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The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace Paperback – Jan 8 2001


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The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace + Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand: (. . . When you learn that it is better to receive than to give) The Superwoman's Practical Guide to Getting as Much as She Gives + The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for You
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Touchstone (Jan. 8 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743204441
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743204446
  • Product Dimensions: 14 x 1.8 x 21.4 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 272 g
  • Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (147 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #53,749 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • See Complete Table of Contents

Product Description

From Amazon

Self-proclaimed "feminist and former shrew" Laura Doyle sets forth a whopper of a game plan for establishing profound intimacy in one's marriage. Building on the gender stereotypes defined by bestselling author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), Doyle seeks to heal the overworked, underappreciated wife who snarls at her mate's every thought or action. Her message to these smart, self-sufficient types: check the nitpicking, the unsolicited opinions, and--egads!--the finances at the marital door (although she says it's still okay to wield control at work). Many women will find such advice archaic and offensive; some will simply laugh off this credential-free anachronism when they receive the book as a bridal-shower gag gift. Still others, identifying with Doyle's profile of a controlling wife, will be curious enough to dabble in her proposed art of "surrendering."

According to Doyle, the wife who chooses to surrender must learn to take care of herself first, overcome the desire to have more power, and abandon the myth of equality. Delving into the personal tales and sisterly advice shared within each chapter's pages, surrendering wives will further note the need to master unsavory phrases like "I can't," and "Whatever you think"--tough to swallow for a generation of women who value their own opinions. While she fully acknowledges that a few bills will go unpaid and a few deadlines or freeway exits will occasionally be missed, she also insists that surrendered wives will encounter less worry and fear, more money, and better sex. Hey, "Whatever you think...." --Liane Thomas

From Publishers Weekly

A natural for audio, Doyle is perky, enthusiastic, friendly and confiding as she shares her secrets for a happy marriage. Her main point is that when she criticized, nagged and tried to control her husband, the marriage suffered; but when she "surrendered," letting him do things his way and make decisions for the family, he rose to the occasion, becoming a responsible and loving husband and making her feel protected and cared for. Doyle's "one size fits all" approach is not likely to fit everyone; indeed, it's hard to imagine any wife (or husband, for that matter) feeling emotionally satisfied in a marriage where every one of the husband's suggestions is met with a demure "Whatever you think best, dear." Doyle's insistence that the husband should control all aspects of the family's finances is also likely to raise a few eyebrows. But such extremism aside, Doyle makes some worthwhile points. Nagging and criticizing are not conducive to marital harmony, and treating a man like an incompetent child turns the wife into his mother which isn't likely to make either party happy. Doyle also points out that wives need to take time to care for themselves (going to lunch with friends, getting facials or whatever activities they enjoy), instead of constantly martyring themselves to the needs of others. Based on the Fireside paperback.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to the Audio Cassette edition.

Inside This Book

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First Sentence
Respect the man you married by listening to him without criticizing him, insulting him, laughing at him or making fun of him. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

