Unmentionable [Unabridged] [Audio Cassette]

"Unmentionable!" is the sixth collection of quirky short stories for kids by Australian author Paul Jennings, originally published in 1991. It's technically the eighth collection of his stories, if you count "The Naked Ghost, Burp & Blue Jam" (a collection of his early work) and his novelization of his television series "Round the Twist", which presented selected episodes as short stories. Ah well...

He might not be that well known in America, but if you were an Australian kid in the late 1980s and early 1990s, Paul Jennings was something of a superstar. He did for reading in Australia in the 1990s what J.K Rowling did for reading this decade with her "Harry Potter" series. Even kids who usually hated books could get into Paul Jennings. His writing style, though not the most polished in the world, was just the way Australian kids think and feel, and is full of things kids can relate to: (school, bullies, getting in trouble, etc), plus he had a wacky imagination, was full of ideas and had a sort of slapstick, sometimes gross out, sense of humour that you could really visualise. I know when I was in third grade, when I first started reading Paul Jennings, he very quickly became a hero of mine, one of my first. When we had private writing time in class, I wanted to be Paul Jennings. He was a Melbourne guy, which I really admired. He described places and suburbs I could actually go to and visit, he had taught at schools just up the road from mine.

I got this particular book, "Unmentionable", with it's 9 short stories on my 9th birthday. It's the last one in what I'd call, as a fan, Jennings golden age. He released it after his television series "Round The Twist" had taken off, and four of the stories here ("Ice Maiden", "Birdman", "Little Squirt" and "Sloppy Jalopy") were adapted into episodes of the second series. It is a collection has a couple of his most famous stories, and the lesser known tales are just as good as the known ones. Here's a rundown:

"Ice Maiden" tells us a tale of a boy who falls in love with an ice sculpture of a young woman in a butcher's shop window. When it gets thrown out, he tries to rescue it, a plan that results in chaos and embarrassment for the poor boy.

"Birdman" is probably my favorite in this book. It's all about a birdman contest, where kids make wings and other flying contraptions, then jump off the pier and see how far they can fly with them. Sean doesn't have much of a chance, that is until he discovers a hat made out of a cat washed up on the beach. It's something of a copy cat, when it sees someone doing something, the wearer of the hat repeats the actions the cat-hat sees perfectly. Perhaps Sean could win the contest with it. Perhaps it will all go horribly wrong.

"Little Squirt" takes place in a urinal of a school toilet block. That's all I'll say about that one...

"The Mouth Organ" is a classic Jennings story. A busker girl receives an enchanted mouth organ from a mysterious ponytailed man. There's some beautiful descriptions of music here, something you wouldn't normally expect to find in a kids book. Jennings must be really passionate about music, whatever he listens to.

"The Velvet Throne" is another top story. An all too mild mannered man gets locked in a public toilet block for the night. He soon discovers that anything written on the walls of this particular block comes to pass. He also discovers that there is some pretty crazy stuff written on the walls already...

"Cry Baby" begins with a boy photocopying his bottom on the school's photocopier, and ends up in the arid Australian desert. How does the story end up there? You'll have to read to find out. Great quote: [regarding the photocopy] "I'd called it 'elephant ears', because that's what it looked like"

"Ex Poser" is a curious tale. A brainy kid at school has invented a lie detector, and his friend tries it out on the pretty, rich girl named Sandra. He's determined to prove she is a snob and determined to expose the secrets she presumably hides, but ends up proving something else entirely. You can feel the unrequited young love that comes from all angles so strongly in this story.

"Sloppy Jalopy" is another real classic, with a little bit of an enviromental message thrown in. A boy, while sitting in his dad's Jalopy, gets blasted with toxic waste from the truck in front of him, which had a loose valve. After this putrid bath, the boy is horrified to find that all rubbish is attracted to him like a magnet!

"Eyes Knows" is a story I'd forgotten about for years, but it's actually a really good one. After a couple decides to get divorced, their son is forced to choose which one he is going to live with. He has a lot of trouble with this decision, and pretty soon he's having trouble with every decision, even the small decisions like what socks to wear. Maybe his toy robot can help. It's eyes light up red and green at random when you push a button. Red for no, green for yes, that's a good way to make tough decisions, the boy decides. The boy tries it and finds that life becomes a lot easier for him. At first, that is...

For those who have never read Paul Jennings before, be they young or old, "Unmentionable" is a fairly good place to start. Though I like the books he wrote after this one ("Undone", "Uncovered", etc), they're not quite as good, I don't think.

Highly recommended to kids, and for those looking for something quirky to read.

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