The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands [Paperback]

Anna and I will never forget an early fight we had when I refused sex because I was too tired from playing softball. But we both learned. Early in our marriage, we both learned that sex is a loving act that requires two ready participants to make it loving fabulous fun. It's a good thing we learned that, too. Anna needed my love and understanding when she had thyroid problems that left her exhausted, irritable, and lowered her sex drive. She was ill and needed to recover. Anna said yes, but later. I needed Anna's love and understanding as I struggled through treatment for prostate problems. I said yes, but later, I hope. I wasn't easy to live with then, either. We were frightened and confused even after diagnoses helped us understand the changes. As we went through these difficulties we weren't irritated that we couldn't meet all of each other's needs, we remained concerned and patient, because there was more to the story of our marriage than physical changes that neither of us fully understood at the time. Today, our marriage remains strong, joyous, and sexually interesting.

Sometimes my needs have been complicated and sometimes they have been simple. The same is true for Anna, although her needs are different. We've shared a full live together, and at times we've faced complicated problems together as does any couple who weathers the "full catastrophe of living." We got to know each other and we're learning more about each other and about life every day, even though we realize with some sadness that our life together is closer to the end than the beginning.

I want to believe the author is a well-meaning woman, but she is misguided. I also find it disturbing that she seems to dismiss her own failures by saying there is more to the story than that, but can't seem to see that there is more to the story of a loving marriage than the simplified disservice she's represented in this book.

Those are just a few examples of what men want, based on Dr. Laura Schlessinger's innumerable letters, e-mails and telephone calls received from frustrated men. "[W]omen get married thinking largely about what their marriage and their men can do for them, and not what they can do for their men," she writes.

Simple truths from a straight-forward woman. For over 25 years, Dr. Laura Schlessinger ("Dr. Laura") has been "preaching, teaching and nagging" on the radio, encouraging men and women to create healthy and stable homes for children. She goes a step further in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, encouraging wives to use their power as women to create happy homes.

This book speaks to the woman who criticizes, neglects or ignores her husband, a basically decent man (not the abuser or the addicted) who is often starved for his wife's attention and affection.

Men are dependent on their wives for their emotional well-being, and want to be loved and appreciated by them, says Dr. Laura, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Men are self-admitted "simple creatures" who are raised by women, marry women and rely on them for a sense of security. Consequently, if the wife is not happy, the home is not happy.

The book will certainly provide more fodder for Dr. Laura's detractors to chew on. The idea of considering your husband's needs above your own is old-fashioned and politically incorrect. The book is bound to draw criticism from a self-centered culture where personal happiness-and not the happiness of others-is the highest priority.

In The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura offers real-life examples from letters and phone call transcripts, as well as practical advice similar to the wise counsel women once received from their mothers and grandmothers on how to keep a happy home. Such advice is also biblical. In Titus 2, older women are instructed to mentor younger women and teach them how to care for their husbands and homes.

"How is it that so many women are angry with men in general yet expect to have a happy life married to one of them?" Dr. Laura asks. She believes the answer lies in the "assault upon, and virtual collapse of, the values of religious morality, modesty, fidelity, chastity, respect for life, and a commitment to family and child rearing."

Another culprit is feminism, which has created much chaos between men and women. This ideology is particularly caustic to marriage. Men and women are different, yet feminism teaches that they are fundamentally the same. As a result, women create strife by heaping unrealistic and unnecessary expectations on their husbands.

What Dr. Laura presents in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands is nothing new; it's merely a reminder of something very old. "Contrary to what a good forty years of feminist propaganda has claimed, it is not oppression, subjugation, or abdication of any feminine quality-of-life potential to marry a man, be proud of your bonding, rejoice in your gifts and sacrifices for your marriage and family, and derive pleasure and sustenance from your role as a wife and mother."

I am woman, hear me roar!

© 2004 La Shawn Barber
Originally appeared on Townhall.com.