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The Introvert Advantage: Making the Most of Your Inner Strengths [Paperback]

Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D.
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (48 customer reviews)
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Book Description

Jan 4 2002
At least one out of four people prefers to avoid the limelight, tends to listen more than they speak, feels alone in large groups, and requires lots of private time to restore their energy. They're introverts, and here is the book to help them boost their confidence while learning strategies for successfully living in an extrovert world.

After dispelling common myths about introverts-they're not necessarily shy, aloof, or antisocial--The Introvert Advantage explains the real issues. Introverts are hardwired from birth to focus inward, so outside stimulation-chitchat, phone calls, parties, office meetings-can easily become "too much."

The Introvert Advantage dispels introverts' belief that something is wrong with them and instead helps them recognize their inner strengths-their analytical skills, ability to think outside the box, and strong powers of concentration. It helps readers understand introversion and shows them how to determine where they fall on the introvert/extrovert continuum. It provides tools to improve relationships with partners, kids, colleagues, and friends, offering dozens of tips, including 10 ways to talk less and communicate more, 8 ways to showcase your abilities at work, how to take a child's temperament temperature, and strategies for socializing. Finally, it shows how to not just survive, but thrive-how to take advantage of the introvert's special qualities to create a life that's just right for the introvert temperament, to discover new ways to expand their energy reserves, and even how, when necessary, to confidently become a temporary extrovert.

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About the Author

Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., is a researcher, educator, author, and psychotherapist. One of America’s foremost authorities on introversion, she speaks and leads workshops on the topic in the United States and Canada. She and her extroverted husband have two grown daughters and four grandchildren. They live in Portland, Oregon.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Self-Assessment for Introverts


Take the test for introversion on a day when you are feeling relaxed and not stressed out. Pick a cozy nook where you won't be interrupted. Consider each statement in terms of what is generally true or false for you, not how you wish you were or how you are some of the time. Don't analyze or think too deeply about each statement. Your first impression is usually the best. For an outside view of yourself, it can be enlightening to have a partner or friend answer for you. Compare your results with your friend's score. If the two tallies differ, talk about both of your views.


Answer the following questions T or F, then add up your True answers and check the scoring at the end of the list to see if you're an introvert, fall in the middle of the continuum, or are an extrovert.


-- When I need to rest, I prefer to spend time along or with one or two close people rather than with a group.

-- When I work on projects, I like to have larger uninterrupted time periods rather than smaller chunks.

-- I sometimes rehearse things before speaking, occasionally writing notes for myself.

-- In general, I like to listen more than I like to talk.

-- People sometimes think I'm quiet, mysterious, aloof, or calm.

-- I like to share special occasion with just one person or a few close friends, rather than have big celebrations.

-- I usually need to think before I respond or speak.

-- I tend to notice details many people don't see.

-- If two people have just had a fight, I feel the tension in the air.

-- If I say I will do something, I almost always do it.

-- I feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure to finish a project.

-- I can "zone out" if too much is going on.

-- I like to watch an activity for a while before I decide to join it.

-- I form lasting relationships.

-- I don't like to interrupt others; I don't like to be interrupted.

-- When I take in lots of information, it takes me a while to sort it out.

-- I don't like overstimulating environments. I can't imagine why folks want to go to horror movies or go on roller coasters.

-- I sometimes have strong reactions to smells, tastes, foods, weather, noises, etc.

-- I am creative and/or imaginative.

-- I feel drained after social situations, even when I enjoy myself.

-- I prefer to be introduced rather than to introduce others.

-- I can become grouchy if I'm around people or activities too long.

-- I often feel uncomfortable in new surroundings.

-- I like people to come to my home, but I don't like them to stay too long.

-- I often dread returning phone calls.

-- I find my mind sometimes goes blank when I meet people or when I am asked to speak unexpectedly.

-- I talk slowly or have gaps in my words, especially if I am tired or if I am trying to speak and think at once.

-- I don't think of casual acquaintances as friends.

-- I feel as if I can't show other people my work or ideas until they are fully formulated.

-- Other people may surprise me by thinking I am smarter than I think I am.


Add up the number of Trues. Then read the following to see where you fall.


20-29 True: Pretty darn introverted. As a result, it is extremely important for you to understand how to keep your energy flowing and how our brain processes information. You relate to life through your ideas, impressions, hopes and values. You are not at the mercy of your external environment. This book can help you use your inner knowledge and create your own path.


