Two Is Enough: A Couple's Guide to Living Childless By Choice [Paperback]

This book stemmed out of author Laura Scott's Childless by Choice Project, a research project comprised of several different components. In the Introduction, Scott, herself a woman who choose to marry and yet remain childless (or childfree--she uses these two terms interchangeably) by choice, notes that she wondered whether she was alone in her decision, and if not, how others arrived at the same choice that she made. She further explains that she had two main goals when starting her research project: 1) to determine what people identified as their most compelling motives for remaining childfree, and 2) to better understand the decision-making process which led to someone identifying themselves as childless by choice. Based on these goals, Scott designed a questionnaire which would yield the data she sought; she then recruited a total of 171 childless by choice individuals to respond to her survey. Finally, Scott supplemented her survey results with an additional series of 28 in-depth interviews she conducted with various childfree couples.

The chapters which follow present the main findings of Scott's research. There is information on "Who Are the Childless by Choice?," the decision-making process that occurs along the path to becoming childless, and the a list of the resulting "Eighteen Reasons (and More) Why We Don't Have Kids." The latter chapter may surprise some who believe that childfree individuals are "selfish" or "must hate kids"--comments that participants in Scott's interviews had been subjected to in the face of their decisions to remain childless. As it turns out, however, the highest-rated motive statement in Scott's research was "I love our life, our relationship, as it is, and having a child won't enhance it." Rounding out the top three motives were "I value freedom and independence" and "I do not want to take on the responsibility of raising a child." In general, Scott found that the couples she interviewed did NOT take their decision not to have children lightly; in fact, through her research, Scott discovered that childfree couples often spend more time talking about their decision not to have children than those who actually HAVE children.

The more I continued to read this book, the more I could relate: yes, I myself am childfree by choice. I particularly appreciated the final three chapters. Chapter 6 addresses "The Myths and Realities of Living Childfree." As Scott points out, the #1 assumption regarding those who are childfree is that they dislike children. This is definitely not the case for me (I absolutely adore my 10 nieces and nephews!), but going back to the motives noted above, just because I like kids does not mean that I want the constant responsibility of raising one of my own. In Chapter 7, Scott talks about what it is like for the childless by choice to have to live in a "pronatist" world. I'm sure that those who DO have kids never give this a second thought, but American society is definitely extremely biased towards families and children. There is general a lack of understanding for anyone who chooses not to conform to this standard by not having kids of their own, which can result in prejudices, stigmas, and even preferential behavior in both social settings and the workplace. I believe this can be a particular challenge for women of child-bearing age--for example, at family gatherings, I often find myself hanging out with the men, as the women's talk/behavior tends to center around children. Scott's final chapter, "A Place at the Table," offers a view of how those with children and the childfree might co-exist--that is, in a world where the latter is truly seen as a valid, acceptable choice.

In summary, I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has made the decision to live their life childless or childfree by choice. Those in this group are likely to find the results of Scott's research to be extremely validating and to gain a great sense of acceptance for their choice thanks to Scott's efforts. Unfortunately, I am less certain that anyone who DOES have/want children would be able to understand or even to appreciate this book. But that's okay--us childfree folks are not out to convert anyone; we just want all the parents out there to stop trying to convert US. ;)

I may be the oddest reviewer of this book as I do have a child and it was by choice . . . but.

For quite some time I wasn't sure I wanted to have children and then when I decided I did want children wasn't sure that it would be possible. So we made the decision to stop trying and to be child free, simply to be super aunt and uncle to our siblings children.

We ran into so many of the prejudices and odd looks from people who always said the same thing "but you'd be such great parents!" And that is when I began reading the literature around a child free by choice life.

This book is the work of Laura Scott and her Child Free by Choice Project. The interviews included in the book are powerful, insightful and clearly demonstrate the process most people go through making this choice. I really think after reading this book that many more people would likely make the decision to be child free if they knew they weren't alone in how they feel.

The book does an exceptional job of outlining the reasons and rationale many childless by choice couples used to come to their decision. It was comforting to read and find that the thoughts I had were very similar to many other people. This work removes so many of the stigmas around not having children for those who choose not to.

For me, the choice to have children was the best one ultimately and when my daughter came along, I couldn't be happier. But this book did a wonderful job of helping me better relate with the feelings I had when I was choosing not to take heroic efforts to have children or to adopt and it has really given me great insights into the feelings and beliefs of those I know who have remained childless by choice. I know I'll be able to relate better and be a more engaged friend from reading this book.

I am childfree by choice and love it. I do not refer to it as "child-less" because less makes it sound like I am missing something, and believe me I am most certainly not missing anything. This is an excellent book, that is only a small step in the direction of shutting up society about the stereotypes of why individuals get married. A large percent of society needs to read this book, and reprogram their way of thinking. I get asked countless times "when are you having kids" or the "oh, keep trying it will happen, or why not adopt". How absurd. I married, like many other childfree persons, married because I love my spouse. I love spending time together, we have a passion for the same hobbies, the same interests, and share the same beliefs. Extended families, jobs, and pets complete our lives.
This is an excellent written book, and covers the topic incredibly.

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