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If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? [Mass Market Paperback]

Carl Hindy Ph.D. , J. Conrad Schwartz Ph.D. , Archie Brodsky
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
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Book Description

July 1 1990
It doesn't have to hurt to be in love, yet for many otherwisde accomplished and confident people, romantic involvement means anxiety, insecurity, and pain. This provocative and authoritative sourcebook, filled with true-life stories and dramatic case histories, will set every reader on a path of greater self-understanding -- and increase the possibilities of finding an enduring love.

Frequently Bought Together

If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? + The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships + Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy
Price For All Three: CDN$ 39.45


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Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

New Hampshire psychologist Hindy, Schwarz, professor of psychology at the University of Connecticut, and Brodsky, coauthor of Love and Addiction , here present the impressive results of a research project on insubstantial relationships. Charts and questionnaires accompany stories of people whose marriages and/or romantic affairs fail, predictably and consistently. Case histories gleaned from the 1700 participants in the study dramatize situations that reveal how even accomplished men and women lose partners through self-defeating behavior. There are examples of anxious lovers exhibiting servility or belligerence, jealousy and possessiveness, etc., emotional flaws rooted, according to the authors, in childhood. Readers suffering from fears of rejection will find numerous parallels to their own experiences in the depictions of ways people drive away those they love. 50,000 first printing; $50,000 ad/promo; author tour.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Basing their discussion on the results of tests taken by 1750 people as well as on numerous studies and interviews, the authors focus on what they call anxious romantic attachment or insecure love. In contrast to stable relationships, such attachments exhibit excessive anxiety, jealousy, detachment, and depression. To discover why some people are prone to these attachments and how they can help themselves, the authors offer tests, real-life examples, and concrete advice. Parents will find important chapters on how they affect the love relationships of their children's adult life. Challenging, informative, and helpful, this book is highly recommended.
- John Moryl, Yeshiva Univ. Lib., New York
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.


Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5 stars
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I can see clearer know ! June 15 2005
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Excellent Book !! This book was a gift for myself, and I am amazed at the extensive analysis of anxiously attached people, that it provides. I have a clearer view know as to why I behave like I behave in relationships, as well as why I tend to choose the partners I have chosen. It's all a cycle. It was a long read, but it's really, really worth it. All the examples of other people's experiences that are described in the book, were real eye openers. I am hoping this is a good step to start changing my behavioral patterns.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Unbelievably enlightening Feb. 13 2004
By A Customer
Format:Mass Market Paperback
I purchased this book at a bookstore just a few days ago because I am suffering disproportionately over a relationship that ended almost as long ago as the relationship itself lasted. Through this book, I've discovered that I am a textbook case of a woman grappling with both romantic anxiety AND romantic obsession. I always knew something wasn't "right" with me, but this book (and I've read countless self-help books and received glimmers of truth) really nailed it on the head, outlining how my upbringing (a distant, passive, uninvolved, and angry father and a lenient mother who drew all of us kids into coalition with her) created a deep-seated inability to connect with the opposite sex in a healthy way. Sadly, I discovered this book 24 hours AFTER exploding at the man with whom I was attached, thereby eliminating the possibility of even cordiality. I realize now that it had FAR more to do with me than him, and, of course, I regret so many things. An amazing book, albeit extremely painful to read. My main complaint with the book is that, while it does a SUPERB job at identifying your insecurity and its origins, you're left asking yourself, "OK, now I know what's wrong with me. What do I do now?" All you're given is one small chapter. I would recommend to the authors that they develop exercises for people suffering from this debilitating and intimacy-stealing condition -- perhaps a workbook. Luckily, I have a therapist who can help me, but most people don't have that luxury. I HIGHLY recommend this book!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Mass Market Paperback
I would often end up in relationships that I knew were bad from the start. I would immediatly feel a sense of insecurity and jealousy. Deep down, I knew it was something I was "going through". After years of relationship turmoil a close friend recommended this book. I was told it cold be a hard read at first but to bear with it, and it would work miracles. Well, it did! I am now in a wonderful relationship and able to identify feelings or thoughts as they enter in. I am able to recognize them for what they are and not what they have always been. I am now closer to my friends and my parents than ever before. I thank Dr. Hindy and his co-writers for this new chance at life. I may actually venture to Dr' Hindy's office in NH to meet him to thank him personally.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Changed My Life Oct. 2 2002
By A Customer
Format:Mass Market Paperback
This book is absolutley fabulous! I did not purchase it off Amazon.com, but at a bookstore. I read a little of the later chapters and put it back in search of another book. I found myself back at this book once again. I took the time to read the first few chapters, and it is so elightening. I always thought my partners were the one's who caused my relationship problems, and this book has made me take a good look at myself and realize my actions and feelings were the true problem. For anyone that feels they never seem to get what they need out a relationship, it may be time to read this book and do some self-reflection. It may not be you that is the cause, but those that you engage in relationships with. This book will help. BEST MONEY I EVER SPENT!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The most enlightening book I ever bought! Jan. 16 1999
By A Customer
Format:Mass Market Paperback
In some ways, we can all relate to this book. It is truly a great book to help you understand yourself, as well as others. Not everything in the book would relate to me, but this book is just packed full of insightful information that it is really worth it. I have never spent my money more wisely than when I bought this rather inexpensive book. For the price, you get so much out of it. But then again, the price doesn't really matter since you gain so much understanding from this book that it is priceless.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book will change your life! March 15 2002
By A Customer
Format:Mass Market Paperback
I read this book a few years ago and it felt like someone was looking in my windows. It was so hard to believe there was a whole world of people out there who felt exactly the same was as I did. Insecurity does not equal love. It might produce the butterflies but that is not love. I found that I was always smothering my husband and this led to his withdrawing from me even further. If you find that you are obssessed with thinking your mate is cheating or you have been told by someone "I need my space" then this book is a must read for you. It also gives valuable information for single people so they can avoid scaring away any prospective mates. I passed on my copy and hope it's still in circulation out there. I can't recommend this book enough!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book changed my life! May 29 2002
By A Customer
Format:Mass Market Paperback
If your love life is plagued by insecurity and jealousy and too much overall emotional drama, please do yourself a favor and read this book. Read it with a hilighter in hand and mark all the parts that really hit home with your particular situation. Then go back and read all the parts you hilighted. If you apply what you learn in doing this, you will be a thousand times happier than you are right now and be able to find the love you have been looking for.
I was addicted to self-help books, but since reading this one, I haven't read another one. Haven't needed to. I can't recommend it highly enough. Good luck!
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Most recent customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Couples Dynamics must
This is that kind of book that you will find yourself quoting and quoting on and on. Outstanding research, great interpretation and lots of bibliography to continue on your own.
Published 17 months ago by Lolo
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Insight!
This book is very informative and provides great insight into the psychology behind insecure love. It also provides techniques to undo the habits that cause people to fall into... Read more
Published on March 2 2012 by 14drea
5.0 out of 5 stars AUTHOR REVIEW
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about the hidden dynamics in personal relationships. The authors did a great job bringing the issues to light. Read more
Published on March 8 2003 by "sanzo1"
5.0 out of 5 stars Totally secure by the time I finished this book!
I was skeptical at first when a good friend told me to read this book. Boy was I worng. This is a true testimonial of why we behave in certain ways in love relationships. Read more
Published on March 29 2002
1.0 out of 5 stars Only if you are a freak!
So I am totally confident, and had a secure relationship. So I thought. Soon enough he was gawking at other women. Read more
Published on Sept. 27 2001
5.0 out of 5 stars trust in your relationship and each other again
Just when I thought I could trust no more and our relationship was over along came a recommendation to read this book. Read more
Published on Jan. 12 2001
5.0 out of 5 stars You Can Do It honey, ditch that zero and get you a hero!
Everyone has a point in their life where they realize they are dependent and they feel insecure about their relationships. Read more
Published on Dec 7 2000 by Tiff
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