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Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships Paperback – Sep 5 1990


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Vintage; Vintage Books ed edition (Sept. 5 1990)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0679730028
  • ISBN-13: 978-0679730026
  • Product Dimensions: 20.5 x 13.2 x 1.5 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 227 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #97,957 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)


Inside This Book (Learn More)
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WE ALL are secret-keepers in our intimate relationships. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index
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Customer Reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
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By Laura Heale on Nov. 26 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
A very real account the signs of a dying relationship. It forces one to look at oneself, even when you weren't the one to end the marriage.
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Format: Paperback
What can one say about breakups? When you go through the first one, you think you've literally invented this level of pain, that no one else understands what you've been through, that this is a whole new (and extremely horrible) world you've managed to spiral into. Well, guess what, it's not.
I started reading this book going through my first real breakup, and it was almost uncanny how well it demonstrated each of the steps I had gone through, and what I had done to get there, and where I was heading. Indeed, there is something almost pre-programmed about the way we deal with these things, and Vaughn's book proves this quite beautifully.
When I first started burning through these self-help books, I was after something a bit more solid and based on real research. "Uncoupling" definitely fit the bill, and if you are more technically-minded, then this is the book for you.
Sadly, as one other reviewer pointed out, you never get to this book in time. If you're interested in reading it, you're probably on the verge of ending something, or have been the victim of such an end. But if misery loves company, at least you know you're on the -very- trodden path.
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By A Customer on June 18 2004
Format: Paperback
First, although you will probably find this book in the "Self help -- Relationships" section, it is important to be aware that it is not a self help book. It is a sociological study of how relationships break down. It is quite academic but extremely readable. More importantly, it is quite brilliant. Diane Vaughan is so insightful that you will wish she was less so. That's because, whether you are "the initiator" or "the partner" -- the book's idealized protagonists -- you will find out some very uncomfortable things about yourself. For instance, suppose you're the initiator and you've pumped yourself all up to leave with some standard self-help fare about "responsibility to yourself" and "personal development" and all that stuff. This book will rip the carpet right out from under your feet, as you realize that your carefully crafted justifications are just that -- justifications. The initiator wants out of the relationship, and constructs an ideology which will facilitate this. This book is a masterpiece, and so it has flaws. The most obvious is a relentless pessimism which has been commented on by several other reviewers. This is clearly an artifact of the methodology: the author conducted interviews with people whose relationships had ended, thus we don't get even a glimpse of people whose relationships somehow escaped the seemingly inexorable patterns described. Do such relationships exist? I hope so. I don't know whether or not Vaughan comments on this limitation, because not being a sociologist, I skipped the methodology chapter. Although this is not a self help book, I feel that it did benefit me in understanding my own troubled relationship. Trust me, when you see "the initiator" and "the partner", you are going to work to make yourself less like them! I highly recommend this book to anyone who is curious and wants to understand their situation better. But, if you want self-validation, keep well clear!
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By A Customer on June 16 2004
Format: Paperback
Uncoupling is NOT self-help, popular press mush. It doesn't tell the reader what to do, doesn't contain quizzes and exercises, and it doesn't imply that people are pathological if their relationships don't work out. Instead, it is an extremely readable sociological study of what can happen as a relationship disintegrates, and why so many relationships do disintegrate. This book offers a very plausible explanation for what I have experienced over the last year as my own relationship disintegrated, leaving me feeling bewildered, sad, without a clue what to do or what to expect. I think it would have been so helpful for me if I had found it sooner, and I might have made better choices and suffered less. I am writing a review to encourage others to read it. I wish I could personally thank Diane Vaughan for this wonderful book.
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By A Customer on May 5 2003
Format: Paperback
Eccellent Book! It is not a self-help book and NOT pessimistic at all!
It showed me clearly the process I went through when I finally left my husband!
Contrary to the negative reviews this book received from some readers who I believe missed the point. The book portrays the dynamics that unfold when a relationship disintegrates!
I recommend it to those people who want to know what goes on within people who decide to terminate a relationship and understand them.
Great book for those people who want a sociological point of view! MOSTLY RECOMMENDED!
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Format: Paperback
I have read this book several times since it was first published in the early 90's and found it to be very informative and helpful in understanding what was going on during my process of uncoupling (divorcing)at that time. Ms. Vaughan has done an excellent job of presenting her material in a very readable and interesting fashion. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I highly recommend this book for human service professionals and the layman alike.
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Format: Paperback
I have read this book several times since it was first published in the early 90's and found it to be very informative and helpful in understanding what was going on during my process of uncoupling (divorcing)at that time. Ms. Vaughan has done an excellent job of presenting her material in a very readable and interesting fashion. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I highly recommend this book for human service professionals and the layman alike.
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