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From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. As baby boomer parents age, they're discovering the empty-nest syndrome is nothing compared to what happens when their kids graduate from college and start leading lives of their own. To a generation famous for being involved in every aspect of their children's lives, it can be upsetting to find that those children no longer need or welcome your advice. How does one parent children who no longer need parenting? Publishing veteran Isay, an editor and mother of two grown sons, interviews scores of parents and adult children of all ages to see how they are doing it. The stories are heartwarming, and Isay recounts them with intelligence and compassion. What does she find? Nothing Ann Landers hasn't already told us. Mainly: don't give advice; make friends with your children's significant others; and remember that love heals. The most compelling story is Isay's own. One wishes it were the centerpiece of the book rather than tacked on as an epilogue. Her experience is an example of her most interesting discovery: children are quick to forgive and often the ones who take the initiative in forging a new brand of closeness between themselves and their parents—a closeness that is best described as adult. (Mar. 27)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Review
"Jane Isay gives us a hope chest of hard-earned wisdom and aha moments, and a mirror in which we can safely examine ourselves and our families." —Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls
“From her own loving heart and from richly revealing interviews with parents and adult children, Jane Isay has fashioned a wonderfully wise and constructive intergenerational guide. Read it and learn!”
—Judith Viorst, author of I'm Too Young to Be Seventy and Other Delusions
“A gently told, achingly honest book about the search for love and acceptance that aging parents and their adult children bring to each other and the tragic misunderstandings that get in their way and break their hearts.”
—Judith S. Wallerstein, Ph.D., author of What About the Kids? Raising Children Before, During, and After Divorce
“Jane Isay's warm, intelligent, reassuring voice shines through her illuminating stories about the delicate, lifelong bond between parents and their grown children. Anyone who has ever been in a parent-child kafuffle about rules, traditions, money, control, or anything else will find wisdom and encouragement in this lovely book. ”
—Carol Tavris, Ph.D., coauthor of Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)
"The brilliance of Walking on Eggshells lies in Isay's uncanny ability to keep our love and good intentions in focus so that we all— parents and adult children—can untangle the unhealthy knots in our relationships before they cause harm."
—Ira Byock, M.D., author of Dying Well
“With Isay's sage advice, we can make life with our adult children calmer, closer and more enjoyable. This is a great read for every parent who has ever, in discussing their adult children, used the phrase 'walking on eggshells.' ”
—Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia
“From her own loving heart and from richly revealing interviews with parents and adult children, Jane Isay has fashioned a wonderfully wise and constructive intergenerational guide. Read it and learn!”
—Judith Viorst, author of I'm Too Young to Be Seventy and Other Delusions
“A gently told, achingly honest book about the search for love and acceptance that aging parents and their adult children bring to each other and the tragic misunderstandings that get in their way and break their hearts.”
—Judith S. Wallerstein, Ph.D., author of What About the Kids? Raising Children Before, During, and After Divorce
“Jane Isay's warm, intelligent, reassuring voice shines through her illuminating stories about the delicate, lifelong bond between parents and their grown children. Anyone who has ever been in a parent-child kafuffle about rules, traditions, money, control, or anything else will find wisdom and encouragement in this lovely book. ”
—Carol Tavris, Ph.D., coauthor of Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)
"The brilliance of Walking on Eggshells lies in Isay's uncanny ability to keep our love and good intentions in focus so that we all— parents and adult children—can untangle the unhealthy knots in our relationships before they cause harm."
—Ira Byock, M.D., author of Dying Well
“With Isay's sage advice, we can make life with our adult children calmer, closer and more enjoyable. This is a great read for every parent who has ever, in discussing their adult children, used the phrase 'walking on eggshells.' ”
—Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
4.1 out of 5 stars (42 customer reviews)
29 of 30 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars
Disappointing, Sep 9 2007
By Lois Fender - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents (Hardcover)
This book makes some good points but didn't go deep enough to help me. I found "When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along" to be far more helpful because the author, Dr. Joshua Coleman, provides much more guidance for a range of situations and goes into much more depth for this very difficult problem.
44 of 48 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars
Stepford Parents, April 11 2007
By Ruth Teal - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents (Hardcover)
This book is reassuring of how common are the conflicts between parents and their adult children, and provides sensible explanations of the feelings of adult children. Ms. Isay also empathizes with the parents' legitimate feelings of hurt. But the solution suggested by this author is basically for a parent to bite their tongue, control their facial and body language, and pretend, lest their adult child be offended. This advice does not consider the tension and underlying rage that can build up in a parent that is also contending with all the issues of advancing age, to say nothing of the phoniness of the resulting "relationship". The subtitle of this book should be "Stepford Parents". I found it depressing and disappointing.
77 of 88 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars
Terribly disappointing, April 26 2007
By Tough Cookie - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents (Hardcover)
This book has multiple variations on a one-note theme that's summed up in the flap copy: Don't try to give advice to your adult children. Instead, the author advises, if you're endlessly accepting and generous, those children might (or might not) give you the time of day. As one of the earth mothers she interviews puts it, "Keep your door open and your mouth shut."Good advice? Maybe. But the evidence is all anecdotal, based on a pretty thin sampling of mothers and kids; and Isay never digs deep enough to explore what the resulting relationships are really like. In the final chapter, she reveals her own guilt about certain aspects of her relationship with her sons, and I couldn't help wondering whether that guilt was predisposing her to side with the kids in every conflict. Yes, parents need to recognize the autonomy of their grown children, but is the ultimate goal only to keep the peace at all costs? It seems shallow and empty and sad to me.
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