10-19 True: Somewhere in the middle. Like being ambidextrous, you are both introverted and extroverted. You may feel torn between needing to be alone and wanting to be out and about. So it's very helpful to notice when and how you consistently feel more energized. You judge yourself by your own thoughts and feelings and by the standards of other people. This gives you a broad view, but at times you may get caught up in seeing both sides of a situation and not know where you stand. It is important to learn to assess your temperament so you can maintain your energy and balance.


1-9 True: You are more extroverted. You judge yourself in the light of the values and reality of others. You work within the bounds of what exists to bring about change. As you reach midlife and your body slows down, you may surprise yourself by wanting to take a break from socializing or needing time to yourself and then not knowing what to do. You can develop techniques to help yourself remember what is best for you to do when you need solitude. To do this you will have to balance your extroverting skills by learning more introverting skills.


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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Quiet Reflection on a Noisy Planet Sep 4 2003
By Rebecca of Amazon TOP 1000 REVIEWER
Format:Paperback
"Introverts are like a rechargeable battery. They need to stop expending energy and rest in order to recharge. Extroverts are like solar panels that need the sun to recharge. Extroverts need to be out and about to refuel." ~Marti Olsen Laney

Imagine feeling alone in a crowd, preferring a quiet corner to the limelight and feeling overwhelmed by phones, parties and office meetings. Do people often think you are shy, aloof or antisocial? If you are an introvert, you are going to completely relate to a variety of comments that are like fireworks going off in recognition of truth. Introverts can hide their talents and only show them in certain situations.

Through reading this wonderful and often humorous book, you will be assured that nothing is wrong with you. In fact, there is a connection between Introversion and Intelligence.

What is fascinating is how Marti Olsen Laney explains how introverts create energy in the opposite way extroverts do. I'm often drained of all energy after being with people for extended periods of time, but being with a book can set me on fire with creativity and energy. I can handle small groups and connecting with familiar faces can actually energize me, but after three hours, I want to find a more peaceful setting.

This book helped me understand why I have deeper thoughts when I'm by myself than in a group setting. People seem to not know who I am in the "real-world," but online, I have found a place to show my true self. This is apparently because introverts are more comfortable with writing than speaking in public.

Are You an Introvert?

Are you detail oriented yet details in public spaces overwhelm you?
Do you prefer small parties with intimate friends?
Do you avoid crowds?
Would you rather be reading books in bed in your pajamas?
Do you get tired when you are around people, but energized when alone?
Do you feel guilty about having to "limit" your social experiences so you can survive?

Does your mind sometimes go blank in group situations?
Do you dislike being interrupted in the middle of a project?

The author has divided her comments into three main sections. First you find out if you really are an introvert, then you discover how to navigate the extrovert world. The last section explains how you can create the perfect life by "extroverting." This is just another way of saying that an introvert can also shine their light out into the world.

After reading the list of famous introverts, you will see similarities in their personalities. The author also gives a list of movies to add to your "must-see" list. Marti also spends time seeking the in-depth answers to brain chemistry. You will also find out if you are a Right or Left-Brained Introvert.

Then onward to "dating." The "Relationships: Face the Music and Dance" chapter shows how personality types collide, how to meet the challenge and then how to appreciate the differences. Even by reading the chapter on Parenting, I started to understand extroverts in a new way. I find extroverts to be fascinating, yet at times they overwhelm my cozy-sit-in-the-corner cat nature with their tiger tactics. Extroverts just seem so aggressive at times. The world can look a little threatening and a party can be overwhelming.

I love the author's ideas about how to be a sea anemone at a party. I've survived many parties with this tactic. If you are worried about what to say at a party, Marti gives plenty of solutions in the form of openers, sustainers, transitions and closers. Then she dives into the hazards from 9 to 5. This chapter will also shed some light on your personal relationships. Ok, by the time I read "Pack Your Survival Kit" this book had been more than helpful. These tips alone will encourage you to create a more peaceful planet.

"The Introvert Advantage" is an encouraging book for anyone who has felt the pain of being an introvert in an extrovert world. Marti Olsen Laney also shows how it can be equally painful and unfulfilling to remain in a state of seclusion. Through reading thoughtful segments on a daily basis, you can finally start to find balance in your daily existence.

This is a must-read book for all Introverts and the people who love them. The author has a comfortable writing style and you will feel "at home" and find yourself "completely" relating to her experiences. It is rare to find a book where you just fall in love with an author's personality. She is cute, witty and intellectual too. Finally someone out there understands! The author has really done her research.

