Weird Tales of the Ramones [Best of, NTSC, Box set, Original recording remastered]

If you don't know a lot about the Ramones, some of the other reviewers provide a very accurate account. But if you are already a Ramones fan - then you know the history, the impact, the sound, the look, the realism - and I know you are going to keep your original LP's, but this package will keep you entertained for, well, as long as the materials hold up. 85 songs! The 3 CD's hold a whopping 25 to 34 songs each. Plus there is a DVD that plays their music videos with only short attention span commentaries and interviews in between. The comic book captures the essence of the Ramones, and changes style enough to keep you turning the pages and laughing along the way. If you are here reading these reviews, that's enough for me to be able to tell you in confidence, "go ahead and get it, you will love it, you will experience premium nostalgic fun."

I'm not even going to attempt to defend my adulation of the Ramones or define their cultural importance, since a great many have already done so here. Rather, I think it important to point out the only major flaw with the set: the selection of post-TOO TOUGH TO DIE songs. This set was compiled by Johnny Ramone, and the third disc of the set reflects his bias (and I say this with the utmost respect; Johnny Ramone was perhaps the most perfect rock n roll guitarist since Chuck Berry). Strangely, he opted to include such dreck as Dee Dee's "Love Kills" (from ANIMAL BOY), an ode to Sid and Nancy which I've always felt greatly diminished the Ramones' punk authority, and marked the unfortunate downslide in Dee Dee's songwriting abilities (other Dee Dee songs, especially "Poison Heart" from MONDO BIZARRO, are still painful to listen to, and difficult to justify). Further, the inclusion of so many C.J.-sung songs, rather than the still-great Joey tunes on ADIOS AMIGOS is inexplicable, especially the execrable "Scattergun" (at least "Life's A Gas" and "Spiderman" are included). Lastly, HALFWAY TO SANITY and BRAIN DRAIN, their two most consistent late-period albums, are inexplicably under-represented.

The point of this gripe is simply to point out a missed opportunity; everybody already knows by now that the first four albums are peerless, even if they don't "get" the Ramones. The misguided survey of their waning years only furthers the assumption that they went downhill precipitously after 1984 (which is somewhat true, yet predominantly exaggerated). I can't help but wonder what it would have been like had Joey and Johnny been forced to collaborate on this compilation. If nothing else, it would have been more balanced.

Otherwise, the remastering sounds great (a further improvement over the already-wonderful album reissues) and the comic book is ingenious.

Let's be straight about it: all these tunes have come out before. Most of them have been repackaged a few times in a few different configurations. If you're a major Ramones fan, there's probably nothing here you haven't seen or heard.

But then, if you're a major Ramones fan, none of this matters; you want pretty much anything you can find related in any way to the Ramones. If you DON'T have all these songs, it doesn't matter either. So let's dispense with any handwringing over whether this box set is really necessary. Hey, pizza isn't really necessary either, but aren't you glad it exists? Thought so.

So let's cut to the chase. This set, you see, serves a higher purpose than just placing dozens of GREAT Ramones tunes onto a new batch of plastic discs. It serves a higher purpose than mere commerce. This set is about cementing and furthering the legacy of one of the rarest, most endangered beasts in the history of rock & roll: the Perfect Band.

The Perfect Band, after all, must possess every last piece of the rock puzzle. Its members must all be cool in their own way. They must all have their own, distinct personalities and charisma. They don't have to be individually handsome or pretty, but they must look good together. As far as the music goes, the playing of the members must serve the song and must NEVER become the focal point INSTEAD of the song. The Perfect Band must function as a unit with each member making a viable contribution to the group's overall sound and image. The Perfect Band absolutely MUST have the capacity to come up with one great song after another. In fact, the Perfect Band must have dozens and dozens of great songs under its belt.

With so many prerequisites, it's little wonder that there's only been a tiny handful of Perfect Bands in the history of rock & roll. The Beatles - especially in their early years - are an obvious example. The Stones are another, though their Perfect status was on vacation when the too-well-scrubbed Mick Taylor was in the fold. The Who? Maybe early on. The Beach Boys? Yes, but only before they started growing beards. The Kinks? Great band, not perfect. The Ramones? You bet your leather jacket, baby.

But to get to the point - and it is coming - of why this box set is worthwhile, it's important to note that the other Perfect Bands in rock all sold MILLIONS of records. These bands were/are absolutely huge. They filled stadiums, fer chrissakes. But the Ramones? Ah, commercial success was in shorter supply for the Fast Four than for the Fab Four, wasn't it? You know the story: no hit singles, no gold records (save for their collection, "RamonesMania"), no stadium tours - at least not in these United States. So, while other Perfect Bands became a part of the cultural landscape via radio play and selling LOTS of records, the Ramones did it by earning their fans one at a time. Fortunately for all of us, those fans have added up over the years, and they've rarely defected. They've continued to add up thanks - in some measure - to the steady availability and reissuing of Ramones music. Thus the viability of an 85-song Ramones retrospective such as this.

Oh, sure there will be cynics. Some folks see any repackaging such as this as nothing more than crass commercialism - an affront to their punk rock sensibilities! But just think of that one kid out there whose dad buys this set just for old time's sake. Just think of that kid getting that same rush you got the first time you heard "Loudmouth." Or "Havana Affair." Or "I Don't Want You." Or "She's the One." Or, heck, about a hundred other Ramones songs that flat WAILED but never got to be hits, even by Ramone standards. Think of that kid discovering a band that doesn't have just three or four really good songs, but DOZENS of really good songs. And think of that kid figuring out that, hey, this punk rock stuff didn't start with Blink 182. It didn't even start with the Sex Pistols or the Clash. IT STARTED WITH THE RAMONES!!!

So, yes, you already have this music. But if you're a true Ramones fan, you won't care. You'll dig the comic book, the packaging. You'll dig that there's still SOMETHING you can get and be excited about related to a band you love. You'll dig that a set like this confirms that the Ramones have become huge after all (something - if you're really a fan - you were praying for throughout their career). You'll dig that after all these years, other people still care about the Ramones. And most of all, you'll dig that somewhere along the line, this set is going to give some kid his first blast of, say, "Carbona Not Glue." Hey, maybe that kid will even start a band some day.