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The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace [Paperback]

Laura Doyle
3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (144 customer reviews)
List Price: CDN$ 18.99
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Book Description

Jan 8 2001
This controversial approach to marriage has transformed thousands of relationships, bringing women romance, harmony, and the intimacy they crave.

Like millions of women, Laura Doyle wanted her marriage to be better. But when she tried to get her husband to be more romantic, helpful, and ambitious, he withdrew -- and she was lonely and exhausted from controlling everything. Desperate to be in love with her man again, she decided to stop telling him what to do and how to do it.

When Doyle surrendered control, something magical happened. The union she had always dreamed of appeared. The man who had wooed her was back.

The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. Laura Doyle's model for matrimony shows women how they can both express their needs and have them met while also respecting their husband's choices. When they do, they revitalize intimacy.

Compassionate and practical, The Surrendered Wife is a step-by-step guide that teaches women how to:

  • Give up unnecessary control and responsibility
  • Resist the temptation to criticize, belittle, or dismiss their husbands
  • Trust their husbands in every aspect of marriage -- from sexual to financial

And more.

The Surrendered Wife will show you how to transform a lonely marriage into a passionate union.


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Product Description

From Amazon

Self-proclaimed "feminist and former shrew" Laura Doyle sets forth a whopper of a game plan for establishing profound intimacy in one's marriage. Building on the gender stereotypes defined by bestselling author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), Doyle seeks to heal the overworked, underappreciated wife who snarls at her mate's every thought or action. Her message to these smart, self-sufficient types: check the nitpicking, the unsolicited opinions, and--egads!--the finances at the marital door (although she says it's still okay to wield control at work). Many women will find such advice archaic and offensive; some will simply laugh off this credential-free anachronism when they receive the book as a bridal-shower gag gift. Still others, identifying with Doyle's profile of a controlling wife, will be curious enough to dabble in her proposed art of "surrendering."

According to Doyle, the wife who chooses to surrender must learn to take care of herself first, overcome the desire to have more power, and abandon the myth of equality. Delving into the personal tales and sisterly advice shared within each chapter's pages, surrendering wives will further note the need to master unsavory phrases like "I can't," and "Whatever you think"--tough to swallow for a generation of women who value their own opinions. While she fully acknowledges that a few bills will go unpaid and a few deadlines or freeway exits will occasionally be missed, she also insists that surrendered wives will encounter less worry and fear, more money, and better sex. Hey, "Whatever you think...." --Liane Thomas

From Publishers Weekly

A natural for audio, Doyle is perky, enthusiastic, friendly and confiding as she shares her secrets for a happy marriage. Her main point is that when she criticized, nagged and tried to control her husband, the marriage suffered; but when she "surrendered," letting him do things his way and make decisions for the family, he rose to the occasion, becoming a responsible and loving husband and making her feel protected and cared for. Doyle's "one size fits all" approach is not likely to fit everyone; indeed, it's hard to imagine any wife (or husband, for that matter) feeling emotionally satisfied in a marriage where every one of the husband's suggestions is met with a demure "Whatever you think best, dear." Doyle's insistence that the husband should control all aspects of the family's finances is also likely to raise a few eyebrows. But such extremism aside, Doyle makes some worthwhile points. Nagging and criticizing are not conducive to marital harmony, and treating a man like an incompetent child turns the wife into his mother which isn't likely to make either party happy. Doyle also points out that wives need to take time to care for themselves (going to lunch with friends, getting facials or whatever activities they enjoy), instead of constantly martyring themselves to the needs of others. Based on the Fireside paperback.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to the Audio Cassette edition.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
Respect the man you married by listening to him without criticizing him, insulting him, laughing at him or making fun of him. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Ludicrous. Nov 2 2003
By coolia
Format:Paperback
This book's only redeeming quality is the entertainment value I got out of sharing its hilarious passages with my husband. The author apparently believes the only way to a healthy marriage is for women to subsume their own selves under a passive, agreeable facade.

The section on submitting to sex at least once a week regardless of whether or not a wife is in the mood - and even if she has a medically-based problem getting aroused - was the point at which I concluded this book would hold the honor of being the first book in my life I ever threw in the trash.