Highly recommended. Add this book to your Top Ten must-read books this year. After all, it will help you understand 25% of the population.

~The Rebecca Review.com, A Right-brained "mostly" Introvert (INFP) and proud of it.

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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Please don't understand me too quickly May 28 2003
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I agree with those reviewers who complained that the author too often confuses introversion with shyness or even various types of social phobia.
I am an introvert among introverts and repeatedly score as far into introversion as one can get on the MBTI and other scales, so I know whereof I speak.
Contrary to what Marti Olsen Laney says, we introverts don't want extroverts to ask us for our opinions. In most situations, we prefer to listen and analyze, but when we have something to say, we will pontificate on it ad nauseum, which is why most academics, scientists and researchers are introverts.
We also don't prefer to socialize in small groups. We actually like being in large groups because then we are not forced to speak when we'd rather observe and listen. (We can get happily lost in a crowd.)
And God save us from those well-meaning souls who feel they are doing us introverts a favor by "drawing [us] out."
We prefer formality and value our privacy. We'll thank you to respect that.
Was this review helpful to you?
22 of 25 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Looking for more information and less self-help April 30 2003
Format:Paperback
I was hoping for a book that would help me understand why I am introverted. About the first quarter of the book did an ok job of doing this. It briefly delves into genetics, neurobiology, and the chemicals in our bodies that make introverts different from extroverts. This can help introverts see why we enjoy time alone so much.

The next three quarters of the book are a bit comical. It's full of self-help suggestions on how to adapt to the outside "extrovert world". Here are a few examples of what the author feels could help you to relax:

"Drink a cup of tea or a glass of water with a few drops of lemon juice in it"
"Look at a funny website"
"Break out of your routine and do something backward"
"Make cookies and take them to the office or give them to your child's class"

This is the general theme of the book for the last 200 pages! I don't need tips on how to help me deal with life. If you still haven't figured out how to live in the "extrovert world" at this point in your life then you have problems far beyond what this book can do for you.

Perhaps I should have done more research on what this book was really about before I bought it, and that is my fault. I'm just trying to warn those like me that may have been misled. Here's and easy way see if this book is or isn't for you:
Do you watch Oprah and Dr. Phil? - This book is for you.
Do you think watching Oprah and Dr. Phil is for weak-minded people who can't understand themselves well enough to find solutions to their problems on their own? - This book is not for you.

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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Superb!
I have personally come to know or have read about calm and quiet people in my lifetime___ my wife, my mother on hindsight as I was only 7 when she passed away, and other great... Read more
Published 3 days ago by Lewis S Sali
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant!
This book was definitely a treasure to discover. It is an eye opener for understanding others and could possibly assist in enhancing your relationships or establish a richer more... Read more
Published 21 days ago by Debra
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read!
This book is a must read for everyone - introvert or extrovert!
Clarifying ideas and thoughts that make sense the first time.
Published 2 months ago by Ashley
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome Book
This is an excellent book. I've recommended it to many of my clients – some of them have since purchased the book. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Nola Johnson
5.0 out of 5 stars The Introvert Advantage: Making the MOst of Your Inner Strengths
Being more on the introvert side, this book helps me to understand myself more and why I do the things that I do. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Lea
5.0 out of 5 stars Introvert Advantage
I was suprised how very helpful this book was to me in understanding why I am the way I am and accepting myself as such. I highly recommend it.
Published 5 months ago by Margaret Stoddart
2.0 out of 5 stars Not as good as hoped
I would NOT recommend this book to anyone who is looking for answers on introversion. I read the first couple of chapters and then basically skipped the remainder of the book... Read more
Published 13 months ago by mynameis
5.0 out of 5 stars Innies and outies
A fellow introverted author friend suggested I read this book and I'm glad I did. I had no idea that 75% of the population is extroverted. Read more
Published 21 months ago by Marsha Skrypuch
5.0 out of 5 stars A must for every Staff Development office
The extrovert bias in day to day business and personal dealings with people can be countered if we take the time to appreciate that 25% of the workforce is likely introverted,... Read more
Published on April 23 2009 by B. Lynne Harris
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Insights into the World of Introverts
Marti Olsen Laney's "The Introvert Advantage" is one of the most profound works that I have ever read and I just could not put it down. Read more
Published on Jan 13 2008 by Zadius Sky
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