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Too Nice for Your Own Good: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes Paperback – Nov 1 2000

14 customer reviews

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing; Reprint edition (Nov. 1 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0446673862
  • ISBN-13: 978-0446673860
  • Product Dimensions: 13.3 x 1.9 x 20.3 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 240 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #43,328 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Inside This Book

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Much of my professional work was public and had performance dimensions to it, including a lot of up-front public speaking. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By William B. LeMosy on Aug. 15 2003
Format: Paperback
I have an admission: I can't process Duke Robinson's book as fast as I would like. That's because it contains vast insight into how we would-be nice folk trip over ourselves. So, I'm reading it slowly and taking time for reflection.
But I'm also trying new behaviors that the author suggests. For example, I've started saying "I'll have to get back to you" when my own reactivity kicks in. A simple suggestion, almost common sense. But it helps preserve important relationships and gives me time to come up with a calm, healing response.
If you feel a need to be perfect, if you lose yourself into other people's problems, if you sputter in the face of ambush, if you have trouble saying what you want, this book is for you. It offers practical, down-to-earth, doable ideas that work.
But be warned: the author will help you envision the climb toward more authentic niceness, and he will provide some handholds. But the work will be up to you. If you're like me, you will find his suggestions difficult to pull off. But the effort will be worthwhile.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By E. Lee on July 11 2002
Format: Paperback
I really only have three words for this awesome, life-healing book: OH. MY. GOD.
I never realized until recently how deeply my so-called niceness was hurting me, absolutely draining me. It's as if I've gone through my entire life (until now) thinking solely of others, in order not to be rejected, abandoned, dis-vaildated. I supress my anger, and do all the other mistakes that are mentioned in the book. Needless to say, my stress levels have been over the top, trying so damn hard not to step on someone else's toes! Well, no more. I am done with apologizing for existing on this earth, and Mr. Robinson is giving me the validation and the confidence I need to move forward in the healthiest of ways! I thank you, sir, from the bottom of my heart. You have facilitated a major change in my life, and I am beyond grateful to you. I highly recomend this book, and I do not believe that 5 stars are quite enough to rate it. Read it, and change your life's approach.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Charles Seymour Jr on Aug. 17 2003
Format: Paperback
Here's what I wrote before when this was in hardback only:
This book opened my eyes to a lot of important insights into how my
"niceness" has undercut my integrity and effectiveness as a person. I'm impressed with
the substance and clarity with which it's written, and especially the fact
that I couldn't find any "psychobabble." I'm also impressed with the balance of
theoretical understanding and practical information. It's been of tremendous
help to me. I cannot recommend it too highly.
I was recently interviewing for a job and was called in for EIGHT interviews.
The stress was on! Duke helped me to see the big picture, to focus on what I
wanted and needed, and not be bogged down with needless baggage that some of
us "nice" people carry with us.
This book has helped me with personal relationships at home and with friends,
has refocused my attention to my communication methods so that I use clear
and succinct wording, and it has helped me see that nice guys can finish first.
Thanks, Duke. The book is great!
And now that it's been in paperback for a while, everyone should own a copy. Get it now before you are manipulated by your own actions.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Ilaxi S. Patel on June 11 2003
Format: Paperback
How oft we create a wave to spell trouble with our own perfections being true and honest with good faith and intentions? We take on too much not saying what we want and that's exactly what the book reveals - the niceness mistakes that 'Damage' us! Unconsciously, we have planted strong messages in the back of our minds and with good intentions by our mentors, follow the moral code of conducts in life. Be good, be nice, be cool, share and care, don't be selfish, be reasonable, don't hurt others, help friends, say yes and so on. In real, trying to reach perfection and taking on too much lead us to exhaustion and sooner or later the ship of our life start sinking. The author gives an insight to the nine unconscious mistakes we often make daily and helps us correct them and pulls a person out of frustration and stress. In not saying what you want and taking on too much, it leads to suppressed anger. Robinson provides healthy tips to express anger to orchestrate a balanced life. Life itself is like riding a bike up and down roads that are bumpy, curvy, hilly while juggling bananas, balloons and bowling balls says Robinson and so this is when you have a fall, life needs balancing back to pedal and steer with too much/too little, too rational/too emotional, to fast/too slow, too cautious/too reckless, too strong/too weak, etc. and remain upright empowering to get what you need and deserve. Irony is, sometimes our niceness betrays us and this book is a key to understanding our mistakes and bring about a 'change' in us. Robinson makes us a nicer person making one realise the mistakes, why we make and how to give up. In doing so, Robinson guides in:
1. Liberating from the bondage of other's expectations
2. Saying no and saving work overloads
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Format: Paperback
This is a wonderful book containing a lot of sound advice. However, there are times when I feel that the `new' approach is still `too nice', i.e., the balance of power in the interaction still tips in favour of the other person. For example, if you are afraid to tell the truth because of a fear of adverse reaction, could you really say, as recommended, `I am afraid to tell you what I really think, you will tell our friends. Maybe I shouldn't worry about that, but I do'? I certainly know of a number of people who would actively seek to win trust in order to deceive and get the upper hand, and by saying this I could be handing power over to a ruthless manipulator. Having said this, the book examines many difficult situations, and it does make us consider many options that we might not have previously realised were available. There is a lot of highly insightful discussion, and the situations discussed will ring bells all the time.

The term `too nice' probably means `afraid of causing trouble', which equates to being unassertive and trying to please everybody. I know that I've been in this bracket of people, and it is a zone that needs escaping. The approach in this book is one of going outside your comfort zone little by little in order to gain confidence; a safe and proven course to take, and a course endorsed by counsellors worldwide, so I thoroughly recommend this book.

But there is a second approach. These problems basically amount to a fear of rejection, which is usually a lack of confidence caused by limited social skill. In addition to extending our comfort zones we can learn all about how people work, and we can develop our own behaviours through learning more about human behaviour in general.
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