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The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace Paperback – Jan 8 2001


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Touchstone (Jan. 8 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743204441
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743204446
  • Product Dimensions: 14 x 1.8 x 21.4 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 272 g
  • Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (145 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #77,924 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • See Complete Table of Contents

Product Description

From Amazon

Self-proclaimed "feminist and former shrew" Laura Doyle sets forth a whopper of a game plan for establishing profound intimacy in one's marriage. Building on the gender stereotypes defined by bestselling author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), Doyle seeks to heal the overworked, underappreciated wife who snarls at her mate's every thought or action. Her message to these smart, self-sufficient types: check the nitpicking, the unsolicited opinions, and--egads!--the finances at the marital door (although she says it's still okay to wield control at work). Many women will find such advice archaic and offensive; some will simply laugh off this credential-free anachronism when they receive the book as a bridal-shower gag gift. Still others, identifying with Doyle's profile of a controlling wife, will be curious enough to dabble in her proposed art of "surrendering."

According to Doyle, the wife who chooses to surrender must learn to take care of herself first, overcome the desire to have more power, and abandon the myth of equality. Delving into the personal tales and sisterly advice shared within each chapter's pages, surrendering wives will further note the need to master unsavory phrases like "I can't," and "Whatever you think"--tough to swallow for a generation of women who value their own opinions. While she fully acknowledges that a few bills will go unpaid and a few deadlines or freeway exits will occasionally be missed, she also insists that surrendered wives will encounter less worry and fear, more money, and better sex. Hey, "Whatever you think...." --Liane Thomas

From Publishers Weekly

A natural for audio, Doyle is perky, enthusiastic, friendly and confiding as she shares her secrets for a happy marriage. Her main point is that when she criticized, nagged and tried to control her husband, the marriage suffered; but when she "surrendered," letting him do things his way and make decisions for the family, he rose to the occasion, becoming a responsible and loving husband and making her feel protected and cared for. Doyle's "one size fits all" approach is not likely to fit everyone; indeed, it's hard to imagine any wife (or husband, for that matter) feeling emotionally satisfied in a marriage where every one of the husband's suggestions is met with a demure "Whatever you think best, dear." Doyle's insistence that the husband should control all aspects of the family's finances is also likely to raise a few eyebrows. But such extremism aside, Doyle makes some worthwhile points. Nagging and criticizing are not conducive to marital harmony, and treating a man like an incompetent child turns the wife into his mother which isn't likely to make either party happy. Doyle also points out that wives need to take time to care for themselves (going to lunch with friends, getting facials or whatever activities they enjoy), instead of constantly martyring themselves to the needs of others. Based on the Fireside paperback.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to the Audio Cassette edition.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
Respect the man you married by listening to him without criticizing him, insulting him, laughing at him or making fun of him. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

3.3 out of 5 stars

Most helpful customer reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Tim Josling on Oct. 31 2003
Format: Paperback
The book is written woman to woman and is full of interesting material about how women think and why they do what they do. I would recommend this to men for that reason. For those still living in the 1960s, men and women are different.
I have seen many of the sort of controlling women that the book is aimed at: the ones who micromanage their husbands and are never happy with them. The message is that if your husband is not good enough, leave. If he is one of the good guys, he wants to do the right thing if you will get off his back and give him some room.
Every chapter is full of helpful comments and insight to help make this work.
It is not about turning yourself into a doormat, at all. There are chapters on setting limits, communicating your needs, etc.
The almost violent reaction of some of the reviewers suggests that the author has hit a nerve. I think some of the reviewers see themselves well described in the book - like the author who describes herself as a feminist and former shrew. Some obviously never even read it, preferring to assume they knew what it would say.
Not prefect but worth a read. I bought it as a joke and then didn't read it for a long time because the title is so corny. Glad I did. If you take the message broadly there are messages for men too. Treat your wife with respect and do the right thing, work toward intimacy.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By W. Rashed on Dec 14 2002
Format: Paperback
I bought this book from an airport bookshop, because of its catchy title and I read most of it on my long flight. It was obviously an easy read and I found it to be quite "amusing"! This book would have been far more helpful to many more couples if it addressed both men and women. So a better book would have been: The Surrendered Partner: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace in your marriage In many marriages it's the man who is controlling rather than the woman, and a marriage based on mutual trust and respect is certainly much healthier than one based on nagging, controlling and criticizing your partner. Many times if one wants change one should start with oneself, and this applies to both wives and husbands. The concept that it's entirely up to the wife to fix the marriage and that women should play the role of "doll" rather than the role of " partner", is certainly flawed. . However, I have to admit that the 8 hours I spent on this book were of some use. I tried to be less critical and more encouraging of my husband and after sometime I found that he started to be less critical and more encouraging to me. I hated handling the budget, not that I was not doing a good job, and for a long time hesitated to ask my husband to take over. This book made me insist that it was finally his turn (neither of us likes budgeting!) Oh that was such a relief! So reading this book, in a very strange way has improved my marriage and my life! However I am certain that there must me more balanced relationship books out there, so look around before buying this one!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on Jan. 29 2001
Format: Paperback
A couple of weeks ago my husband put "The Surrendered Wife" on the bed for me to find and read. I was shocked and disgusted. Once I got over my initial reactions, I did read the back of the book and skimmed a very little of it inside and I was insulted. Mine is an emotionally abusive marriage. My husband is so obsessed about "not being henpecked" that he goes in the totally opposite direction. He is the controller and this book is just another way of manipulating me. I refused to read the book so he finds it important and amusing to quote from it and leave it on my pillow all the time. I know that the author says that this book is not for the abusive relationship, but lets face it, many times we do not realize that we are in such a relationship until years later or after counseling. My husband honestly beleives that I try to control him, yet in reality it is the opposite with him controlling HIS money amongst other things. Rather than go on with examples, the result for me is a loss of self and now my treatment for depression. Thanks to this book, merely asking for a favor is an act of control, giving my opinion or worse yet, telling him about something I like or find pretty is considered control and reason for an argument. This book has validated my husband's behavior! What about a marriage being a partnership of mutual respect and affection? When one partner is "surrendered", the other is empowered. It's just too easy to take advantage of that empowerment without even realizing the damage done. Husbands and wives, treat each other the way you want to be treated! Respect and appreciate each other and communicate your feelings. Take responsibility for your own behavior! Do not think that this book will be the answer to prayers, it may be the opposite.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Jill Kreuer on March 31 2001
Format: Paperback
"Ugh" is the only expression suitable for this kind of garbage. Respect and submission are NOT synonymous. While there is no need to argue ALL the time, women should not be forced to censor themselves when they have an opinion. Compromise is the key word, not submission, by any means. If you love and respect your mate, then compromise, meaning fifty-fifty decision-making, is key to making any relationship work. Manipulating and playing mind games with your mate is not the answer. Grown-up communication is so much more than that, and is the only foundation for a solid and mature relationship. (Besides being more work, it is deeply rewarding when you connect with someone on this level.) Anyone who says differently, especially Ms Doyle, is fooling themselves. And that's the way it is.
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