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It Will Never Happen to Me: Growing Up with Addiction As Youngsters, Adolescents, Adults Paperback – Mar 8 2002


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 216 pages
  • Publisher: Hazelden; Second Edition edition (March 8 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1568387989
  • ISBN-13: 978-1568387987
  • Product Dimensions: 22.9 x 15.4 x 1.4 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 363 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #78,595 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)


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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Simon Jackson on Aug. 10 2000
Format: Mass Market Paperback
Claudia Black has written extensively on the subject of Children of Alcoholics (COA) and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). In her book 'It Will Never Happen to Me' she has combined her considerable talent for jargon free language with the words and expressions of those who have experienced life as a COA/ACOA. The result is a wonderfully insightful book that will bring clarity to a great many people.
A central theme of the book is an exploration of the roles that ACOA adopt as a means of coping with the events around them - the responsible one, the adjuster, the placater and so on. Often in childhood these roles are appropriate in that they enable the child to cope with their often traumatic experiences. However, in adulthood the over-dependency on these roles can lead to obsessions, neurosis, mental health problems amongst other issues. Furthermore, in a family where alcohol is used in an unhealthy manner the child learns to 'don't talk, don't trust and don't feel'. Claudia Black gives the reader an insight in to the possibilities that exist for the adult child to break away from the scripts that have been set for them by others. The message is 'it doesn't have to be this way'.
I was the responsible child, the hero of my family. I did well at school, was good at sports, succeeded in almost all areas. I went on the University, gained a good degree, a counselling qualification and then a Masters - as an adult I was fulfilling my script to be responsible, to achieve, to be the hero. I was also in a succession of relationships where I took on the role of carer, replicating the role that had developed in my family.
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I think it's imperative for anyone who has a alcoholic parent or grandparent to read this book. I did not grow up with an alcoholic parent, but my dad did (my grandfather). My dad is a wonderful man is so many ways, but I always wondered how his own dad's addictions affected him. My dad never talks about feelings and he's never said his dad's drinking affected him negatively. I truly believe my dad thinks he's fine. Since my dad doesn't recognize the pain his father's habits had on him, I decided to find out how he could have been affected myself. Turns out that, although my dad is a sweetie in his own ways, it's not easy to have a dad who never admits to hurt or weakness, and doesn't allow you to either. He's always tough and shows little affection. I believe this has hurt me. I wished I could hug my dad, hear "I love you", call him up to chat about my ups and downs, those kinds of things. But I can't because he gets awkward. After reading this book, I now see why my dad is the way he is. It has helped me understand things much better.
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This is an excellent book for any one who has lived in an alcoholic and emotionally abusive home. It explained the mysteries of my childhood.It Will Never Happen to Me! I bought this book from Amazon.com.
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By A Customer on April 16 2004
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I read it like a month ago and it changed the way I look into my life. I recommend it to all the ones who say 'It will never happen to me'.
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By E. Sankey on April 13 2002
Format: Mass Market Paperback
Highly recomend even if you just know somone who grew up with alcohol in the family.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
Both of my parents were alcoholics, and when I read It Will Never Happen to Me in the 1980s it changed my life forever. Just this week I recommended it to yet another person. Most people I've given it to are afraid to read it, because it will bring back painful memories, but it is worth it. If some readers find the material in this book to be basic or familiar, they may not realize that it was the ground breaking book on this subject for a popular audience. All subsequent books for adult children of alcoholics owe a debt to Claudia Black.
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