3.3 out of 5 stars

Most helpful customer reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Tim Josling on Oct. 31 2003
Format: Paperback
The book is written woman to woman and is full of interesting material about how women think and why they do what they do. I would recommend this to men for that reason. For those still living in the 1960s, men and women are different.
I have seen many of the sort of controlling women that the book is aimed at: the ones who micromanage their husbands and are never happy with them. The message is that if your husband is not good enough, leave. If he is one of the good guys, he wants to do the right thing if you will get off his back and give him some room.
Every chapter is full of helpful comments and insight to help make this work.
It is not about turning yourself into a doormat, at all. There are chapters on setting limits, communicating your needs, etc.
The almost violent reaction of some of the reviewers suggests that the author has hit a nerve. I think some of the reviewers see themselves well described in the book - like the author who describes herself as a feminist and former shrew. Some obviously never even read it, preferring to assume they knew what it would say.
Not prefect but worth a read. I bought it as a joke and then didn't read it for a long time because the title is so corny. Glad I did. If you take the message broadly there are messages for men too. Treat your wife with respect and do the right thing, work toward intimacy.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By W. Rashed on Dec 14 2002
Format: Paperback
I bought this book from an airport bookshop, because of its catchy title and I read most of it on my long flight. It was obviously an easy read and I found it to be quite "amusing"! This book would have been far more helpful to many more couples if it addressed both men and women. So a better book would have been: The Surrendered Partner: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace in your marriage In many marriages it's the man who is controlling rather than the woman, and a marriage based on mutual trust and respect is certainly much healthier than one based on nagging, controlling and criticizing your partner. Many times if one wants change one should start with oneself, and this applies to both wives and husbands. The concept that it's entirely up to the wife to fix the marriage and that women should play the role of "doll" rather than the role of " partner", is certainly flawed. . However, I have to admit that the 8 hours I spent on this book were of some use. I tried to be less critical and more encouraging of my husband and after sometime I found that he started to be less critical and more encouraging to me. I hated handling the budget, not that I was not doing a good job, and for a long time hesitated to ask my husband to take over. This book made me insist that it was finally his turn (neither of us likes budgeting!) Oh that was such a relief! So reading this book, in a very strange way has improved my marriage and my life! However I am certain that there must me more balanced relationship books out there, so look around before buying this one!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Jill Kreuer on March 31 2001
Format: Paperback
"Ugh" is the only expression suitable for this kind of garbage. Respect and submission are NOT synonymous. While there is no need to argue ALL the time, women should not be forced to censor themselves when they have an opinion. Compromise is the key word, not submission, by any means. If you love and respect your mate, then compromise, meaning fifty-fifty decision-making, is key to making any relationship work. Manipulating and playing mind games with your mate is not the answer. Grown-up communication is so much more than that, and is the only foundation for a solid and mature relationship. (Besides being more work, it is deeply rewarding when you connect with someone on this level.) Anyone who says differently, especially Ms Doyle, is fooling themselves. And that's the way it is.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on Jan. 11 2004
Format: Paperback
I picked up this book when my husband and I were separated a few years ago, applied the principals daily and my husband and I got back together and have been like newlyweds ever since. I attribute a lot of it to this book. I have not only a peaceful marriage, but it is absolutely wonderful. We're best friends. It makes sense. The title may seem misleading "surrendered" but I think it's best for strong-willed and independent women, which I am one. It's wonderfully written and MAKES SENSE. I recommend it to anyone who feels like they need to "change their man", when really it's about changing ourselves. It's awesome!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By coolia on Nov. 2 2003
Format: Paperback
This book's only redeeming quality is the entertainment value I got out of sharing its hilarious passages with my husband. The author apparently believes the only way to a healthy marriage is for women to subsume their own selves under a passive, agreeable facade.
The section on submitting to sex at least once a week regardless of whether or not a wife is in the mood - and even if she has a medically-based problem getting aroused - was the point at which I concluded this book would hold the honor of being the first book in my life I ever threw in the trash.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Mrs. Latina Bella on Nov. 5 2003
Format: Paperback
This book is wonderful. I feel sorry for the women that did not read this book with an open mind before criticizing and ridiculing it. Before I read this book my husband and I were at each other's throats constantly. But now, midway through the book (I'm still not through it yet) I have already found renewed passion and peace with my man. I have time to myself. I don't worry about everything any more. And I don't need to try to be in control of everything any more. And we rarely argue. What I think is the greatest part is that we have fun together again. We laugh. We enjoy eachother's company. We are more affectionate - and we don't avoid each other.
Even though I am not completely through the book yet, I am so happy with the impact that it has had on my relationship that I can give it 5 stars without having finished it. For all of you women that have given this book one star - do you and your husband a favor - read the book again. With an open mind. Your relationships can't be that perfect if you found a need to buy the book to begin with. So read the book again - and really WORK towards those positive changes that you were searching for in your relationship.
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