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From Amazon
Through sample conversations, Wolf presents strategies for opening communication, keeping children out of the middle, and dealing with both the day-to-day complications and long-term effects of divorce. Wolf is taking a presumptive risk in scripting family encounters, but because he gives so many examples and because the advice is sensible, compassionate, and well-explained, he never seems didactic. Wolf's advice covers everything from helping your kids figure out what to tell their friends about the divorce to what to say when your ex-spouse is uncooperative. He is a strong proponent of "quality time" (and his example of a two-minute "quality time" conversation is stunning in its simplicity and effectiveness). While every situation and conversation may not match your own, most divorced or divorcing parents will learn a great deal. --Ericka Lutz
From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Children's first reaction to the news of their parents' divorce will most often be simple and straightforward. Read the first page
Concordance
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Most helpful customer reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
A pediatrician's take,
By
This review is from: Why Did You Have To Get A Divorce (Paperback)
In my job as a pediatrician, I have given general counseling to families going through divorce and separation for several years, and thought that I was fairly savvy about handling these situation. However with my recent separation from my children's father, I have been shocked at how difficult even little decisions are about what to say or not say to the kids, leaving me almost paralyzed at times. This book has been a big help in laying out the issues and clarifying what is really in the kids' best interest, as opposed to the parents'. Realizing that the kids don't want or need or understand long-winded explanations makes it easier for me to talk to them about the situtaion; and being clear in my own mind on what is grown-up business vs kid business I'm hoping will help me to handle the next difficult months (and probably years) with more grace and integrity. It's an easy read with great cartoons too! Thanks, Dr. Wolf!
5.0 out of 5 stars
Incredibly helpful,
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Did You Have To Get A Divorce (Paperback)
I believe that intuition is a solid guide for regular day-to-day parenting, but effectively parenting kids going through a divorce calls for some professional advice. Dr. Wolf makes some excellent points that are counter-intuitive. One that hit home the most for me was what to do when a child going through a divorce comes to a parent with untrue accusations coming straight from the other parent. ("Mom said that you guys had agreed to save money to take us to Disney World but you went and spent the money on jewelry for your girlfriend.") The natural response is to set the child straight and explain that the other parent is just angry and not telling the truth. Dr. Wolf convinced me - and I was very reluctant to believe - that the best solution is to tell the child that such issues are between Mom and Dad only and refuse to discuss it. What a relief for the child to be taken out of the middle and not have to try to decide which parent to believe. I remember how hard loyalty conflicts were for me when my parents divorced - the kids don't want to know about their parents' spending habits in the marriage or mean little things they did or did not do to each other. Dr. Wolf helped me as a new stepparent understand that keeping kids out of the middle is just more important than making sure they know the whole truth. Better for your child to suspect you probably did whatever your ex accuses you of than to be placed in the middle of an adult conflict and be forced to choose between parents. Dr. Wolf's sample situations are VERY realistic. Here is a man who has really listened to the way kids talk and the things they get worked up about. His suggestions, which cover many common post-divorce dilemmas, make a lot of sense, and are a great help to parents going through a very difficult, emotional time and having some trouble figuring out what is really best for the children. My husband and I got a lot out of this book. I also highly recommend "Children of Divorce: a Developmental Approach to Residence and Visitation" and "Mom's House, Dad's House."
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta) Amazon.com:
4.7 out of 5 stars (6 customer reviews) 41 of 42 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Incredibly helpful,
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Why Did You Have To Get A Divorce (Paperback)
I believe that intuition is a solid guide for regular day-to-day parenting, but effectively parenting kids going through a divorce calls for some professional advice. Dr. Wolf makes some excellent points that are counter-intuitive. One that hit home the most for me was what to do when a child going through a divorce comes to a parent with untrue accusations coming straight from the other parent. ("Mom said that you guys had agreed to save money to take us to Disney World but you went and spent the money on jewelry for your girlfriend.") The natural response is to set the child straight and explain that the other parent is just angry and not telling the truth. Dr. Wolf convinced me - and I was very reluctant to believe - that the best solution is to tell the child that such issues are between Mom and Dad only and refuse to discuss it. What a relief for the child to be taken out of the middle and not have to try to decide which parent to believe. I remember how hard loyalty conflicts were for me when my parents divorced - the kids don't want to know about their parents' spending habits in the marriage or mean little things they did or did not do to each other. Dr. Wolf helped me as a new stepparent understand that keeping kids out of the middle is just more important than making sure they know the whole truth. Better for your child to suspect you probably did whatever your ex accuses you of than to be placed in the middle of an adult conflict and be forced to choose between parents. Dr. Wolf's sample situations are VERY realistic. Here is a man who has really listened to the way kids talk and the things they get worked up about. His suggestions, which cover many common post-divorce dilemmas, make a lot of sense, and are a great help to parents going through a very difficult, emotional time and having some trouble figuring out what is really best for the children. My husband and I got a lot out of this book. I also highly recommend "Children of Divorce: a Developmental Approach to Residence and Visitation" and "Mom's House, Dad's House." 14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
A pediatrician's take,
By Jennifer A. Tenney - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Why Did You Have To Get A Divorce (Paperback)
In my job as a pediatrician, I have given general counseling to families going through divorce and separation for several years, and thought that I was fairly savvy about handling these situation. However with my recent separation from my children's father, I have been shocked at how difficult even little decisions are about what to say or not say to the kids, leaving me almost paralyzed at times. This book has been a big help in laying out the issues and clarifying what is really in the kids' best interest, as opposed to the parents'. Realizing that the kids don't want or need or understand long-winded explanations makes it easier for me to talk to them about the situtaion; and being clear in my own mind on what is grown-up business vs kid business I'm hoping will help me to handle the next difficult months (and probably years) with more grace and integrity. It's an easy read with great cartoons too! Thanks, Dr. Wolf!
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Divorce Attorney's Point of View,
By Betty "Betty" - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: Why Did You Have To Get A Divorce (Paperback)
Concise, witty, straightforward and astute: this book is required reading for my divorce clients with children. Dr. Wolf "gets it." He knows adult topics are off limits. He knows children interested are in their own needs; not in the justices and injustices of their parents' disputes. Yes, kids will play mom and dad against each for double birthdays and constant rides to the mall. No, kids do want to hear the whole story about whether mommy really did sleep with the IRS auditor or whether it's ramen for dinner because daddy missed paying child support. Going through the trauma of divorce and then the added trauma of the legal system can be like stepping through the looking glass. Everything becomes its opposite. My clients have very little time to re-orient and get on track. This book is their express route. With humor and brevity, Dr. Wolf educates them so they interact reasonably with judges, social workers, lawyers, mediators and, most importantly, so they can parent well in tough circumstances. This book will give you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change (when the other idiotic parent forces the kids to go to those outrageously-expensive, exhausting swimming lessons and then lets them eat unhealthy, sugar-infested brownies), the courage to change the things you can (when you, the saintly parent, break your back to get them to their exhilarating and enriching swimming lessons and then stay up all night baking them your wonderful down-home brownies), and the wisdom to know the difference (usually none.) Read it. Your kids would thank you if they only had the time to look up from their phones and video game remotes.
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