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Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men and Sex [Hardcover]

Abraham Morgentaler

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Book Description

April 16 2013

Harvard Professor Abraham Morgentaler, MD, offers a rare view into the secret world of his patients, providing a startling new perspective on men, sex, and relationships

What really drives men to do what they do? Why Men Fake It uses the real-life stories of Dr. Morgentaler's patients to let us in on the secrets of men and to examine the current state of male sexuality in science and medicine as well as in relationships and popular culture.  In this frank and open discussion of the subject, Dr. Morgentaler will make men and women alike question what we think we know about gender, motivation, sexuality, relationships,  and, ultimately, the definition of a “man.” 

From the biology and science behind the "Bionic Penis," to the psychology behind men faking orgasms, Why Men Fake It will change the conversation about male sexual health, and will introduce the world to sex and relationships from a new point of view.  Dr. Morgentaler's exploration of male sexuality, from the Masters and Johnson era through the introduction of Viagra, Feminism and the internet, provides the basis for his provocative and revolutionary ideas regarding men and sex-  a topic that, until now, has been either sensationalized or stereotyped by the media—to give us the definitive guide to men, as we’ve never seen them before.  From these stories you will gain a surprising perspective on the minds and motivations of men: committed, caring, loving and sometimes clumsy individuals doing their best to be great partners in their relationships.


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Review

"Fascinating and easy to read, this groundbreaking book will certainly give all of us a lot to think about and may just inspire the same kind of sexual revolution for men that women have been enjoying for decades."-- Dish Magazine

"Profoundly interesting…groundbreaking"-- CBC's Q with Jian Ghomeshi

“An enlightening new book.” – Cosmopolitan Magazine

“Harvard Professor Dr. Abraham Morgantaler, founder of a Boston clinic for male sexual and reproductive disorders, offers a glimpse behind the examination-room door at the hopes and hang-ups of his patients. His latest book, Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth about Men and Sex, takes the measure of manhood in the age of Viagra, Internet porn and shifting gender roles.” Maclean’s (Canada)

“I can’t remember the last time a piece of important medical history made me gasp, drop my jaw and then explode into disbelieving laughter. But such was the effect of … Dr. Abraham Morgentaler’s new book, ‘Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men And Sex,’”—WBUR.org

"Morgentaler’s experienced perspective comes across in his writing and will appeal to a wide audience. Eye-opening and never dull, this is a book both male and female readers interested in medicine, sexuality, gender issues, and relationships will enjoy" –Library Journal

"Knowledgeable, sophisticated. . . A fascinating and gender friendly discourse on the ups and downs of the male libido." -- Kirkus

“A tell-all exposé… Why Men Fake It is a throwback that unfolds via the anecdotal weight of a seasoned doctor’s observations and his recollections of intimate details told to him by his patients. Morgentaler expertly walks us through a host of explanations for this scourge of denouement fictus. Indeed, Why Men Fake It unfolds like a present-day version of the 1950s-era women’s magazine self-help column “Tell Me Doctor,” only here the patients are men. Thus we learn a great deal about male biology.” --PublicBooks

"Dr. Morgentaler has done it again! In Why Men Fake It, the courageous Harvard professor takes the reader into the privacy of the examining room to learn about the taboo topic of male sexuality. A must-read for both sexes!" – Suzanne Somers, lecturer and New York Times Bestselling author of 24 books

"A pioneer in the fields of men’s sexual health and low testosterone, Abe Morgentaler, MD, here takes the reader beyond the macho male image. Why Men Fake It pairs patient and partner stories, and explains the relevant history and science of sexual medicine to provide a book that is both important and fun to read." --Irwin Goldstein, MD, Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego and Editor-in-Chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine

"A courageous and revealing exploration of male sexuality in the 21st century. Men who read this book will understand themselves better with every page. By focusing like a laser beam on male issues that others have lacked the creativity and compassion to address, Abe Morgentaler, MD, proves that he deserves the mantle of "America's Top Doctor for Men." Why Men Fake It is a must-read for men and the women who care about them." -- Keith Ablow, MD, New York Times Bestselling Author and Fox News "Medical A Team" Member

