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Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape Paperback – Dec 2 2008


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Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape + He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Seal Press (Dec 2 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1580052576
  • ISBN-13: 978-1580052573
  • Product Dimensions: 20.8 x 13.7 x 2.8 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 408 g
  • Average Customer Review: 1.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #97,195 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

"Of all the arguments out there that propose how to end rape, embracing women's sexual pleasure may not sound like a likely solution. But "Yes Means Yes" argues otherwise. By investigating the myriad ways the sexual choices of women can take shape, this anthology argues, not only should women know what they don't want, but they also should seize their freedom to explore what they do want. By challenging blanket claims, like that all males are sexual aggressors, and taking the shame away from females who are bona fide sexual submissives, "Yes Means Yes" says the conscious decisions we make about sex in its many forms are the best medicine for the illness that is rape culture."—"Bust Magazine" "Utopian novels have grappled with the idea of a world without rape, but what would the path to that world look like? The controversial essays that make up Yes Means Yes! light the way along this very rough road and, not surprisingly, offer no easy solutions…The authors in this collection speak with authority and, unfortunately for some, from personal experience."—"Ms. Magazine"

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10 of 16 people found the following review helpful By J. Jaeger on Jan. 12 2009
Format: Paperback
As someone who holds a degree in women's studies, and having read many books on rape, I was hopeful this book would offer the new vision on the subject promised on the cover. While there are a few (very few) interesting and entertaining essays, the majority of the book seems to be women and men recounting their first sexual experiences and ways these might have been better; hardly any groundbreaking theory there. And then there's the idea of using the non-gender specific pronouns hir and ze which, aside from sounding ridiculous, make for awkward sentence structure and difficult reading. The other issue I have with this book involves the final chapter, which is an interview with three women, who supposedly represent a comprehensive cross section of sex workers. However, all three of whom are high-paid strippers, hardly a representative sample. There is no mention of women who are trafficked, or of women who engage in sex for survival prostitution; I guess their stories are not quite so empowering. In the end, this is a book with a laudable premise which unfortunately fails to deliver anything near what its title implies."
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: 31 reviews
51 of 57 people found the following review helpful
A mans mans take on this book Feb. 6 2013
By Anonymous - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I am white, 240lb Neanderthal looking 23 yr veteran of military Special Operations, a former Pro cage fighter and exist to say the least in a testosterone laden male work environment rampant with the negative views and stereotypes on womens' sexuality one might expect. I am not sure if I am alone in my views or others just play along out of fear of being ostracized for expressing their support of womens' empowerment. This book hits the nail right on the head and articulates the societal double standards and male fear of powerful women and their comfort and equal participation in sex and their sexual choices. I have two daughters and a son and I want them all to grow up to understand that women are equal in every way and deserve to be proud, in control and free of judgement for having an opinion and say in the collaboration of sexual relations (amongst other things) with their partners. this books expresses and explains clearly the process towards this in our society. I recommend this highly.
24 of 30 people found the following review helpful
The new Bible of the sociology of gender nerd April 14 2010
By K. Gallivan - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
A heavy hitter from the feminist blogoshpere! Good mix of personal essays, prose and more academic stuff that painted a great picture of current issues, theories and ideas about consent. I was impressed by the information they had on the current social climate of gender...well documented topics such as abstinence only sex education were given a bit of spotlight but more unexpected subjects were given coverage as well. This diversity included topics such as rape of illegal Latin-American immigrants during border crossing and on how female sexuality is used in torture in Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay. Interesting stuff! I hate to say it but usually I'm not surprised by personal essays on feminism and gender anymore. This is especially true for ones that revolve around popular third wave theory...identity politics, intersectionality, gender as a social construct, consent, promiscuity and so on. I learned new ways of thinking about all these concepts though so if you're one of those sociology-of-gender-nerds that thinks you've basically already read this book, THINK AGAIN! There is an essay I want my mom to read and a couple that I want my close not-feminist friends to read. Everyone should read at least part of this book.
29 of 39 people found the following review helpful
Really Good July 15 2010
By Amazon Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
The essays in this great book are compiled and analyzed by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti and the book's structure reflects the authors' blogging experience, which makes for an incredibly helpful and original format. This book is beautifully constructed, extremely well-argued, and offers a lot of material to think about.

