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If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From Library Journal
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Most helpful customer reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
A Good Place to Start,
By Becky (Midwest) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond (Paperback)
This book was instrumental in helping me realize what was going on in my marriage--I recognized my (ex)husband and myself on almost every page!I became frustrated, however, when I'd try some of the techniques Evans suggests for responding to VA and end up being abused even more. Saying "Stop it!" or "Cut it out!"was tantamount to telling him "Step it up!" I had to go to other sources of information to find guidance on what to do if I needed to get away (and I did). She does mention that staying could be unwise if the abuser threatens physical harm or if the victim feels "stunned" or "shocked." Perhaps detailed advice about how to summon the strength to get out goes beyond the book's purpose. That's why I feel this book should be supplemented with others about abuse and recovery from it. I'd also like to see some mention of the importance of balance. What is and isn't *abusive* can be ambiguous. Sometimes it isn't the words themselves that are abusive;rather it's the intent behind them that needs examining. An example is found in a list of discounting statements on page 92: "You read things into my words". I've said that to my abuser because he DID tend to interpret things I said in negative ways when I knew I meant nothing negative at all. Does my saying that make me abusive? Was I discounting him or was I trying(in vain) to *make* him understand me and what he was doing to me? I found this confusing. I'd also like to see a revision that includes male victims and their stories. I agree that they deserve to be specifically included. In summary: this book is great in that it validates the VA victim's experience and helps him/her realize that they aren't going crazy!It gives some responses that may or may not be effective in stopping the abuse, but at least offer better alternatives to becoming hysterical, deeply depressed, and even more intimidated. Alone, however,it's not enough.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Crystalizes ungraspable experiences,
By A Customer
This review is from: The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond (Paperback)
Pick up this book if dealing with your partner brings up feelings of your ineptness in his/her eyes, invalidation, FEAR, oppression, disenfranchisement to feel your feelings, a sense that you're a nuissance to your partner, or you feel stripped of your confidence and sense of self worth. Verbal abuse is not only overt, but covert which can be most damaging due to its insidious nature. If you're having feelings which you can't name, but are signals that somehow something is destroying your sense of wholeness as a person - pick up this book. It will help you name the feelings whose identities escape you. But, do pick up complementary books as this one serves to "identify" and not so much give explanations.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Verbally Abusive Relationship,
By A Customer
This review is from: The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond (Paperback)
This book changed my life. It helped me to identify and analyze my own verbally abusive relationship. If I would have known about the dynamics of an abusive realtionship earlier in my life, I believe I could have avoided the trap or be able to leave at an earlier point of this relationship. It has become the most important book of my life.It is geared towards male and female verbal abuse but focuses more on the women's point of view since they often suffer far more.
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