"Why Men Fake It answers questions about sex and relationships that beg to be asked but seldom are. Dr. Morgentaler's sensitive, empowering manner and his unique perspective on the male psyche in the early 21st century makes this a must-read for all men and women." -- Alan Altman, MD, Past President, International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health

"An engaging, provocative, and fun book that moved me and also made me laugh. I will never think about men, sex, and relationships the same way again."  -- Sanjiv Chopra, MD, Professor of Medicine, Harvard Medical School, and author of Live Better, Live Longer

"Dr Morgentaler takes us on a compelling journey into the minds of men and how they really feel about sex, love and relationships. A great read for women who want to understand their lover's struggles and secret desires in the bedroom and beyond." -- Laura Berman, LCSW, PhD author of Loving Sex: The Book of Joy and Passion

"Many novels and news stories describe "hyper-sexed" men who care only about the pleasure sex gives to them, while others address the latest treatments for male sexual problems. But most men fit neither description. Most men can have sex, and have concerns about how well they satisfy their partners. For such men-and there are many of them-this book from a physician expert in men's sexual function has much valuable information. Clearly written, with compelling personal stories that make the material come alive."
-- Anthony Komaroff, MD, Professor of Medicine, Harvard Medical School 

"Dr. Morgentaler, a distinguished Harvard urologist, takes us into his consulting room and exposes the deep struggles and concerns that men have regarding their sexuality. Using humor and sensitivity he reveals the interwoven physical and psychological concerns that are part and parcel of male sexual identity. Why Men Fake It is a brave, bold, and extremely well written book that teaches us about the complexity of the mind of man." -- Stanley E. Althof, Ph.D., Executive Director, Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida, Emeritus Professor, Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine



About the Author

Dr. Abraham Morgentaler, MD, FACS, is an Associate Clinical Professor of Urology at Harvard Medical School and the founder of Men’s Health Boston, a treatment center for male sexual and reproductive disorders. He is the author of three previous books and his work has appeared in the New England Journal of Medicine, The New Yorker and the WSJ among others. He researches, lectures internationally, and sees a limited number of patients via his new program, Personalized MensHealth.

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Amazon.com: 4.3 out of 5 stars  20 reviews
14 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Can men fake it? April 16 2013
By Buddha Baby - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover
It's taken awhile for me to get to writing this because I was touched by this book and am still thinking about it.  When I taught gender identity development one of the things I focused on was how sexism hurts men.  Most of us can see the obvious ways it hurts women, e.g. salaries, violence, etc.  I wanted my students to see the cost that oppressing has on the oppressor so my focus was different.  Men pay in terms of their health among other things, but mostly in their emotional development and in their relationships with their children and other loved ones.  The U.S. culture, although certainly changing, still has so much of a gender split that many members of both genders are held captive by their expected behavior and live restricted lives.  They are often unaware of that and of the effects it has on them.  Some women still expect men to sweep them off their feet, seduce them, and perform like supermen.  Of course they still expect it - that is still the pattern in most movies, books, music regardless of the fact it has changed somewhat.  A large portion of this book is focused on what it is like to be the sweeper, that knight in shining armor.

Morgentaler clearly and in great detail illustrates the ability of men to fake it physically, meaning to fake orgasm and passion.  He presents in depth knowledge on this topic, in which he is well versed.  He is an associate clinical professor of urology at Harvard Med, experienced in both medical practice (25 years of it) and peer reviewed research.  There is enough background here for the lay reader, for whom the book is written, if not the professional.  As a former teacher of human sexuality, I wish I had had this information before I retired, and would like to have used the book as an undergraduate text.  For example Morgentaler addresses the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, explaining the physical possibility of faking it.

In short, the why of faking it is to live up to the cultural model of the always available sexual male not so much as to fulfill a sense of ego but even more so to fulfill his duty as a husband and/or lover.

There is interesting information  about how some of the empirical data is gathered, e.g. equipment for measuring erections, traditional methods of measuring testosterone levels, etc.  Certainly the biological drive to reproduce is clear and is addressed.  There is some mention of the female drive here also (altho not a mention of the English research that shows that women are more likely to have affairs when they are fertile, a little tidbit that I have always found interesting).  There is excellent coverage of the broad effects of testosterone levels, specifically those not related to erections and specific sexual performance, which have lead to some doctors prescribing viagra and testosterone together.  Dr. Morgentaler addresses the previous controversy of the misuse of testosterone supplements and possible links to cancer, which appear to have been disproven.  He has done this by performing a meta-analysis of over 200 medical articles.

