- Paperback: 238 pages
- Publisher: Basic Books; First Trade Paper Edition edition (April 2 1999)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0465091148
- ISBN-13: 978-0465091140
- Product Dimensions: 23 x 15.1 x 2.1 cm
- Shipping Weight: 408 g
- Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #543,773 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- See Complete Table of Contents
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Product Details |
Product Description
From Amazon
Most popular books about relationships stress gender differences: We're from different planets, we don't understand each other, our words have different meanings, and so forth. This book asserts that we can understand our differences and get past them, replacing isolation with connection in a healthy, growth-fostering relationship. The authors call this "getting to 'we.'"
Shem and Surrey have worked with more than 20,000 men, women, boys, and girls. We hear workshop participants using "gender dialogue": asking questions to aid in understanding and reconnecting, such as "Name three strengths the other gender group brings to relationships," "What do you most want to understand about the other gender group?", and "What do you most want the other gender group to understand about you?"
"Disconnections between men and women are inevitable--no one ever gets it right the first time, or all the time," say the authors. "It's not only what you do that matters, it's what you do next." This book gives insights into our differences--such as men's "relational dread" and women's "relational yearning," and how to move past conflict to collaboration. The chapter "How Couples Grow" is invaluable, describing a detailed process to work through impasses and rediscover the "we" in your relationship. --Joan Price --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From Library Journal
Shem and Surrey, a psychiatrist and clinical psychologist, work together to open up dialogs between the sexes. For more than 12 years they have used the same three questions to probe differences at all ages?from preschool kids to seventysomething couples: 1) Name three strengths that the opposite gender brings to a relationship; 2) What do you most want to understand about the opposite gender? and 3) What do you most want the opposite gender to understand about your gender? The results are perhaps not surprising. Women want men to talk more. Men only fake being macho. Men want sex. And so on. The authors emphasize that while these differences can be vast, men and women can and should learn from each other. Although that is not necessarily a bad lesson, this book doesn't make it an easy one to take, with its stilted dialog and psychological cliches. Still, because this book addresses the same sort of issues as John "Men Are from Mars" Gray (though with a different focus), public libraries may want to purchase.?Pamela A. Matthews, Gettysburg Coll. Lib., PA
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Most helpful customer reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars
Another Pearl,
By "ctmp" (Millville, NJ USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: We Have to Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Women and Men (Paperback)
"We Have to Talk" is a good read, almost too good, and I was left wondering how much was fiction and how much was non-fiction. Is Samuel Shem deliberately teasing us in using identical passages in his work of fiction "Mount Misery" and his later release ( with Janet Surrey) "We Have to Talk"? "We Have to Talk" (pg. 83) Kate: Where shall we go to dinner? "Mount Misery" (pg. 175-176) . . . "Let's go out to dinner." Also compare pages 201-202 of "Mount Misery" with page 44 of "We Have to Talk". The point to be made is not that Shem, the master of extreme hyperbole, is a sham, but that, while his fiction is eerily like real life, his non-fiction smacks of anecdote and fantasy. Even if Tom and Ann are real, a couple detailed in "We Have To Talk" who but the most affluent with limitless recourses, could afford the luxuries they take for granted, in and out of therapy. What about a boot-strapping theory for the rest of us? Also, why the pervasive Freud bashing in both books? I am certainly not a Freud fan, but why is "holding the We" any less contrived then "the shadow of the object falls across the ego"? Doesn't Shem do exactly as Freud, concocting fanciful theories to fit his anecdotal experiences from a small cross section of the American population in order to serve his own notoriety? I still recommend "We Have to Talk" but ask the reader to sift through the self help dross for the occasional enlightening pearls.
3.0 out of 5 stars
Some useful tips, but not a book for everybody,
This review is from: We Have to Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Women and Men (Paperback)
This book is oriented to people from the USA society. Some ideas discussed in the book might not work for people with other cultural backgrounds, like Asian or Latin American. However, even if you are not from the USA, you could get some good tips, but don't think the whole book will be useful.
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wish I had read it 10 years ago!,
By A Customer
This review is from: We Have to Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Women and Men (Paperback)
This is a great book - the kind of book that you wish you had read 10 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of pain and grief in my relationships. I'm a 35 year old male - and I could recognize both the male responses in the book - and the reaction of the women. I recommend it to all my male friends - this is the book all men should read if they want to make their relationships with women work - and if they really want to learn what it means to truly connect, not just with women, but with each other as well. A truly insighful - and inspirational - book.
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