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Why Men Are The Way They Are [Mass Market Paperback]

Warren Farrell
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Jan. 29 2002
Farrell has conducted role-playing workshops with thousands of men and women for more than 20 years. His ground-breaking research is the basis for the book, which most experts agree may be one of the most extraordinary, eye-opening books of our time. HC: McGraw-Hill.

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From Library Journal

In a question-and-answer format, Farrell ( The Myth of Male Power , Audio Reviews, LJ 10/1/93) explains life from a man's perspective. If you've wondered why men find it hard to commit, why they provide solutions instead of empathy, why they can't just stop and ask directions, or why they spend so much time at work, this audiobook is for you. Farrell addresses the other side of sexism, asking why women, if they want equality, expect men to pick up the check at dinner. He explains the male experience of being a "success object" as well as explaining why men make women into "sex objects" to lessen the pain of rejection. The listener learns what men talk about with the "guys" and why vulnerability is so difficult for men to express. Farrell initiates a dialog that will contribute to an understanding and maybe even a truce between the sexes. Recommended for all contemporary collections.
- Nancy Paul, Brandon P.L., Wis.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Warren Farrell, Ph.D., is the author of Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say and The Myth of Male Power. Dr. Farrell taught at the School of Medicine of the University of California in San Diego, and has taught psychology, sociology, and political science at Georgetown, Rutgers, and Brooklyn College. He is the only man elected three times to the board of N.O.W. in New York City. He lives in Encinitas, California.

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Ralph was a forty-one-year-old man in our men's group. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

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Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book healed me. Sept. 28 2000
Format:Mass Market Paperback
It is very difficult for me to summarize in this short review all of the many changes this book has provoked in my thinking. Here is a brief list: (1)After first reading it, I concluded that my focus upon penis/vagina intercourse was very harmful to me, as well as to my relations with women I date. I worked hard to change how I think about sex-play. It is now possible for me to cuddle with a woman I'm very sexually attracted to all night and not feel deprived, or at all irritated. A key insight Farrell gave me was that my preoccupation with that type of sex has been due to the acceptance it implies, and to the ending of a period of potential rejection that it implies (when it is the first time for me and the woman). Note: I needed over a year in order to make "mere cuddling" feel like "enough". It was tough, but very worth it. I'm now working on minimizing my preoccupation with how beautiful a woman is. This one is tougher! (2)Farrell's claims about extreme differences in how women are treated depending on how much beauty they have was a real "eye opener" for me. I very much needed to read about such differences, as a means to help me detect extreme differences in how different women think (dependent upon how much beauty they have). For example, I've discovered that if a woman is within the top 5 percent of what is generally regarded as beautiful, I must be very careful to avoid shy approaches, even if I am responding to obvious cues from the woman. E.g., such women often need to be assured that the male will pull them away from a jealous male in their life already. Also, they need to be assured that you, the male, are not mainly interested in a temporary sex thrill. Read more ›
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Maybe the best study on men EVER!!!! Dec 5 2000
Format:Mass Market Paperback
I was first introduced to Warren Farrell when he was a featured speaker at a Tony Robbins NLP Certification seminar in 1989. The bulk of his presentation then is in this book which I think was just as powerful as John Gray's Mars-Venus material. Why Men Are the Way They Are is because Women Are the Way They Are which is the result of cultural conditioning by advertising and tradition. His examples are truly excellent and this book was one of my foundational resource..., but to those who seek innovative works in the relationship genre this is a classic gem.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Farrell's 2nd best book to date. Oct. 24 2000
Format:Mass Market Paperback
I first read this book a dozen years ago (at about age 30), have a thoroughly marked-up and re-read copy, and can say that it articulated so many obvious truths about male-female dynamics which weren't part of the general cultural discussion then (or now) that it was the sort of total revelation that other reviewers write about here much more eloquently than I can. I had previously believed that I was light-years away from being the typical male (choose your term: jerk, loser, etc.), but gained valuable insights from the book into how the typical female regards men and why my inner qualities were irrelevant or seemed to work opposite to the way I'd expected based on listening to what women say -- which solved a major puzzle. The strength of this book is that it's based on observations of everday behavior and what people do, rather than what they say.
While many of the examples (Michael Jackson, the movie Flashdance, etc.) are a bit dated at this point, Farrell's observations were years ahead of even the radical evolutionary psychologists in coming around to the view that men, and male behavior generally, are basically the result of a breeding experiment run by women, not men. This is a liberating data-point for men, who have been alternately shamed, chided, and pitied by women unrelentingly for about two decades now.
While much of the men's movement has progressed to more of a focus on political issues (divorce and child custody in particular), and Farrell's subsequent "The Myth of Male Power" is a stronger refutation of the widespread allegations of rampant male privilege (read it next), "Why Men Are The Way They Are" is still about the best book written from a male-friendly perspective on courtship and basic relationship issues, exploding many myths about men and women, which can only be a good thing.
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5.0 out of 5 stars A "must read" for women AND men Aug. 1 2000
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Farrell, a former NOW director, has taken a critical eye towards societal, cultural, and biological (in that order) factors in how male-female relationships are played out. This book is not just a backlash or knee-jerk reaction to mainline feminism: after all, the author worked for NOW. He synthesizes data from the hundreds of men-only, women-only, and couples groups that he has organized, and material from the media (magazines, books, movies, TV), and comes to some stark conclusions. Shocking though they might be, they are well reasoned, and examples abound.
The book is a bit old, but I venture to guess that not much has changed. In fact, I'm almost certain even with just a cursory survey of magazines, books, newspapers, and movies.
ALL men and women who are frustrated with why relationships (romantic or otherwise) are so rarely satisfying should read this. Even those that are in satisfying relationships should read this to understand a little more how society and culture pressures both men and women into mutually destructive roles.
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Most recent customer reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars the aftermath of Farrell's breakup with feminism
When a love affair comes to an end, it's a natural temptation to trash the former object of affection to anyone who will listen. Read more
Published on March 11 2001 by Peter Tupper
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Reading
Dr. Farrell breaks open the mind with role reversals and thought provacation in both his book and clinics throughout the nation. Read more
Published on May 23 2000
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing Book--You Must Get It!
Has some remarkable insight's on what motivates people, specifically the differences between men and women; while I generally don't like books that say "Men are like this,... Read more
Published on April 24 2000 by Mark Struttin
5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read
An absolute must read, for both sexes: things you always suspected were true, but never, ever dared say out loud. Sanity in printed form. Read more
Published on Dec 6 1999 by Paul Scott
1.0 out of 5 stars Awful stereotypical thinking insulting to both men and women
Where to begin? Bad research (if it can be called that),fallicious reasoning, pandering (quiet genocide, please!), and dated. Read more
Published on Nov. 22 1999
5.0 out of 5 stars Will make your life more fulfilling, and longer lasting!
Warren Farrell has the unusal ability to see us as a Martian would. His fresh approach brings staggering insights, paradigm shifts and will change your life forever.
Published on June 9 1999
5.0 out of 5 stars Will make your life more fulfilling, and longer lasting!
Warren Farrell has the unusal ability to see us as a Martian would. His fresh approach brings staggering insights, paradigm shifts and will change your life forever.
Published on June 9 1999
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is the key to understanding men.
I used to complain that men wouldn't open up. Now I can't get them to shut up. I'm kidding of course, I love it that men feel comfortable enough to confide in me. Read more
Published on Oct. 6 1998
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the greatest books of this century
Why Men Are the Way They Are is one of the most wonderful books I've ever read in my life. Warren Farrell tells you everything you need to know about how to be a winner in your... Read more
Published on Aug. 21 1998
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