- Paperback: 169 pages
- Publisher: New Harbinger Publications (Feb 10 2003)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1572243147
- ISBN-13: 978-1572243149
- Product Dimensions: 23 x 15.3 x 1 cm
- Shipping Weight: 236 g
- Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #588,280 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Details |
Product Description
Product Description
We learned how to relate to others in childhood, by gauging the responses our behavior elicited in our parents and creating early agreements with ourselves about how best to act and feel. We believed this was a mutual agreement, or "contract" that we were making with our parents. Unfortunately, these contracts don't stand up outside our families of origin and were often not formed our best interests in mind. Breaking these old contracts and establishing new ones with the important people in our lives is essential to both growing out of unhealthy childhood roles and getting what we truly need. In Why Can't I Ever Be Good Enough? we learn which contracts still define us, what it takes to break these, and how to create brand new contracts with ourselves that will lead to healthier relationships and lives. Through a series of exercises that include sample contract worksheets, we learn: How to develop a conscious awareness that will make old contracts visible How to distinguish your own voice from the critical, internalized voices from childhood How your contracts influence the way you connect and disconnect in relationships How to envision and create the life you want to be living
About the Author
Joan Rubin-Deutsch, LICSW, is a co-founding director of Interactions Counseling and Intervention Center in Littleton, Massachusetts. Ms. Rubin-Deutsch spent two years as Director of the Divorcing Parents workshop; a Massachusetts state-mandated parenting skills program for divorcing parents. A respected lecturer and workshop leader, she lives in Acton, Massachussets.
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First Sentence
When you were a child, you relied on your parents to nurture and take care of you. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
When you were a child, you relied on your parents to nurture and take care of you. Read the first page
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Most helpful customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Transforming old destructive messages about yourself...,
By
This review is from: Why Can't I Ever Be Good Enough?: Escaping the Limits of Your Childhood Roles (Paperback)
In Why Can't I Ever Be Good Enough, Joan Rubin-Deutsch soothes, encourages and inspires you to make changes in your life. She clearly wants her readers to be happier and live more joyful and authentic lives.Through gentle language, sharing stories about her clients and herself, guided meditations and easy-to-follow exercises, readers are guided along a healing journey with Joan as their emotional tour guide. This book would be helpful for anyone interested in understanding themselves more. Joan's found a new and very interesting way to describe how and why we got trapped in maladaptive patterns. In her description and discussion of the contracts we made as children, we learn that we have the power to change - to transform old destructive messages about ourselves into messages that are clear and objective - messages that offer greater choices and freedom. From changing the inner voices to reflect your "true inner self" to "becoming your own internal architect", Joan will walk the path with you as you decide which life contracts to keep, which to modify and which to discard completely. You will be a freer person at the end of your journey.
5.0 out of 5 stars
Growth Enhancing Experience,
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Can't I Ever Be Good Enough?: Escaping the Limits of Your Childhood Roles (Paperback)
This is a truly amazing and wonderful book! Rubin-Deutsch writes that "you can be the person YOU choose to be . . ." and offers a step-by-step guide to discovery and realization. She makes it easy to grasp the often unconscious patterns we form as children in response to our parents and families by using the idea of contracts-and then shows how to "re-write" these contracts from a healthy and adult point of view. The book contains clear explanations of the concepts, with examples, and is also a workbook with exercises to complete. It is definitely not something to rush through, but requires some serious thought in order to really achieve personal growth. The book is very well organized and each chapter builds upon the work in the previous chapter so that you can really see and feel progress. I especially liked the guided meditations which are used as a tool for relaxation, coping, discovery and reinforcement--and continue to use them. Reading this book and doing the work felt very much like working with a therapist-it almost seemed like I could hear her! She must be fantastic to work with in person! Anyone who wants to unhook themselves from the damaging thoughts, feelings and behaviors that stem from childhood "contracts" will appreciate the supportive, affirming and positive voice of the author. But I also think that just about everyone can benefit from the self-exploration that flows from the exercises Rubin-Deutsch outlines.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta) Amazon.com:
5.0 out of 5 stars (3 customer reviews) 12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Transforming old destructive messages about yourself...,
By Szifra Birke, author of Together We Heal - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Why Can't I Ever Be Good Enough?: Escaping the Limits of Your Childhood Roles (Paperback)
In Why Can't I Ever Be Good Enough, Joan Rubin-Deutsch soothes, encourages and inspires you to make changes in your life. She clearly wants her readers to be happier and live more joyful and authentic lives.Through gentle language, sharing stories about her clients and herself, guided meditations and easy-to-follow exercises, readers are guided along a healing journey with Joan as their emotional tour guide. This book would be helpful for anyone interested in understanding themselves more. Joan's found a new and very interesting way to describe how and why we got trapped in maladaptive patterns. In her description and discussion of the contracts we made as children, we learn that we have the power to change - to transform old destructive messages about ourselves into messages that are clear and objective - messages that offer greater choices and freedom. From changing the inner voices to reflect your "true inner self" to "becoming your own internal architect", Joan will walk the path with you as you decide which life contracts to keep, which to modify and which to discard completely. You will be a freer person at the end of your journey. 8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Growth Enhancing Experience,
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Why Can't I Ever Be Good Enough?: Escaping the Limits of Your Childhood Roles (Paperback)
This is a truly amazing and wonderful book! Rubin-Deutsch writes that "you can be the person YOU choose to be . . ." and offers a step-by-step guide to discovery and realization. She makes it easy to grasp the often unconscious patterns we form as children in response to our parents and families by using the idea of contracts-and then shows how to "re-write" these contracts from a healthy and adult point of view. The book contains clear explanations of the concepts, with examples, and is also a workbook with exercises to complete. It is definitely not something to rush through, but requires some serious thought in order to really achieve personal growth. The book is very well organized and each chapter builds upon the work in the previous chapter so that you can really see and feel progress. I especially liked the guided meditations which are used as a tool for relaxation, coping, discovery and reinforcement--and continue to use them. Reading this book and doing the work felt very much like working with a therapist-it almost seemed like I could hear her! She must be fantastic to work with in person! Anyone who wants to unhook themselves from the damaging thoughts, feelings and behaviors that stem from childhood "contracts" will appreciate the supportive, affirming and positive voice of the author. But I also think that just about everyone can benefit from the self-exploration that flows from the exercises Rubin-Deutsch outlines.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Why Can't I Ever Be Good Enough? Escaping the Limits of Your Childhood Roles,
By Nellie Spencer - Published on Amazon.com
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Why Can't I Ever Be Good Enough?: Escaping the Limits of Your Childhood Roles (Paperback)
I loved the book and am still reading it! It has been very helpful for me to heal the dysfunctional & erroneous beliefs about myself that I picked up during my childhood with my parents. I liked the part about finding contracts that I subconsciously made with life that were destructive to me.
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