychiatric disorders, including oppositional-defiant disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Tourette's disorder, depression, and bipolar disorder. If this sounds like your child, you're probably feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, guilt-ridden, exhausted, and hopeless.

Now there is a new way for you, your child, and your entire family to find help. In this groundbreaking new book, Dr. Ross Greene, a child psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School, makes a compassionate argument that the difficulties of these children stem from developmental deficits in two critical skills: flexibility and frustration tolerance. He asserts that if such children could do well, they would.

Drawing upon recent advances in the neuroscience, Dr. Greene describes the factor that contribute to "inflexible-explosive" behavior in children and why the strategies that work for most children aren't as effective for inflexible-explosive children. Then, with the help of "snapshots" from the lives of children, parents, and teachers with whom he has worked over the years, Dr. Greene lays out a sensitive, practical, effective, systematic approach to helping these children at home and school, including:

reducing hostility and antagonism between the child and adult

anticipating situations in which the child is most likely to explode

creating an environment in which explosions are less likely to occur

focusing less on reward and punishment and more on communication and collaborative problem-solving

helping the child develop the self-regulation and thinking skills to be more flexible and handle frustration more adaptively

In Explosive Child, you'll find ways to regain your sanity and optimism and rebuild the confidence to handle your child's difficulties completely and lovingly. With Dr. Greene's compassionate, expert advice and insight, you and your child will rediscover newfound hope and a relationship you can both feel good about.

Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. is Director of Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology at the Clinical and Research Program in Pediatric Psychopharmacology at Massachusetts General Hospital. He is also Assistant Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He lives outside Boston with his wife and daughter.