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Why Men Are The Way They Are Mass Market Paperback – Jan 29 2002


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Product Details

  • Mass Market Paperback: 1 pages
  • Publisher: Berkley (MM); Reissue edition (Jan. 29 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 042511094X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0425110942
  • Product Dimensions: 2.7 x 10.8 x 17.1 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 227 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #72,195 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)


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Ralph was a forty-one-year-old man in our men's group. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
I was first introduced to Warren Farrell when he was a featured speaker at a Tony Robbins NLP Certification seminar in 1989. The bulk of his presentation then is in this book which I think was just as powerful as John Gray's Mars-Venus material. Why Men Are the Way They Are is because Women Are the Way They Are which is the result of cultural conditioning by advertising and tradition. His examples are truly excellent and this book was one of my foundational resource..., but to those who seek innovative works in the relationship genre this is a classic gem.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Martian Bachelor on Oct. 24 2000
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I first read this book a dozen years ago (at about age 30), have a thoroughly marked-up and re-read copy, and can say that it articulated so many obvious truths about male-female dynamics which weren't part of the general cultural discussion then (or now) that it was the sort of total revelation that other reviewers write about here much more eloquently than I can. I had previously believed that I was light-years away from being the typical male (choose your term: jerk, loser, etc.), but gained valuable insights from the book into how the typical female regards men and why my inner qualities were irrelevant or seemed to work opposite to the way I'd expected based on listening to what women say -- which solved a major puzzle. The strength of this book is that it's based on observations of everday behavior and what people do, rather than what they say.
While many of the examples (Michael Jackson, the movie Flashdance, etc.) are a bit dated at this point, Farrell's observations were years ahead of even the radical evolutionary psychologists in coming around to the view that men, and male behavior generally, are basically the result of a breeding experiment run by women, not men. This is a liberating data-point for men, who have been alternately shamed, chided, and pitied by women unrelentingly for about two decades now.
While much of the men's movement has progressed to more of a focus on political issues (divorce and child custody in particular), and Farrell's subsequent "The Myth of Male Power" is a stronger refutation of the widespread allegations of rampant male privilege (read it next), "Why Men Are The Way They Are" is still about the best book written from a male-friendly perspective on courtship and basic relationship issues, exploding many myths about men and women, which can only be a good thing.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
It is very difficult for me to summarize in this short review all of the many changes this book has provoked in my thinking. Here is a brief list: (1)After first reading it, I concluded that my focus upon penis/vagina intercourse was very harmful to me, as well as to my relations with women I date. I worked hard to change how I think about sex-play. It is now possible for me to cuddle with a woman I'm very sexually attracted to all night and not feel deprived, or at all irritated. A key insight Farrell gave me was that my preoccupation with that type of sex has been due to the acceptance it implies, and to the ending of a period of potential rejection that it implies (when it is the first time for me and the woman). Note: I needed over a year in order to make "mere cuddling" feel like "enough". It was tough, but very worth it. I'm now working on minimizing my preoccupation with how beautiful a woman is. This one is tougher! (2)Farrell's claims about extreme differences in how women are treated depending on how much beauty they have was a real "eye opener" for me. I very much needed to read about such differences, as a means to help me detect extreme differences in how different women think (dependent upon how much beauty they have). For example, I've discovered that if a woman is within the top 5 percent of what is generally regarded as beautiful, I must be very careful to avoid shy approaches, even if I am responding to obvious cues from the woman. E.g., such women often need to be assured that the male will pull them away from a jealous male in their life already. Also, they need to be assured that you, the male, are not mainly interested in a temporary sex thrill.Read more ›
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
Farrell, a former NOW director, has taken a critical eye towards societal, cultural, and biological (in that order) factors in how male-female relationships are played out. This book is not just a backlash or knee-jerk reaction to mainline feminism: after all, the author worked for NOW. He synthesizes data from the hundreds of men-only, women-only, and couples groups that he has organized, and material from the media (magazines, books, movies, TV), and comes to some stark conclusions. Shocking though they might be, they are well reasoned, and examples abound.
The book is a bit old, but I venture to guess that not much has changed. In fact, I'm almost certain even with just a cursory survey of magazines, books, newspapers, and movies.
ALL men and women who are frustrated with why relationships (romantic or otherwise) are so rarely satisfying should read this. Even those that are in satisfying relationships should read this to understand a little more how society and culture pressures both men and women into mutually destructive roles.
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