Troll 1/2

 

 

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Something indefinable has moved me to write this review. I don't understand and can't explain what this movie has done and is still doing to me. Words cannot convey this sense of foreboding I feel in the pit of my stomach. I guess I should give you some background as to what I'm rambling about. I purchased Troll/Troll 2 for the sole purpose of owning Troll 1. I had no idea what Troll 2 was or what it would eventually do to me. You see, I had seen Troll 1 when I was around 5-7 years old and had relatively fond memories of it, so when I saw the DVD for sale I snatched it up. The strangest sensation overtook me then. A cross between nervousness and uneasy trepidation, which for those that don't know, feels like knots and razors in your stomach while your skin breaks into a cold sweat. The feeling soon passed and I quickly forgot about it. Later that day I watched Troll 1 expecting to relive a bit of my childhood. Well, the saying "you can never go home" held true for me. I found Troll 1 to be an unforgettably, forgettable movie if that makes any sense, completely disposable and not worth mentioning beyond this point. I watched Troll 2 the next day. My expectations were low, but I figured I might as well give the second movie a chance. My life would be infinitely better had I washed my hands of the whole affair and turned my attention towards other pursuits, or maybe not. Who's to say? Where would the world be if there had been no Bubonic Plague or if the members of the Beatles had never formed a band? My soul cries out for a "what could have been" but without the Bubonic plague mightn't the world be burdened by overpopulation and pollution? Would we have been able produce someone whose intellect would dwarf Einstein's? If the Beatles had never formed would some other band have been able to garner the recognition they deserved in the void left by the Beatles or would they create what in hindsight would be considered puerile drivel? These are pointless questions that can never be answered. Time to get down to brass tacks. I cannot stop watching Troll 2. I have alienated friends and family members. I have become an outcast in my neighborhood and have been shunned by co-workers. What is worse, as each day passes I find it harder to disassociate myself from this film. My waking thoughts are centered around it. My being has become enmeshed with its life force, and make no mistake it is alive. It grows stronger with each viewing. There is no turning back. I have gotten to the point where I feel little remorse showing this film to others, addicting them, changing them, tailoring them, so that they may spread the Gospel that is Troll 2. I'm slowly coming to the realization that this is not just weird gibberish that I'm spouting off, it's not cathartic, and it does not ease my burden or put the last shreds of my guilty conscience to rest. Yes...yes. I have become drunk off the wine of revelation and I understand now, I finally see. I do not fear the outcome. I feel the re-assuring hand on my shoulder. Please watch Troll 2, you will be surprised at what gifts it has to offer you.

Troll II is the landmark of American Cinema. By far the worst (and this is intentional, I believe) acting I have ever witnessed.

Troll: an ok movie
Troll 2: the funniest movie i have ever seen!
it doesnt even have trolls, it has goblins! which are really just men wearing masks with holes in them for eyeholes! there is only 1 guy doing the whole movie, just using a different name so no one will really know it's him! this movie is a MUST SEE! bad costumes for goblins, stupid green liquid crap running down a kid's head,retards trying to act,a kid taking a whiz on green food,a branch coming out of a kid's hand, a retarded grandpa, a dirty man giving a kid green ice cream, a kid with the gayest skateboard i've ever seen, a horrible ending, the worst sound effects ever, a movie having nothing to do with the 1st, and lots more stuff that you can spot yourself! i only have a couple more words to say, funny, and buy it!

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1.0 out of 5 stars Couldn't even get through it all...
This movie was ridiculous and painful for me to sit through. I ended up turning it off at the 1hr mark... It's like a kid's movie. A low-end Jim Henson wannabe production... Read more

Published on April 11 2009 by Summer_Nights

5.0 out of 5 stars Trolls 2 Has Inspired My Life
Every few months or so, I host a "Bad Movie Night" at my house, and invite about 20 of my best friends to share in a night of torrid laughter and fun. Read more

Published on Jun 27 2004 by Music Lover

4.0 out of 5 stars Cult Horror
Unless you saw this movie as a small and fragile minded child, you probably wont like it at all. I won't describe the effect this movie has had on me, but I will say that Troll 2... Read more

Published on Jun 10 2004 by Peter Lekousi

3.0 out of 5 stars Need a good laugh?
2 Movies for the price of one! Not! Dont' be fooled, you're paying for one movie because the so called "sequel" is a pile of dung. But back to Troll... Read more

Published on Jun 8 2004 by John M Spangler

5.0 out of 5 stars Do you want some joshua?
I bought this particular DVD for TROLL 2, and you should too...as soon as possible. It's so bad...yet so amazingly great. Read more

Published on Jun 1 2004 by Richard M. Vodicka

5.0 out of 5 stars Troll 2 is the worst movie ever!!! you must buy it!!!
I see people here writing reviews about how much they hate Troll2(although most reviewers here seem to get it)and all I can think is do these people actually think Troll 1 is... Read more

Published on May 17 2004 by John

5.0 out of 5 stars Would you like some, Joshua?
Something indefinable has moved me to write this review. I don't understand and can't explain what this movie has done and is still doing to me. Read more

Published on April 30 2004 by Richard G. Gonzalez

3.0 out of 5 stars Troll, A Great Film.....But.........
Troll is an awsome film and I loved it, that's why I purchesed this dvd. But......the thing I didn't like is
1. The lack of special features
2. Read more

Published on Mar 19 2004 by dylan

5.0 out of 5 stars You'd be stupid NOT to buy this!!!
John Carl Buechler's Troll 2 may be one of the finest movies of the early 90's. Ah who are we kidding, it's one of the finest movies EVER! Read more

Published on Mar 3 2004

1.0 out of 5 stars Easily the worst movie ever made.
How can I start? I have completely lost all hope in humanity. The fact that there are actually enough people who would willingly pay hard-earned money to watch this affront to the... Read more

Published on Mar 2 2004

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