The use of viagra in the U.S. culture is almost a joke to some people, and in my opinion it is certainly overprescribed and abused.  This author reminds us of the importance and many benefits of the proper use of viagra, which I believe is an important topic that is overshadowed.

I was happy to see Dr. Morgentaler address penis size, because how can you trust anyone who continues to support the silly idea that differences in that area are non-existent.  Looking at reality and examining  it and dealing with it works much better in my opinion.

Happily Dr. Morgentaler also  includes both hetero and homosexuality in this book, as well as making some interesting comparisons about how we perceive male versus female sexuality.  For example, a woman can have multiple orgasms during intercourse and it is seen as a great thing, whereas a man who has an early orgasm and then more, is often derisively pathologized and referred to as a premature ejaculator.  No one refers to a woman who has orgasm before her partner as a premature anything.  Ultimately, the author states that when you ask women why they fake it, they usually reply that they wanted to make the man feel good.  He shows us that in his experience in this field, when you ask men why they fake it, you get the same answer.   They want to make their partner feel good about themselves.

This book is well written and a very good read.  Whenever I started to think that was about all I wanted to hear about this topic, something new was presented and kept leading me on to finish.  I highly recommend this book for undergrads, lay people, men and anyone who loves men.  As a marriage therapist, I would recommend this to my clients also. I intend to give away a few copies to my adult children and grandchildren for starters.

This is from an early review copy given to me by the publisher.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening, entertaining, a really good read! May 2 2013
By Monteverde - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover
I have read two of Dr. Morgentaler's prior books Teststerone for Life and The Viagra Myth, but I think this is the best one yet. In this book, Morgentaler presents a fundamentally different view of male sexuality and, most interestingly, men as sexual beings. Morgentaler makes a powerful case for a revised, more modern and, ultimately, more accurate description of male sexual motivation and expectation. He does this through fascinating stories gathered from years of private medical practice on men (and their partners) who have sought his professional help on a wide range of issues. His story-telling technique, combined with his ability to explain even the most complicated clinical issues in clear, concise fashion makes his book a pleasure to read.

I think this book can be read by both men and women. Men will learn much about themselves. Women will learn and appreciate more about men as sexual partners who are actually eager to please. Both will walk away with the potential to be better partners...or at least more informed ones. This was a great read!
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Women need to read this book!.... May 3 2013
By Lise Gallant - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Hardcover
Just finished Dr. Morgentaler's book "Why Men Fake It" and I have to say, it was the most comprehensive book I've read on male hormone replacement therapy AND on men in general! I'm not usually one to write reviews, but I had to say something!
Dr. Morgentaler is brilliant! This book answers all your questions...for both men and women!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting Work about the Male Sexual Nexis Aug. 11 2013
By Stanley Insler - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Dr Morgentaler is an engaging writer who employs an anecdotal technique to underscore his views on male sexual dysfunctions of several sorts. He makes the point that most of them are physiological, not psychological, and he explains the various approaches to solve the problems. In the course of the book, Dr Morgentaler explains in detail the various mechanisms of male sexuality and where and why they can fail. He tries to dispel wrong views (in his opinion) that most doctors harbor about treatments, especially in the realm of testosterone therapy that falsely connects the use of testosterone therapy with prostate cancer. All in all, an interesting book to read apart from the somewhat irritating self-promotional style that infuses almost every page of the work.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I found that much of what I had previously been told, WAS WRONG! July 5 2013
By Garry W. Spencer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I found the book was well written in that it easily held my attention. I found it enlightening. Unfortunately sex education is taught in the majority of schools as biology. This leaves a lot of room for conjecture and mis-information. This book deals with actual people and points out the problems with the way our perceptions are distorted by how we think we are supposed to act or how things are supposed to work. This book does a lot to clear the air. Many of the problems in relationships consists of separating opinion from scientifically proven fact. Dr Mogentaler uses his many years of research to help his patience deal with there problems. Good communication is essential in intimate relationships. I believe there is a lesson in there for all of us.

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