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Gender, too, is always on Coontz's mind. In the third chapter ("My Mother Was a Saint"), she offers an analysis of the contradictions and chasms inherent in the "traditional" division of labor. She reveals, next, how rarely the family exhibited economic and emotional self-reliance, suggesting that the shift from community to nuclear family was not healthy. Coontz combines a clear prose style with bold assertions, backed up by an astonishing fleet of researched, myth-skewing facts. The 88 pages of endnotes dramatize both her commitment to and deep knowledge of the subject. Brilliant, beautifully organized, iconoclastic, and (relentlessly) informative The Way We Never Were breathes fresh air into a too often suffocatingly "hot" and agenda-sullied subject. In the penultimate chapter, for example, a crisp reframing of the myth of black-family collapse leads to a reinterpretation of the "family crisis" in general, putting it in the larger context of social, economic, and political ills.
The book began in response to the urgent questions about the family crisis posed her by nonacademic audiences. Attempting neither to defend "tradition" in the era of family collapse, nor to liberate society from its constraints, Coontz instead cuts through the kind of sentimental, ahistorical thinking that has created unrealistic expectations of the ideal family. "I show how these myths distort the diverse experiences of other groups in America," Coontz writes, "and argue that they don't even describe most white, middle-class families accurately." The bold truth of history after all is that "there is no one family form that has ever protected people from poverty or social disruption, and no traditional arrangement that provides a workable model for how we might organize family relations in the modern world."
Some of America's most precious myths are not only precarious, but down right perverted, and we would be fools to ignore Stephanie Coontz's clarion call. --Hollis Giammatteo
From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Busting Propaganda,
By Lori Cameron (Helotes, Texas USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap (Paperback)
The mindset of so many regarding the "good old days" is the very reason why so many people NEED to read this book! The only difference between now, the 1950's, the Victorian era, and any other time in history is that now we are exposed to reality (and propaganda) at a higher and faster rate than ever before (via mass media and other technology). Yes, I'd like to go back to the 50's - when fathers and grandfathers could abuse their children and wives and neighbors would turn the other way, when "perfect" mothers lived on dexedrine and valium and martinis made everyone's lives a little more bearable. When "unwed" mothers (forget the unwed fathers who happened to be part of the picture) were shunned, hidden, and sent away and the subject was so taboo that even reality couldn't shed light on it. Besides - teen sex? Who needed it when you got married at the ripe old ages of 14, 15, 16, 17 & 18?! And prostitution? Come on, prostitution has been around since biblical times, and pornography for almost as long. Of course, in the minds of those who "revere" the good old days (whose attitude is REALLY one of "I'm better than you are"), prostitution was and is a stigma on WOMEN, and neglects to mention that each act of heterosexual prostitution also involves a MAN. And hey, who wouldn't want a little opium in their pain reliever or a little "coke" in their soda. Wake up! Human nature and behavior have NOT changed significantly in the past few centuries. Any reasonable, open-minded look into the REAL history (not the idealized or romanticized version) of families, relationships, marriage, and sex (as well as drugs and "rock & roll") will quickly prove to any intelligent person that it isn't human nature that has changed, it is technology (well, that and ECONOMIC INEQUITY). If anything is "tearing families apart", it isn't the degradation of human nature, but the rapid increase of severe social, economic, and political disparity that does not allow families a stay at home parent (man or woman), time together, or any sense of economic security - and that, my friends, has NOTHING to do with sex or drugs. Bravo to Ms. Coontz for facing up to our ridiculous notions of the "good old days". I for one would rather know the truth any day than be trapped in some modern day version of Dante's cave, in which the only reality I would ever know or believe was the one that some other person chose to display to me. Come on, people, think for yourselves! And PLEASE, pass this book onto anyone and everyone you know (and there's a reward out for anyone who can get my grandfather to read it)!
3.0 out of 5 stars
Had to put it down.,
By "pinkpoodle11" (Minneapolis, MN United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap (Paperback)
I got about halfway through this book and I couldn't take it anymore. I agree with her analysis of private vs. public morality and family life. She also observed that the return to "family values" is indirectly targeted toward women. While I think she did a fairly good job tackling a very challenging topic, I had many problems with her organization. For example, she went into excrutiating detail to support her argument. She also came across as too academic, which is great for a student or teacher, but not for a casual reader. She rambled so much that at times I forgot her initial argument. Also, her time range was too great. I honestly don't think politicians are referring to the Victorian age when talking about "family values." She could have limited her argument to the 20th Century and it would have been just as effective, if not MORE effective. I had to skip parts because I got so sick of reading about irrelevant descriptions of Victorian life. This book would have been a lot more interesting if she had added a more qualitative, personalized element to her discussion. Overall, its not a bad book, it's just too much like a textbook.
5.0 out of 5 stars
Yes!,
By Annie (San Francisco, CA United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap (Paperback)
I was powerfully inclined in this book's favor before I ever read it, because I already KNEW the Fifties weren't so great. How? Because I grew up in the 1950s, the child of a woman who left my father because he was drunk who beat her, was starting to beat me (when I was a baby), and could not hold a job. I also well recall my grandparents' devoutly religious friends calling her a bad woman and a bad mother for leaving her marriage. So needless to say I loved this book. It seems to me to be well researched and to point out a lot of things we have forgotten about the Fifties. There were lots of women like my mother, who went out to work to support themselves and their children, and it's nice to finally find a book that points out that we were there, too, along with all the picket fences and nuclear familites; that things were more complex than some people want to acknowledge, that families can be hell on earth for their members, that in spite of what another reviewer says, leaving a marriage can be a good moral choice and not a sign of depravity. Five stars, but allow for the fact that I am sort of biased here.
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