The Language of Love and Respect: Cracking the Communication Code with Your Mate [Paperback]

I have previously read Eggerich's top selling book, Love and Respect a few years ago and loved it! So when my husband and I had the opportunity to attend a Love & Respect workshop at our former church, we jumped at the chance. At that time we had been married for approximently nine years and we learned SO much from it. We have always had a healthy marriage, but yet through Eggerich's book and workshop we learned so many more effective ways to improve our marriage.

Eggerich states in his book that communication problems are the biggest cause for marriage problems and I have to agree. If you cannot communicate properly, you can grow and improve. If you or your spouse is not
willing to do this, you marriage is very well doomed. In order to fix things you have to communicate, plain and simple.

When I found out that I could review The Language of Love and Respect through Thomas Nelson's Blogger Review Program, I jumped at the opportunity. However, after reading it I have to be honest and say I was a bit underwhelmed by it.

In reality, in the first part of The Language of Love and Respect has a lot of info that can be found in the first Love & Respect book. That said, the last part of the book had many new ideas that my husband and I could relate to and use in our marriage.

The one piece of information that has impacted me and allowed me to look at my husband and our marriage differently is this: you must remember that your words need to honor God first, regardless of whether your spouse in fact deserves it (a paraphrase). My husband may have done or said something to offend me, but if I am not honorable in my response, I am directly disobeying Ephesians 5.

This book is full of real life experiences to draw from and I highly recommend this book to be read by any couple, whether you are seriously dating, engaged, newlywed or been married a long time. It is a great refresher on communication and I love that it is highly Biblically based.

I love both the Love & Respect books. Own them both. Feel that they should be given to all couples who are serious. They are basic principles that often get lost in everyday life.

The Language of Love and Respect promises better communication with your mate and falls under the spiritual growth genre of self help books. It is a book I would not normally read as I frankly find the whole self help genre to be completely overdone and overhyped. I believe in living my life daily while trying to be fully present for experiences as they present themselves. Frankly I have always been baffled by people who seek spiritual awareness in a book. So the self help genre for me is a self indulgent and odd little phenomenon. The Language of Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has not changed my view of this type of book. To be clear there were probably a few good pointers in this book, but most of them seemed as if they'd already been written about somewhere else. The premise of this language is that men communicate essentially in blue while women communicate in pink. Women see things with pink sunglasses and men with blue; women hear things with pink hearing aids and men with blue. While the references to pink and blue are clearly old fashioned and stereotypical, the theory has a bit of merit. One need only drive on a roadtrip with a man anywhere to realize this theory. I explain it in terms of Google Maps. When I drive and navigate towards a destination I print out Google turn by turn word directions. It helps me to know when and where to turn. My husband, on the other hand, proved my theory this summer on a road trip to Ohio. He was stunned I hadn't printed out the actual map. Pink glasses. Blue glasses. I call it google map theory. The entire philosophy present in The Language is a bit too reminiscent of Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus. The language in this book also threw me as a reviewer. The author also describes what he calls the "Crazy Cycle" as the space in a communication exchange where you are trapped and communicating at cross purposes. The grown up verison of "No I didn't." "Yes, you did." In his defence he does give several examples of how to get off the cycle or avoid the cycle. He cites this as an example: on an occasion when his wife was planning to go help a friend with a new baby, she previously noted she would be going to him, but when it came closer to the event, she told him again and the author realizes he didn't remember her saying anything about the new baby. He suggests that as it is typically a male trait to not listen carefully enough, that it was his fault. Instead of stating: "You did not tell me that." the author paused and realized he was at fault. Instead the statement to his wife was something like this: "I am sorry, I don't recall hearing you tell me that you were going. I apologize I must not have been listening." If men read this type of book then there may be a few lessons learned from these types of examples. Still I wish he'd thought this out with more sensitivity to terminology. The term "Crazy Cycle" is somewhat offensive. Eggerichs is a P.H.D. and a Pastor who runs marriage clinics and counselling groups. He lives in East Lansing, Michigan. There are a few worthwhile communication lessons here, but this sadly is not a book I would go out of my way to buy as it has been done before, and I think also better, by other authors.
The Language of Love and Respect gets a $$ out of $$$$$
Thomas Nelson Publishers, $14.99 U.S. 2007 originally published as Cracking The Communication Code. (sadly a better title the first time around.)
Posted by thriftymomma at 2:56 PM