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Zombie Massacre [Blu-ray] [Import]

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 19 reviews
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
A Tedious And Unimaginative Zombie Endeavor: Not Even Smart Enough To Be Dumb Fun Aug. 2 2013
By K. Harris - Published on
Format: Blu-ray
When Italian filmmakers Marco Ristori and Luca Boni made their first full length zombie feature "Eaters," they shopped for a big name to help promote it. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, depending on how you look at it), their appeal was picked up by the infamous Uwe Boll. If you don't know who Boll is, he is widely cited as one of the worst directors cranking out movies today and his name is like catnip to lovers of bad movie mayhem. While he had nothing to do with "Eaters" aside from lending his name to the release, he takes a full producing credit on their follow-up "Zombie Massacre." Now, I was no big fan of "Eaters." But it had some moments of inspired lunacy and elicited a chuckle or two, so I ended up giving it a 2 star review. You'd think that with that experience under their belt, their next offering would be a noticeable improvement! Unfortunately, the opposite is true. Instead, "Zombie Massacre" must surely rank as one of the most uninspired and slowest monster movies of the year. Making zombies utterly tedious must be hard to accomplish, but the filmmakers were certainly up to the task with a complete lack of imagination or style.

For some inexplicable reason, "Zombie Massacre" was shot in English (Eaters was Italian, as I mentioned). Most of the cast, however, does not seem to employ English as a primary language. No big deal, really, except many are supposed to be American. In the depth of the Romanian countryside, there's an over-the-top Alabama tourist? Book me that vacation! Members of the CIA, military, and even the President himself struggle mightily and painfully to hide accents. I think this language barrier was one of the most devastating hindrances to the movie. When people spoke to one another, the cadence and rhythm was so slow and unnatural that it ground the movie to a halt. And there is a lot of talking in this picture! Way too much, really. After a promising first scene, it takes a full 30 minutes (of a 90 minute movie) to see another zombie. The screenplay is heavy on dialogue and exposition, but the film is not nearly complex enough to need so much set-up.

I really wish that "Zombie Massacre" fell into the "so bad, it's good" category. Unfortunately, it's so boring. After a mysterious outbreak in Romania, an elite team is sent in to nuke the city and its surrounding area. After setting the bomb, they have a short time to escape the blast zone. Sound exciting? They stop every two minutes to talk and talk and talk, never seeming to have much in the way of survival instinct. Even this might be fun if the zombies were of any interest. Poorly made up and badly executed, they aren't scary, dangerous, or even humorous. Some (but not all) even have on strange rubber suits, apparently turning into a zombie altered their basic biology. I don't even want to make it sound funny, it's not entertaining in any way. Of course, the zombie outbreak is tied to corrupt Americans and it's up to the heroes to spread the truth. But trust me, you won't care. I love bad movies, I have fun with bad movies. For me, "Zombie Massacre" ranks with the lowest of the low--not even smart enough to be dumb fun. KGHarris, 8/13.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
PROJECT K Aug. 31 2013
By The Movie Guy - Published on
Format: DVD
The CIA has an accident at a secret facility in Rojznov, Romania. The town has turned into zombies and are effectively quarantined. Their plan is not to use drones or tanks to kill the residents, but rather utilize 3 mercenaries and a jailed military man (all from the Steven Seagal School of Fine Acting) to plant a small nuclear device near the nuclear power plant. This is supposed to wipe out the zombies while making their killing look like an accident irregardless of the fact power plants don't explode and make mushroom clouds.

On the plus side, the zombie make-up was great. They used some metal music to make it into a grindhouse style. Besides plot holes you could drive a tank through, the acting was extremely sad. Why did the US president (Uwe Boll) sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger? Was that an insider's joke? Outside of the make-up, the film was less than Asylum grade. As bad as our foursome were in acting, I must give a shout out to Carl Wharton (General Carter) who made them all look good. He was worse than emotionless.

The film might have some camp value and perhaps worth the rental price to hardcore zombie fans. Not a keeper. 3 stars because I did enjoyed some of the stupidity of the plot, bad acting, and Uwe Boll as POTUS.

Parental Guide: F-bombs. No sex. "third reel" token nudity (Marissa Chang, Anelita Di Carlo, Veronica Spagnuolo)

Warning: Also released under the title "Apocalypse Z"
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Not even worth it even if it was free!! Dec 10 2013
By Rick Rasor - Published on
Format: Blu-ray Verified Purchase
One star is an overstatement for this movie. I am a big zombie movie fan and I realize that many zombie movies are low budget and never destined to be classical works of art but this is the worst Zombie movie that I have ever seen. It is actually one of the worst movies in general that I ever attempted to watch. The plot is non-existent and the actors are untalented and boring to say the least. I could not even finish the movie. I chucked it in the trash.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
A Curmudgeon Review Nov. 24 2013
By Greg Kingsley - Published on
Verified Purchase
Friends, how could a zombie movie have so much right with so much wrong? Make-up effects were pretty good. These zombies are of a bacterialogical warfare variety. (no head shots needed) We have a nuclear plant that is slated to be nuked to rid the area of the zombies and some mercenaries are to set the bomb and get out of there. Merc's are a hard lot, muscle guy leader, bad a$$ sword woman, bomb guy and his backup that had a name, but to it will always be dead meat. This is Romania, yet all of the characters speak English. The redneck that arrives later in the show sounds almost totally authentic except for the small tendacy to end his sentences with Queens English. Parts had me laughing and I am sure it was not intentional. They are supposed to be in this big dang hurry, yet they stop every chance they get to talk about little. Post production seemed to me to piece some parts of the movie out of sequence. They start out with little ammo (?) Later near the end-they take out some bad soldiers and leave their full weapons. I forgot to mention how the over-the-top boss that hired the mercs betrays them instantly. Not really a spoiler as that is predictable.
Check out the cool rides the mercs use to escape in. At the very end-there are nakid women-so if you don't like the movie-just ff to the end. ENJOY!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Avoid at all costs! Aug. 31 2013
By Tommyboy67 - Published on
Format: Blu-ray Verified Purchase
This is a prime example of wasted acting talents.
With my review,I hope to save some people some money by advising them against this s***ty movie.

Its a story about an American 2 Scots and an Arab (sounds like the start of a bad joke) who have to set a bomb in a nuclear facility and get out so Jack Stone (main character) can be reunited with his daughter. One of the Scots is a female Ninja that wears way too much makeup (Scottish Ninja......REALLY?!) and they......yada yada yada......Don't waste your time. But about the worst is the ending scene where bit tit women come out of the swimming pool that turned into zombies and attack the guys at the pool. Did I miss something there? That scene didn't fit with the rest of the so-called plot and script. And speaking of something that didn't fit, the hillbillies on vacation with their hippie van.

I do like the actors in this movie but the 2 guys whom wrote this crap needs to find other work because this obviously isn't the best thing ever. In fact,its in my top 10 worst movies I've ever seen.

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