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Offensive and dangerous Jan 29 2001
Format:Paperback
As a man, I find this theory offensive. The author seems to think that either of her two modes of marital practice--bitchy control freak [former] and submissive doormat [now] are the only two states married couples can function in. How about leaving the realm of the dysfunctional and try a healthier approach--mutual respect? A man who can recognize that the woman he married is intelligent, might know directions better than he, or has some expertise in finance or raising children, is not a man, he's a EUNUCH pretending to be a man. On behalf of my wife, a brilliant, funny, secure and loving woman with whom I am privileged to share life, I'd like to say BAH! Anyone who thinks the world evolves into something better by one sex pretending to be less than it is deserves what is coming down the road--oppression.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating insight into the female mind Oct 31 2003
Format:Paperback
The book is written woman to woman and is full of interesting material about how women think and why they do what they do. I would recommend this to men for that reason. For those still living in the 1960s, men and women are different.

I have seen many of the sort of controlling women that the book is aimed at: the ones who micromanage their husbands and are never happy with them. The message is that if your husband is not good enough, leave. If he is one of the good guys, he wants to do the right thing if you will get off his back and give him some room.

Every chapter is full of helpful comments and insight to help make this work.

It is not about turning yourself into a doormat, at all. There are chapters on setting limits, communicating your needs, etc.

The almost violent reaction of some of the reviewers suggests that the author has hit a nerve. I think some of the reviewers see themselves well described in the book - like the author who describes herself as a feminist and former shrew. Some obviously never even read it, preferring to assume they knew what it would say.

Not prefect but worth a read. I bought it as a joke and then didn't read it for a long time because the title is so corny. Glad I did. If you take the message broadly there are messages for men too. Treat your wife with respect and do the right thing, work toward intimacy.

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Most recent customer reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Practical and Thought Provoking
Controversial though it may seem, this book provides practical ways in which to improve your marriage and regain that lost intimacy. The author's advice really does work!
Published on Oct 1 2010 by Roxy
5.0 out of 5 stars Free Will and Freedom of Choice without BEING LOOKED DOWN UPON
I am very thankful for this book[search the book name in Wikipedia, then there see the video "60 Minutes Australia: Under the thumb"], and for all ladies who like it, Don't ever... Read more
Published on Jun 29 2009 by HappyMenWomen6023
4.0 out of 5 stars It works when you try it....
I always hated those smug happy couples. You know the ones. But then I met my husband, and a lot of things changed for me. Read more
Published on Jun 16 2004
3.0 out of 5 stars Some good advice, and some bad.
I liked a lot of what this book had to offer. There were things that just wouldn't work in a lot of relationships though, so you really have to just take what feels right for... Read more
Published on April 29 2004 by Anya
1.0 out of 5 stars This book is horrible!
This book sucks! If you are a wife who has controlled, criticized, belittled, and dismissed your husband into nothingness, this book might be for you. Read more
Published on Jan 17 2004 by Elizabeth B. Fisher
5.0 out of 5 stars Best for a peaceful and wonderful marriage
I picked up this book when my husband and I were separated a few years ago, applied the principals daily and my husband and I got back together and have been like newlyweds ever... Read more
Published on Jan 11 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars Good Book Bad Title
I felt a little sketchy about this book because of what the title implies, boy I was glad I purchased this book dispite my inital attitude! Read more
Published on Jan 9 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a great book...
This book is wonderful. I feel sorry for the women that did not read this book with an open mind before criticizing and ridiculing it. Read more
Published on Nov 5 2003 by Mrs. Latina Bella
4.0 out of 5 stars ...missing the point
Men have power in brute force and stamina...which they can choose to abuse, or they can put it to constructive use (my man gut rehabbed a house, wouldn't dream of me taking the... Read more
Published on Sep 3 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars Don't Let The Title Fool You!
A Surrendered Wife is no doormat. A Surrendered Wife bravely and couragously commits to making a loving, nuturing marriage the most important goal of all -- and she will receive... Read more
Published on July 23 2003 by marjyvh
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