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Product Description
From Kirkus Reviews
From psychology professor (Univ. of Washington) and marriage researcher Gottman: an upbeat, easy-to-follow manual based on research into the dynamics of married couples. Gottman describes his studies as being akin to a CAT scan of a living relationship and asserts that he's been able to predict the future of marriages with an accuracy rate of over 90 percent. In 1983 and 1986, his research team monitored more than a hundred married couples in Indiana and Illinois with electrodes, video cameras, and microphones as they attempted to work out real conflicts. Using the information derived from these sessions, Gottman concludes here that a lasting relationship results from a couple's ability to resolve conflicts through any of the three styles of problem-solving that are found in healthy marriages- -validating, conflict-avoiding, and volatile. Numerous self-quizzes help couples determine the style that best suits them. Gottman points out, however, that couples whose interactions are marked by four characteristics--criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal--are in trouble, and he includes self-tests for diagnosing these destructive tactics, as well as steps for countering them. Interestingly, Gottman asserts that the basis of a stable marriage can be expressed mathematically: the ratio of positive to negative moments must be at least 5:1--and he offers a four-step program for breaking through negativity and allowing one's natural communication and problem-solving abilities to flourish. Mathematics and science aside, there's plenty of old- fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences, realistic expectations, love, and respect--advice that may appeal especially to those who enjoy taking quizzes and analyzing relationships. -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Book Description
If You Love Your Mate but Your Marriage Seems to Be Off Track, Then This Book Is for You
Psychologist John Gottman has spent 20 years studying what makes a marriage last. Now you can use his tested methods to evaluate, strengthen, and maintain your own long-term relationship. This breakthrough book guides you through a series of self-tests designed to help you determine what kind of marriage you have, where your strengths and weaknesses are, and what specific actions you can take to help your marriage.
You'll also learn:
* More sex doesn't necessarily improve a marriage
* Frequent arguing will not lead to divorce
* Financial problems do not always spell trouble in a relationship
* Wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years
* There is a reason husbands withdraw from arguments -- and there's a way around it
Dr. Gottman tells you how to recognize attitudes that doom a marriage -- contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling -- and provides practical exercises, quizzes, tips, and techniques that will help you understand and make the most of your relationship. You can avoid patterns that lead to divorce, and -- Why Marriages Succeed or Fail will show you how.
Inside This Book
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First Sentence
Have you and your spouse ever planned a big romantic getaway only to find that once alone together, you fall into the same argument you've had twenty times before? Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
Have you and your spouse ever planned a big romantic getaway only to find that once alone together, you fall into the same argument you've had twenty times before? Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars
Repetitive but worthwhile,
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last (Paperback)
This book is very applicable to anyone who is married or about to be, and it is based on scientific research. My main problem : since it is the first book the author wrote for the general public (rather than journals) he tends to treat the reader like a child and repeat every single point 4-5 times! This made the reading go a little slowly. But by skipping a few paragraphs at a time, I learned a great deal about different types of conflict-solving, and have already used my new knowledge in my relationship with my fiance!
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent advice!,
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last (Paperback)
I thought that this book was excellent in outlining the types of patterns we fall into when we get married. It gave me a positive but realistic outlook on what is going on in my marriage and how I can work on making it better. The author's de-emphasis on deep meaningful communication left me a little unsatisfied. Although I know that letting go of the little things is important, I feel that opening up to your partner is very important in a loving relationship. I like another book that takes this one step further in developing a deep caring relationship. It is called "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to understand and improve his or her relationship.
3.0 out of 5 stars
Good identification of marital patterns, but little else,
By A Customer
This review is from: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last (Paperback)
The author's ability to communicate his research in the first half of the book may make the book worth a read. He offers a refreshing look into marital styles, as well as problems that can creep into marriages. While this is interesting, the guidance offered for working through these difficulties is weak. The second half of the book, therefore, is not particularly interesting or helpful. My sense was that, at the time of publishing, the author had scientifically identified patterns and interactions in marriages that indicate when they are in trouble, but he had not yet identified methods to help these couples work through these problems. In addition, his identification of some differences between men and women was superficial. He seemed to have little insight into what men are motivated by, think about, or are worried about. Instead, he characterized them as sex-hungry and unable to communicate, with the solution being that women should just accept them that way. Neither the characterization nor the solution was helpful, accurate, or complete.
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