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Wanting Another Child: Coping with Secondary Fertility [Paperback]

Harriet Fishman Simons
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)

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Book Description

Sept. 18 1998 Garland Reference Library of Social Science (Book 876)
A welcome support for couples and an informative resource for practitioners

A full and rich book that explores the special challenges of people facing infertility as parents. The personal stories are emotionally evocative and well balanced with explanations and strategies. A helpful book for parents facing infertility and the people who help them
-- Peg Beck, former executive director, RESOLVE of the Bay State

The author explores the emotional costs of secondary infertility on parents as well as on the child or children the couple already has and provides strategies for coping with and eventually resolving secondary infertility by sharing a variety of personal experiences.


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From Amazon

Secondary infertility is often a "hidden" issue, and couples suffering from the inability to have another wanted child often feel caught in the netherworld between the childless infertile and parents of larger families. Harriet Fishman Simons, a clinician specializing in fertility issues and a support group leader for RESOLVE, an advocacy group for infertile individuals, has been involved in infertility issues for over 20 years. In her book Wanting Another Child: Coping with Secondary Infertility, Simons discusses the plight of the secondarily infertile--the awkwardness of being among infertile couples without children, the pain of watching other families conceive again. The book takes a broad-based look at an issue that is becoming more common as more couples rely on fertility treatments to form their families. Simons weaves personal stories with theory and sociological data. She includes chapters on social and emotional issues (the effects of secondary infertility on the couple as well as friends, family, and coworkers), parenting during secondary infertility issues (helping children cope with their parent's secondary infertility), and possible resolutions to and strategies for coping with secondary infertility. Simons's style may be academic, but the information and message is not, and this book is a welcome addition to a new subfield of study. --Ericka Lutz

From Booklist

"Infertility among parents feels different from infertility among the childless," states Simons, who further explains that "secondary infertility [the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after the birth of one or more children] is even more common statistically than primary infertility." The emotional impact of this plight upon both parents and children is examined in this helpful guide. Medical causes and treatments are discussed along with the existence of support groups such as RESOLVE and Parents of Only Children. Simons' concise and compassionate prose is certain to help educate and direct troubled parents. Denise Perry Donavin --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Customer Reviews

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Most helpful customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Recommend - it REALLY helped me!!! July 3 2003
Format:Hardcover
Where was this book when I REALLY needed it!!! They need to reprint this because there are so many people who could benifit from this book. I have dealt with my secondary infertility for 8 years from childbirth complications. I have never really felt like I "fit in" with the infertile childless and the people who could have more kids. I recommend this book with 5 stars+++. It may bring on some tears but that is part of the process of coming to terms and the grieving process. You will read about how other ladies have dealt with other peoples pregancies, caught between two worlds of the fertile and infertile, how families do not really give the support you hoped for and knowing they still love you, the second child you had in your mind and heart will never be and you have to mourn for that child, validating your idea of what is a family, adoption as an option, and accepting an only child family. It really helped me out a lot to realise I am not alone and validate my feelings that I have had the past 8 years. If you are a good friend or family member dealing with secondary infertility get this and read it then pass it on to your friend. She/he will feel so good that you cared enough to give it.It was written by a RESOLVE counselor. It is an EXCELLENT book for husbands to read because they see this differently in a lot of ways and this book will help them see the wives point of view. I highly recommend it. Please reprint it!!
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.5 out of 5 stars  8 reviews
35 of 36 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Helpful But Incomplete Jan. 9 2000
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover
Harriet Fishman Simons's description of how it feels to have a child but be unable to have another exactly mirrored how I have felt, and I think the book was very perceptive in describing the unique sorrow that faces parents who want so much but cant have another child. Her description of the differences between how women and men deal with this problem is particularly good and corresponds to how I have felt and how other women I know have felt. I cried reading this book but found it cathartic. However, my one complaint about this book is the relative neglect is gives to the issue of secondary infertility stemming from multiple miscarriages rather than the failure to conceive. I have searched for books that deal with this issue--and I think this is not uncommon for women suffering from secondary infertility. The issue of whether to keep trying, the fact that in most cases the doctors cant give you any reason for the failure, the toll that miscarriage places on your marriage and on raising your child, arent really dealt with except for passing references.
15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful book for an overlooked and ignored problem. July 28 1999
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover
I felt like Harriet Fishman Simons must have been eavesdropping on me because she was able to define my thoughts, feelings, worries and insecurities so accurately! This book has been my lifeline in an otherwise very lonely situation. Most other books deal with the problem of infertility and usually only focus on the patients where treatment is eventually successful. I needed help with when treatment fails and dealing with that. I was going to pass this along to a friend dealing with her own infertility but decided that I can't give this book up just yet. She'll have to get her own copy! I even went through and highlighted passages that I felt were particularly true or comforting to me in my situation. This is one book that I will recommend heartily to anyone dealing with secondary infertility.
13 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Excellent Read for Those Coping, or if You Know Someone Aug. 5 2001
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover
I had no expectations when I opened this book, having read a number of books on infertility. What a pleasant surprise to discover that Ms. Fishman Simons knows the subject of secondary infertility so well and provides in her book just what couples experiencing this very much ignored problem need for guidance. While reading it was emotionally difficult at times, I found many perspectives that matched what I had felt and some insightful comments on how to get past secondary infertility. I highly recommend this book to anyone coping with secondary infertility, certainly as a beginning to "recovery," and to family and friends of the secondary infertile couple.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Recommend - it REALLY helped me!!! July 3 2003
By R. Victoria - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover
Where was this book when I REALLY needed it!!! They need to reprint this because there are so many people who could benifit from this book. I have dealt with my secondary infertility for 8 years from childbirth complications. I have never really felt like I "fit in" with the infertile childless and the people who could have more kids. I recommend this book with 5 stars+++. It may bring on some tears but that is part of the process of coming to terms and the grieving process. You will read about how other ladies have dealt with other peoples pregancies, caught between two worlds of the fertile and infertile, how families do not really give the support you hoped for and knowing they still love you, the second child you had in your mind and heart will never be and you have to mourn for that child, validating your idea of what is a family, adoption as an option, and accepting an only child family. It really helped me out a lot to realise I am not alone and validate my feelings that I have had the past 8 years. If you are a good friend or family member dealing with secondary infertility get this and read it then pass it on to your friend. She/he will feel so good that you cared enough to give it.It was written by a RESOLVE counselor. It is an EXCELLENT book for husbands to read because they see this differently in a lot of ways and this book will help them see the wives point of view. I highly recommend it. Please reprint it!!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Excellent Read for Those Coping, or if You Know Someone Aug. 5 2001
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover
I had no expectations when I opened this book, having read a number of books on infertility. What a pleasant surprise to discover that Ms. Fishman Simons knows the subject of secondary infertility so well and provides in her book just what couples experiencing this very much ignored problem need for guidance. While reading it was emotionally difficult at times, I found many perspectives that matched what I had felt and some insightful comments on how to get past secondary infertility. I highly recommend this book to anyone coping with secondary infertility, certainly as a beginning to "recovery," and to family and friends of the secondary infertile couple.
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