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"Elaine Aron is a protector of the heart-a woman who offers a wise perspective on what it means to be a true, authentic human being who honors his or her soul. The Undervalued Self takes a critical (and insightful) look at what keeps people from fully expressing their power and engaging in the highest form of human activity-connecting with others in a deep and respectful way. I highly recommend this book!" (Cheryl Richardson, New York Times bestselling author of Take Time for Your Life and Life Makeovers )
"Elaine Aron's newest book, The Undervalued Self, is the centerpiece of a new psychology of liberation that is must reading for all of us--the timid and the bold alike. She carries her keen insights on human nature over from her bestseller, The Highly Sensitive Person, to this new domain of advising us how to free ourselves from the many constraints that limit our potential. She guides us on a path to discovering new joys and fulfillment in our personal and professional lives." (Philip G. Zimbardo, author of The Time Paradox and The Lucifer Effect )
"Elaine Aron's newest book, The Undervalued Self, is the centerpiece of a new psychology of liberation that is must reading for all of us--the timid and the bold alike. She carries her keen insights on human nature over from her bestseller, The Highly Sensitive Person, to this new domain of advising us how to free ourselves from the many constraints that limit our potential. She guides us on a path to discovering new joys and fulfillment in our personal and professional lives." (Philip G. Zimbardo, author of The Time Paradox and The Lucifer Effect )
Product Description
Elaine Aron follows up her bestsellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love. From the bedroom to the boardroom, her strategies will enable us to escape feelings of shame, defeat, and depression; dissolve relationship hostility; and become our best selves. With Aron's clear, empathetic writing and extraordinary scientific and human insight, THE UNDERVALUED SELF is a simple and effective guide to developing healthy, fulfilling relationships, and finding true self-worth.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
4.2 out of 5 stars (8 customer reviews)
23 of 23 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Self Help For Finding Your True Worth, Mar 11 2010
By M. G. Gagliano "Maria" - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth (Hardcover)
In A Nutshell: After reading it, I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. The Undervalued Self is a great resource that I will continue to return to for many years, in fact, a lot of the pages have been tagged for future reference.I especially like the active imagination sessions and connecting the past to the cause. If we can retrace our past life experiences we can connect the dots on the present way we think about ourselves.
In chapter five (my absolute favorite chapter, one I wish I could recreate here word for word) is called Linking with the Innocent. Who is the Innocent? Well, my friend that is YOU! You know, the you before now, before the learned behaviors, attitudes and way of thinking that have brought you to your lowest moments.
Dr. Aron pieces it all together in the most effective way.
This book WILL help you.
24 of 26 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
What Do You Think of Yourself?, Mar 16 2010
By Grapes - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth (Hardcover)
Elaine N. Aron, PhD's book the undervalued self is filled with interesting journaling tests, personal experience stories and the pros and cons of how and why, the undervalued self, manipulates needs and desires to protect the inner child.I especially felt drawn to the personal stories. I could see myself so easily acting in the same way in order to gain some sort of power or recognition from family and friends. Until I read Dr. Elaine N. Aron's book, I did not realize that striving to remain passive or trying to overachieve can result in what I do not want to see happen in my life. It's like working for a golden star. Then receiving not a golden star instead I receive a bulky round ball of twine. Of course, my disappointment is going to sky rocket. Still, the ball of twine is always mine simply because I do not know how to develop an authentic self value.
This book is fascinating. I feel as though reading it more than one time will only make my new self stronger and more able to face future situations involving who I am ,undervalued or valued.
15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great Help If an Inner Voice Holds You Back - Or You Want to Help Others Out of a Spiral of Defeat, July 18 2010
By Emily S. - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth (Hardcover)
Undervaluing yourself can lead to a self-fulfilling spiral of declining opportunities out of lack of confidence -- and thereby missing out on opportunities that might have been beneficial and missing a chance to build confidence. If you relate to this scenario, The Undervalued Self will likely be an eye-opener and lead you on path to healing if you're willing to work through the helpful exercises.Important note for fans of Aron's other books: The Undervalued Self does not specifically focus on Highly Sensitive People, though there is a connection that Aron saw in many of her patients. As discussed on pages 92-93, being highly sensitive could increase the risk of having an undervalued self on two fronts. On the innate tendencies side, 1) highly sensitive people are more easily overstimulated so may not do as well in high-pressure situations as they expect of themselves, and 2) they tend to be conscientious and aware of consequences so pay extra attention to their mistakes. On the personal history side, 1) as members of a numerical minority, they may be criticized for being "too sensitive," and 2) they may be more affected than others by the same childhood trauma.
Even if you don't undervalue yourself, you probably interact with people who do. In Chapters 4 and 7, Aron shares tips for effective communication (with some similarities to techniques such as non-violent communication), with a focus on challenging the reader to respond honestly instead of with self-protective behaviors, and helping others do the same. Aron even provides specific conversation-starter questions and several compelling dialogues that illustrate how to connect with someone who is using self-protective behaviors. For example, Aron suggests, if you say to a colleague, "Congratulations on your award," and your colleague replies, "They had to give it to somebody," you might help the person acknowledge his or her pride in the achievement by saying, "Don't worry, I won't think you're uppity for having a little pride - you really deserve this recognition. I'd certainly be bursting with pride."
A few bonus features: The discussion of dreams in Chapter 6 on dealing with the Inner Critic will be useful for those wondering why they are having so many bad dreams, and the appendix on How to Find a Good Therapist has valuable insights from affording sessions to how to choose among several therapists.
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