I have no idea what to say about this book. I’m fascinated. I’m turned on. I’m horrified. I’m turned on. James Lear has created a fantasy/historical world that definitely touches my inner perv. A world where all men are gay and in possession of a “voracious [hole where the sun don’t shine].”
My opinion hasn’t changed much from my review of the first book. There’s still an impressive lack of lube. (However, there is exactly one mention of Vaseline. Color me relieved.) Mitch still has sex with an impressive amount of men, though I’m sorry to say that yet again I forgot to take a tally. (What’s wrong with me?) And, as usual, if that dude on the cover would just lift his hips a little, I could totally see his peen. Really, would that be too much to ask? Mr. Lear, your shocking disregard for the female sex disappoints me: A GIRL NEEDS SOME PENIS TOO, YOU KNOW. Jerk.
The main difference between this book and the first is that Lear has actually developed…an actual PLOT. It’s totally true! There’s at least 20% less sex (I know, I’m sad as well). Most of the plot is inspired by Agatha Christie’s Murder on the Orient Express. In this case there’s a murder on the Flying Scotsman, a train that travels between Edinburgh & London. There’s even a Hercule Poirot look-alike, a small mustachioed Belgian man name Betrand, who serves as Mitch’s main sidekick.
Also featured in this book:
-1920s movie & theatre star Tallulah Bankhead
“Tallulah, let me introduce you to a very good friend of mine, Mitch Mitchell. He’s like you, Talloo.”
“American, I mean.”
-The British Fascism Party, who were big, big fans of Benito Mussolini (this is such a bizarre plot point, I have nothing funny to say about it.)
-A gay virgin, the previously mention Betrand, who takes on not only Mitch, but 4 Scottish soldiers, ALL ON THE SAME DAY. He walks away from this with nary a limp.
-Again, Bertand (I have a serious admiration for this dude), later communicates to Mitch, THROUGH HIS [Hole where the sun don’t shine], that he’s in trouble.
“At first I couldn’t believe it. I waited, not moving my [penis], which was rock hard thanks to this pulsing grip….But yes, here is was again. The same pattern, the same rhythm….I was being signaled by an [hole where the sun don’t shine] in Morse code. And it was signaling SOS.”
-Finally, in one of the weirdest plot points, Prince George makes an appearance. As far as I can tell, Prince George is the future king of England, father of the present Queen Elizabeth II, and was portrayed by Colin Firth “The King’s speech.” But instead of speaking with a stutter, he has a pronounced lisp. He’s also having an affair with Hugo Taylor, a fictitious movie star. What the FUDGE, James Lear?!?
I hesitated to give this book a full 4 stars because it is just so bloody ridiculous. However, it’s also extremely entertaining and so I recommend it to anyone who wants a giggle.