Whom Not To Marry Da: Time-tested Advice From A Higher Authority [Audio CD]

I've tried reading a few different books about dating relationships in a Christian perspective, the dos and the don'ts, etc. Unfortunately many of these books are geared toward teenagers, and they repeat a lot of what I already know (especially on moral issues - YES I know that sex before marriage and cohabiting and pornography are wrong! lol). I tried reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and a lot of that book just contained a lot of melodrama and impractical dating advice (at the decrepit age of 21, I would NOT want a man to ask my dad if it was OK to date me - my dad would just laugh at him). I read through some of the "Ten Commandments of Dating" and found that to be much better than "IKDG," but at the same time it made very strong convictions about being in a relationship that I just couldn't find myself agreeing with no matter how much I thought about it. I very much loved the psychology behind it and the explanations for certain moral convictions, but the end of the book where it talked about meeting people on the Internet only showed the authors' ignorance of that particular subject.

It excited me to see this book on the shelf at Borders in the Psychology section, written by a Catholic priest. I sat down and read the first chapter and a half and was hooked. Not only is his advice solid, but he is very humorous and relies on many personal experiences so as to not paint every couple with the same brush, yet at the same time recognizes that a woman should never marry a man under certain circumstances. Even though the author is a priest, he doesn't spend much time talking about God, which while I firmly believe that God should be the center of every relationship, not putting that much spirituality in this book will probably ease the temptation to over-spiritualize the relationship. If you "feel like God wants you to be in the relationship" but the man you're dating is neglecting you and isn't willing to commit, then maybe, just maybe, God is telling you differently. The Christian God is a practical God and I think that many Christians today (and people in general) lose sight of that.

That being said, this book is obviously written by a Christian because the chapter headings are based off 1 Corinthians 9:13. He very much believes in the power of this Scripture verse and fleshes out the ideas behind each phrase using anecdotes and the patterns found in each of the couples he's counseled. He is very clear and concise about each of the points he makes, which not only makes for a quick read, but some of the stuff he says can blow your mind, based on your own experiences with relationships and/or marriages. I know that my eyes were opened when he gave certain tips (such as "Never marry a man who makes jokes at your expense" - some people have a tendency to be doormats about that kind of stuff, especially when they laugh at the jokes because they don't want to be hurt by them). I also learned about issues that I didn't even know /were/ relationship issues until I read about them in here (of course, when I read about the anecdotes then I knew they were issues).

I especially liked the little section about rules being your servants but not your masters. I think that needs to be said more in Christians circles. All it is sometimes are rules, rules, rules and most of these rules aren't even biblical. Rules like, "Never French kiss" or "Don't become intimate/serious until the 6th date" or "Don't date someone unless you've become close friends with them first" don't help every individual who dates. Everyone is different. That being said, Scripture speaks of prudence and I know the Catholic Church speaks about chastity, but those are really the only "rules" that you need to follow, and most of that can be determined by your own judgment.

Of course, like Fr. Pat says at the beginning of this book, infatuation trumps judgment, at least in the early stages of a relationship. But well, what do you think this book is for? I plan on being serious with someone in the near future and this book has helped me see what I need to look for in him before I can REALLY think about marrying him (although that's weird for me to say, since marrying him isn't on the forefront of my mind right now, but hey, all the more reason to be looking for those signs). Thank you Fr. Pat for writing such a wonderful book and I hope that you publish more in the near future.

Normally, one wouldn't expect a Catholic priest to be able to give advice on whom to marry, but this little book is a real gem! It is peppered with information and humorous anecdotes, mingled with some of the most clear cut and honest reasons for choosing the right mate. What should one look for in a potential spouse and what qualities should send us fleeing in the opposite direction? Can he be patient, courteous and respectful of our feelings? Is he humble and able to compromise on issues or is his jealousy tearing your relationship apart? As the book says, love is patient, kind and rejoices in the truth.

Those who have been married for a while may also appreciate remembering why they married the man they did. What were the special things that touched your heart? When was the last time you really listened to your spouse or told him how much some of the little things he does say he really loves you? Does he put you down in public, in front of his friends (or yours) or does he treat you like a queen? This book is a quick, enjoyable read, one which will linger in your mind for some time.

Father Patrick Connor's book is not only a book of wisdom for the unmarried but is an excellent tool for the married, for those in religious life and for all relationships in general.
The book is so arranged that you could use it for counseling and classes on better relationships. I sent this book to my family and they are all fighting to be the one to read it first.
Every mom and dad should give this book to their college sons and daughters for graduation. I highly recommend it.

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