The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life Paperback – Mar 1 2000
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About the Author
Susan Anderson, CSW, is a psychotherapist who has specialized in helping clients deal with heartbreak, loss and abandonment for more than 25 years. She has led workshops on abandonment recovery, conducts seminars and lectures, and has appeared on radio and television speaking on the related issues of addiction, parenting and abandonment.
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Top Customer Reviews
As well, being a person in this world, I too have been abandoned and despite the knowledge I hold as a mental health professional, experienced the full impact of that wrenching, soul-destroying, desperate fear and sadness.
As I reflected on my own loss, I found Susan's book uniquely helpful. It was especially useful to learn about the science of abandonment. It helped me to feel as if I was not loosing my mind and that despite all the information I held as a therapist, as a biological being, some of my experiences were natural and primal and although extremely painful...they were understandable. It gave me a real sense of hope and possibility.
Consequently, I have shared this book with many of my patients. Almost universally they have found it both comforting and helpful as a realistic tool toward healing and change. It is a book that I would not be without in the library of references I use to help others.
There will be times when someone is unable to fully utilize this book. When their fear of being hurt again is so intense that they hold on to the pain of abandonment as a way of never connecting again. A book that truly helps to transform is not embraced by anyone who unconsciously holds on to a wish to remain unchanged.
So, as a practitioner and a survivor, I could not recommend this book more highly!!
This book explained every single thing I was going through.... even the really crazy stuff... like how when I'd see him my heart would race and my hands would shake even though I knew he wasn't going to actually DO anything to me.
The way this guy broke up with me.... he asked me to meet him, for what I thought was a date, and ambushed me by breaking up with me publically in front of her and a lot of other people.
Your book explained to me that I didn't just FEEL like I was ambushed and/or attacked... but I physically reacted that way too. which is why every time I see them together, my body reacts as if it were in danger.
It helped me so much just to be able to understand why I was acting what seemed to be so crazy!
The exercises helped so much too. As I read it, I noticed myself moving through the stages just as described... and as I did the exercises... I started to get the distinct impression that I actually was healing afterall.
This book has been my manual for getting through this crisis... and hopefully finally working out my feelings and issues regarding all the previous ones too. So they might not come back to haunt me again.
When I hit the RAGE stage last week, I may have thought I'd gone insane to suddenly be so angry. But I knew, when I saw it, because it was in the book, that it was me healing... I tried to listen to the advice in the book, do the exercises, and use my anger in productive ways, and know that I'm on the right path because this book is a really good guide.
It will comfort you through the tough times, and help guide you to where you need to go when you're ready to move on through each next stage to healing.
I am happy to be able to see things in this new light.
I feel like this book has given me my sanity back.
Or maybe shown me that I really did have it all along afterall.
This book clearly articulates what I struggled to put into words about the abandonment symptoms I was experiencing. Abandonment is defined as an involuntary separation. Some symptoms include loss of control of the situation, separation anxiety and yearning for the lost love, hoping for the possibility of the lost love's return and the desparation caused by this desire.
The book also covers in great detail the physiology behind emotional withdrawal symptoms of abandonment, including the loss of opioids (hormones) which is similar to heroin withdrawal; the significance of extreme changes in appetite patterns; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; memory loss; the desire to self-medicate to endure the loss; and how society acknowledges those grieving over a death but not over a lost love.
Finally, Dr. Anderson gives some effective exercises in overcoming the crippling symptoms of abandonment. The exercises are not "pat" answers as found in some mainstream books and magazines. These are extensive, healing exercises requiring vulnerable, self-introspection.
I hope this helps someone else out there, too. It sure saved my sanity and all for the modest price of a book -- not an expensive block of therapy sessions!
Most recent customer reviews
Some of the chapters were dead on for my situation.........definitely a recommended read for someone who has been abandoned by a husband of over 35 years ........ Read morePublished 20 months ago by Agnes Waiwood
This book helped me in a lot of ways. It explained what your body and mind go through after a break up from someone you loved. Read morePublished on Sept. 12 2013 by Kelly
At the time when I found this book Susan Anderson was the only person I came across who wrote exclusively about abandonment and how to recover from it. Read morePublished on Jan. 11 2013 by N. Tischler
This book completely normalizes the thoughts and feelings you have after you have been broken up with and you are totally heart broken. Read morePublished on May 16 2011 by Naomi Ross
I have been experiencing the deepest grief in my life for the past two years over the failure of my marriage of 27 years. Read morePublished on Aug. 3 2007 by Jeanne Mulloy
It really does hurt, antidepressants do help, but somehow the pain is always there. You might need to read this wonderful book to understand why you are hurting. Read morePublished on April 18 2003 by Gary S. Hodges
I bought this book after a painful break-up. I did not care for this book. It's sort of long and basically did nothing to help me.Published on Aug. 20 2002 by J. Ortiz
This is a well researched book about how experiences from infancy through childhood are manifested in the brain and affect us as adults. Read morePublished on July 27 2002