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Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism [Paperback]

Sandy Hotchkiss , James F. Masterson M.D.
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
List Price: CDN$ 18.99
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Book Description

Aug. 7 2003
In this groundbreaking book -- the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade -- clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries -- and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation.
Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.

Frequently Bought Together

Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism + Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed + Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Price For All Three: CDN$ 41.82

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Product Details

Product Description


The Hartford Courant A how-to not only for disengaging yourself from the narcissists in your life but also learning to live with them.

Drew Pinksy, M.D. A practical and accessible book about one of the most prevalent personality disorders of our time.

Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D. coauthor of I Hate You -- Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality. People who experience narcissism in themselves or in others now have a guide to help them steer through the storm.

Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews
52 of 53 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended Oct. 30 2003
By A Customer
Well-written; the best book I've read on the subject. The commentary on the social aspects of narcissism makes this author's approach relevant to every reader. Practical, realistic coping strategies as well as models for good-enough parenting. Great book for parents and teenagers to read together!
Synopsis: Narcissism is a healthy, necessary stage twice in a person's life, during the toddler and teen years, and gives an individual an inflated sense of confidence that enables him or her to leave the security of the parental bond to explore the world with newly acquired abilities. If children receive good-enough parenting when reality deflates this bubble of omnipotence, they reach the end of their narcissistic explorations with a newly integrated sense of self and awareness of the separateness of other people. If they are traumatized or are insecure in their attachment to primary caregivers at these crucial stages, they never "graduate" from the school of narcissism, and become "toxic people," viewing others merely as extensions of themselves and therefore without separate needs and feelings. You probably encounter narcissistic people every day without understanding why they are so rude, have an unfounded sense of entitlement, poor boundaries, or seem to be more "special" than other people. Many of us have been raised in families that pass down narcissitic vulnerabilities, leaving us prey to narcissists, who are always on the lookout for people who can be manipulated into supplying external validation of their "specialness," either by annexing you and your talents to serve them or by deflating you so as to inflate themselves.
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33 of 34 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A life changer May 15 2004
By A Customer
I had reached rock-bottom when a friend recommended this book to me: I found myself on my knees, begging my husband not to be angry at me. This book had everything I needed to pull myself out of the gutter: clarity, insight, intelligence, and page after page of perfect descriptions of what I had been living with for many years. Then came strong, simple advice on how to live a sane life. The descriptions helped me let go of my fantasy that he could change; the advice helped me turn my own path into one of optimism and strength. Thank you, SH.
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22 of 23 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the great unexplored areas of the mind Aug. 6 2004
I once worked for a boss who had the following sign on his desk: "People who think they know everything are particularly irritating to those of us who do." I laughed. Six months later, while still working for the same man I had stopped laughing. It wasn't a joke--the guy meant it. If only I had had this book then. It seems to me that far too much energy and time is spent on the "bigger" mental problems of society and not enough on this one. For really, most of these other problems seem to stem from narcissism. Most narcissistics see themselves as "healthy," so what can you do? This book is a must for those interested in toxic people and if you're older than the age of five, you know just how many there are. Highly, highly recommended. Would also recommend an interesting read (fiction) that deals with MAJOR personality disordererd individuals, family dysfunction, and definitely narcissism: "The Bark of the Dogwood" by Jackson McCrae.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Finally an answer June 9 2003
By A Customer
Ms. Hotchkiss's insight into Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) finally gave a voice to what I have been thinking for many years. After attracting narcissists of varying degrees into my life, I always found myself in the end either in complete disbelief at the behaviour I had encountered and tolerated, or believing there was something deeply wrong with me. When I began reading "The Seven Deadly Sins" as she puts it which outline some of the major personality flaws of those affected by NPD, I just wanted to shout out "Yes!, Yes!, this makes it all clear!". While this book primarily focuses on how to identify NPDs, it does provide some insight as to why you may be the personality type that attracts these damaged people into your life and how to manage them. Ms. Hotchkiss writes with, and I certainly believe that she has, empathy for those troubled with NPD, however, she also is very firm in that they most often do not change, and in order to save yourself from a lifetime of being used and emotionally sucked dry, you have to distance yourself. This may not be the most in depth writing on the subject but, for those of you like me who know in your heart that there is something wrong with someone in your life, this book can be a real eye opener, give voice to what you know is there, and set you on a road to recovery. Highly recommend.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Why is it Always about you May 28 2003
This book help me more than any theraphy could have helped me. If you want validation for the difficult people (Personality disorder) you have to deal with, this is the book. It describes Narcissism for what it is. Narcissist prey on those who have been shamed, so they can take on their disowned shame that their ego can not tolerate. Most of us are walking around with projections that don't even belong to us, they belong to them!!!!!! Best book on the subject. Best line in the book is - Narcissism breeds a new narcissist generation-- as well as people who seem to be magnets for this personality type.
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Most recent customer reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars One Star
Published 2 months ago by Lise
5.0 out of 5 stars You should get this...
Even if you don't have to deal with this in your personal life, this is a must have for the workplace. Read more
Published 5 months ago by scari63
5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read
If you have narcissism in your family you must read this book. It raises your awareness and helps you cope with the craziness the narcissist creates! Read more
Published 9 months ago by Vickie Lynne
4.0 out of 5 stars Putting perspective in mucky dynamics
Narcissism is so honoured in our society. It's what is enables many leaders to be who they are. It truly does have its positive aspects; but, beware, work hard, define and defend... Read more
Published 10 months ago by Lynn Briand
5.0 out of 5 stars Well written, extremely eye opening.
I would recommend this product to anyone trying to find out why their relationship may not be working. Narcicissm is extremely complex. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Susan Sweetnam
4.0 out of 5 stars Great information - exactly what I was looking for
I enjoyed reading this book. It's easy to understand especially when you are not a health professional.
The examples are pertinent and are common to everyday life.
Published 16 months ago by Viv K
5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful, informative, and to the point
Having lived with several people who I can now identify as narcissistic, some to a considerable degree, i found Hotchkiss's exploration of the topic quite revealing. Read more
Published 20 months ago by G Campbell Ellison
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful book
An excellent book with a great deal of insights enriched by real life examples. An easy but necessarily slow read for non-experts like myself. Read more
Published on March 5 2011 by Vicky Chen Tam
I strongly recommend this book for anyone seeking to find help with confusing trust and troubling relationship issues. Read more
Published on June 14 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars Americanism is not narcissism!
At least not the unhealthy narcissism that defines us today. And it is not how we got our start. Yet this message shows where we left the track then sadly plummeted toward the... Read more
Published on June 10 2004
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