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Review
— Abigail Van Buren, “Dear Abby”
“I consider Susan Forward to be among the foremost therapists of our age.”
— John Bradshaw, author of Healing the Shame That Binds You and Homecoming
Bantam Books by Susan Forward:
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them:
When Loving Hurts and You Don’t Know Why
Obsessive Love:
When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go
Toxic Parents:
Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
The ancient Greeks had a problem. Read the first page
Concordance
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt
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Most helpful customer reviews
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
How a book can change your life,
By A Customer
This review is from: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (Paperback)
I am a professional who never realized that the family chaos I endured was not an isolated incident. I thought I was alone, and the only one who suffered at the hands of my parents. After all, there were no physical scars to show for it. This book changed my life, and saved it. It changed my husband, and has influenced my siblings and helped me prevent sending the same damaging messages to my children. I am a true skeptic that any armchair psychologist could know anything about someone they have never seen or examined. This book was like reading about myself! Frightening, but eventually very emancipating. This has never happened to me. If you feel you suffered as a child, read this book!
17 of 19 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars
Proceed with caution,
By Ms Diva "cycworker" (Nanaimo, B.C. Canada) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (Paperback)
I picked this book up from a used book store mostly because, as as someone who does family support work and has worked with abused children, I felt compelled to read it - the book is considered a classic. It hasn't, at least to me, stood the test of time. It may still be worth reading for professionals just on the grounds I stated - because of the book's status as a classic, but I wouldn't reccommend it for people who are still working through abuse issues.First, the strengths of the book. Forward uses alot of vignettes to illustrate her points. This technique is helpful for readers because it demonstrates that, despite what some of her critics have suggested, she doesn't consider every parent who has ever raised his/her voice to a child to be a toxic parent. She does know what real abuse is, and she provides good definitions, including some good checklists, to help determine it. Some of her advice is very practical, such as the need for counselling, and the use of techniques such as role play and letter writing. The book is fast paced and easy to understand. So why such a low grade? Forward is stuck on blaming parents for their mistakes. She wants to label all abusive parents as monsters, and many aren't. At times, Forward seems to have an understanding of family systems theory, but she then fails to utilize it to have some empathy for the conditions that created the abusive parents in the first place. I don't think her level of anger is particularly useful to victims. Anger can only get a person so far; eventually there must be healing. I also disagree, based on solid research, with her stance against forgiveness. Eventually, if victims don't forgive, they will remain under the control of the abuse/abuser. I don't think Forward really understands what forgiveness is - it has nothing to do with letting the abuser off the hook, or saying what they did was ok. To a lesser extent, I also disagree with Forward's assertion that confrontation is necessary in all cases. I think in some cases, just admitting to oneself what happened and acknowledging that you are not to blame is not only enough, it is the smartest, most productive course of action. I realize that the majority of my criticisms of the book are based on my particular theoretical orientation as someone who works with children/families. Normally, I wouldn't necessarily take marks off in a rating based on that. The reason I've done so is because I think this book is marked toward people who are coming to grips with childhood abuse, and, depending upon where a person is in their process, I believe that Forward's approach could actually do damage. This is a book that, if it is to be read at all, should be read by therapists, counsellors, family support workers, child and youth care workers, and social workers should read, take what they consider to be of value, and use that information to help adults.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Redundancy,
By A Customer
This review is from: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (Paperback)
When I saw the title of this book, my first reaction was "Gee, that's redundant." For me, "toxic" and "parents" just seemed to go together, and I'm in my forties now so you know I'm not talking about adolescent angst and power struggles. While there are many who obviously did have good parents, it's sad that the "norm" seems to be those who are toxic. This is a very useful book for anyone needing to heal. If you're interested in another great book along this line, try Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life," or if you're interested in fiction, try McCrae's "The Bark of the Dogwood"--one person's journey out of the darkness and into the light. But first buy this book.
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