- Hardcover: 256 pages
- Publisher: Random House; 1 edition (Sep 8 2009)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1400066328
- ISBN-13: 978-1400066322
- Product Dimensions: 16.2 x 2.3 x 24.2 cm
- Shipping Weight: 295 g
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Amazon Bestsellers Rank:
#209,793 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #59 in Books > Parenting & Families > Family Relationships > Siblings
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Product Details |
Product Description
Review
“Siblings will jump on this book to read about pigeonholing . . . power dynamics . . . and the coded messages, fond or furious, that only the person who knows you best will understand.”
—O: The Oprah Magazine
“If you have a sister, you will probably recognize every detail and laugh or cry.”
—The Daily Beast
“Tannen’s very talented ear allows her to see inside our most intense relationships using the windows of our words.”
—Baltimore Sun
“Love/hate doesn’t begin to describe the elation and heartbreak, the humor and perplexed contradictions revealed in this delightful book when sisters speak of and to each other.”
—The Philadelphia Inquirer
From the Trade Paperback edition.
Product Description
"I love her to death. I can't imagine life without her," a woman says about her sister. Another remarks, "I don't want anyone to kill my sister because I want to have that privilege myself." With these two comments, begins this eye-opening and entertaining new book.
New York Timesbestselling author Deborah Tannen is renowned for illuminating the way we communicate–and revolutionizing relationships in the process. What she did for women and men in You Just Don't Understand, and mothers and daughters in You're Wearing THAT?, she now does for sisters in a groundbreaking book that explores one of the most powerful and perplexing relationships in our lives.
Conversations between sisters reveal a deep and constant tug between two dynamics–an impulse towards closeness and an impulse towards competition, as sisters are continually compared to each other. When you're with her, you laugh your head off, and can giggle and be silly like when you were kids. But she also might be the one person who can send you into a tailspin with just one wrong word. For many women, a sister is both.
With a witty and wise voice, Tannen shares insights and anecdotes from well over a hundred women she interviewed, along with moving and funny recollections of her own two sisters. You'll come away with a profound new understanding, as well as effective techniques to improve and accessible solutions for problems in this unique and precious relationship.
New York Timesbestselling author Deborah Tannen is renowned for illuminating the way we communicate–and revolutionizing relationships in the process. What she did for women and men in You Just Don't Understand, and mothers and daughters in You're Wearing THAT?, she now does for sisters in a groundbreaking book that explores one of the most powerful and perplexing relationships in our lives.
Conversations between sisters reveal a deep and constant tug between two dynamics–an impulse towards closeness and an impulse towards competition, as sisters are continually compared to each other. When you're with her, you laugh your head off, and can giggle and be silly like when you were kids. But she also might be the one person who can send you into a tailspin with just one wrong word. For many women, a sister is both.
With a witty and wise voice, Tannen shares insights and anecdotes from well over a hundred women she interviewed, along with moving and funny recollections of her own two sisters. You'll come away with a profound new understanding, as well as effective techniques to improve and accessible solutions for problems in this unique and precious relationship.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
3.7 out of 5 stars (59 customer reviews)
33 of 33 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
More About Roles Than Conversation, Aug 27 2009
By litaddiction - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives (Hardcover)
Pre-release customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program
I enjoyed You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation and know of Tannen's other books, so was interested to see that she has sliced her studies of conversation yet another way here -- along sisterly lines in You Were Always Mom's Favorite!
It's an interesting slice since, as Tannen writes, "A sister is like yourself in a different movie, a movie that stars you in a different life." She posits that these lives revolve around a subset of sibling rivalry where sisters connect and compete in attempts to align themselves for parental love. She supports that not through strictly scientific data but rather social anecdotes -- examples pulled from literature, pop culture, and her own interviews. It's notable that I've recently read two other books that incorporate "everyman" quotes; they were clumsy in insertion and vacuous in content and frankly spoiled the works. But here, Tannen knows expertly when to summarize someone's comments, and when instead to roll seamlessly into a spot-on and memorable quote.
A couple quibbles. First, contrary to the subtitle, this book is not much about conversation. Rather, it's primarily about psychology and exploring the underlying family roles and dynamics that sometimes bubble up into verbal and nonverbal communications.
Second, Tannen leaves no stone unturned, no shade of gray unexamined. At one point, she refers to the 17 single-spaced pages of research notes she'd accumulated for one topic; I think she included every one of them in this book -- first via a complete, fully formed example, then appended with a summarizing paragraph. The wordiness and repetition grew tedious, and tolerable in doses of at most a chapter at a time. I actually think an audio version would be a better fit for Tannen's smooth, conversational (!) style, and would make any repetition feel reinforcing rather than frustrating.
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Helped Me Figure Out my Wife!, Aug 18 2009
By N. Bilmes "bookaholic" - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives (Hardcover)
Pre-release customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program
My wife's relationships with her sisters drive me absolutely bonkers. One day/month/year they're best friends who do lots of things together, and the next second/minute/hour they're arch enemies who can't agree on anything. Deborah Tannen's book is an entertaining look at the dynamics of sister-sister conversations, and although it doesn't explain everything I'd like to know about why my wife and her two sisters act the way they do, it at least let me know that there are lots of other sisters out there who act just as bizarrely.
I recommend this for anyone who wants support in trying to negotiate this minefield.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Another Insightful Book from Deborah Tannen, July 30 2009
By Emily Glickman "Abacus Guide Educational Cons... - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives (Hardcover)
Pre-release customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program
I loved Tannen's book about mothers and daughters in conversation, so I had to read her latest, about sisters. If you have a sister or daughters I think you will find this book enjoyable and useful. It's interesting that sisters' conversational themes are so universal that Tannen can analyze them.
Most helpfully, Tannen addresses why sisters compete. She gives parents tips about how to minimize sisters' rivalry and adult sisters advice about how not to get riled up about old childhood baggage.
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