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5.0 out of 5 stars
Understanding the cycle, Jan 10 2001
This book outlines the well-documented psychological cycle that keeps women in abusive relationships: 1) period of slight tension 2) escalating tension 3) explosion, attack of mental and/or physical abuse 4) Honeymoon period: the perpetrator is sincerely apologetic, regrets his actions, often plys the victim with gifts and promises of "never again." 5) see 1This works very, very well because a person who is traumatized is temporarily desperate for love. They crave comfort from any source - even the perp. Her vulnerability (following an attack) coincides with the abuser's promises and hugs. She gives him another chance. This same dynamic occurs with kidnappers & hostages, as I'm sure you've heard. The key to ensnaring the victim is a slow escalation. Most women, hit out of the blue, will be angry and leave. If their relationship progresses through mild verbal controls, etc, grabbing an arm, then slowly to a severe shaking... you can see how the cycle asserts itself gradually. It's that damn frog again: Drop one in a boiling pot and it'll leap out. Place it in cool water and heat it up slowly and it will sit there until boiled to death. Some people feel they have too much invested (a child, time, etc) to leave. Others have been abused or witnessed similar behavior with their parents, and may on a deep level think it's normal. Very sad. The bad news about the escalation is that it almost never stops. Abuse, once started, continues until the victim leaves or is killed. Women who feel they can't leave tend to fight back with deadly force when a new boundry has been crossed: The first time he touches the daughter, for example.
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