The authors of these essays look at the different ways in which the traditionalist approach supports and enables rape and sexual assault. The conservative gender roles that present a woman as a secondary being actually promote the culture of rape: "While right-wing groups certainly don't come out in support of rape, they do promote an extremist ideology that enables rape and promotes a culture where sexual assault is tacitly accepted. The supposedly 'pro-family' marital structure, in which sex is exchanged for support and the woman's identity is absorbed into her husband's, reinforces the idea of women as property and as simple accoutrements to a man's more fully realized existence." So when we rush to declare ourself as male property by giving up our names, careers, interests and preferences for the huge honor of belonging to a man, let us remember where this ideology comes from and where it often leads us.

The very structure of our patriarchal vision of sexuality is informed by gender stereotypes. Men are expected to want sex more than women and employ a variety of "courting" tactics in order to get sex from presumably unwilling women. Every woman knows how annoying the rhetoric of female affections that have to be 'conquered' through male effort is. From early childhood, men are taught that female 'no' doesn't really mean a final and unquestionable rejection. They are told that 'no' means maybe and that effort and perseverance can eventually turn a 'no' into a 'yes.' And this myth is precisely what leads to so many stalkings, sexuall assaults, and rapes.

I have had the misfortune of experiencing the attitude inspired by the women-need-to-be-conquered myth more times that I care to remember. It's annoying and humiliating to be the object of male attempts at winning your affections once you have indicated that you are not interested. This state of things will not change unless we revise our understanding of gender roles. Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape also points out how this vision of gender roles victimizes men: "When society equates maleness with a constant desire for sex, men are socialized out of genuine sexual decision making, and are less likely to be able to know how to say no or be comfortable refusing sex when they don't want it."

The authors of the book analyze brilliantly how rape is used as a tool of social control. Women have to feel constantly fearful of placing themselves in the public realm and abandoning the mythical safety of their home, even though that home turns into the scene of violence, assault, and rape a lot more often than the streets.
26 of 36 people found the following review helpful
Intense, inspiring, and well worth it. Feb. 25 2009
By W. Edwards - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
This book deals with intense subjects so you have to be feeling a little brave to begin reading. (At least I do!) Though without dealing with these issues head-on the book could not do what it does best: inspire you that we can work to eradicate rape and at the same time make the sex and sexuality playing field more level, fluid, communicative, and respectful of people's boundaries. Not only do these collected essays identify the problems, they also put forth ways to repair them and move forward. It's a matter of learning to live the ideas found in these pages. Not easy, but certainly within our capabilities.

I enjoyed the book's use of tags on each essay like a blog instead of grouping them in sections of similar themes as per usual in books. It makes reading the book feel more engaging because you have a say in where you go next. Under the tags at the end of each essay are other essays working with the same theme(s). I would have liked page numbers alongside these listed essays, but this is a minor quibble because I don't mind flipping a few pages. Plus, in heading back to the table of contents, you may find an essay you wish to read that shares none of the tags of the essay you just read. Dynamic reading, indeed!
9 of 13 people found the following review helpful
A book every woman and every man should read Jan. 16 2010
By K. A. Smith - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
I picked this book up sort of by accident thinking "eww, a book about sex and rape?" But this book is so much more than that, and it turns out that my reaction indicated that I was exactly the sort of person who needed to read this book. I can't believe I was so unaware of the societal pressures put on me, as a woman. Reading this book made me realize in how many ways I was unenlightened when it came to thinking about my sexuality and that of other people, and that "sex" is not a dirty word.

The best thing about this book, I think, is that it has made me think, and has broken down a lot of assumptions or beliefs that I have unconsciously absorbed simply by being a person in America. This has allowed me to expand upon and change my views. I, personally, agree with much this book has to say. I believe that male and female sexual pleasure have equal value, that young women should be empowered sexually as much as men and have the right to be the sole decision-makers when it comes to their bodies and sex, that sex-ed should be far more encompassing than "abstinence only," that lack of "no" does not mean "yes," that sex is a performance and not a transaction, and many other ideas suggested by this book.

For body confidence, for empowerment, and better sex, this is a book for every woman and every man to read. It will make you think, and question, change your views and opinions, change your behaviors, and maybe change your life, if you get past the idea that you're reading a book about sex and rape, and give it a chance. It's a good change.


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