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Talking with Young Children about Adoption
 
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Talking with Young Children about Adoption (Paperback)

by Ms. Mary Watkins (Author), Dr. Susan Fisher M.D. (Author)
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
List Price: CDN$ 21.25
Price: CDN$ 15.51 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over CDN$ 39. Details
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Frequently Bought Together

Talking with Young Children about Adoption + Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft + Raising Adopted Children, Revised Edition
Total List Price: CDN$ 55.25
Price For All Three: CDN$ 41.39

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  • This item: Talking with Young Children about Adoption by Ms. Mary Watkins

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  • Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best

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Product Details


Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

This book, designed to help adoptive parents, as well as professional counselors and therapists, deal with questions youngsters ask about their adoption, contains revealing conversations between parents and their children, aged two to 10, from 20 families of all kinds--single, lesbian and interracial, among them. Psychologist Watkins ( Waking Dream ) and psychoanalyst Fisher (coauthor of To Do No Harm ) are themselves adoptive mothers. Stressing that "the adoptive family integrates diversity," and that "children come into families in different ways," the authors seek to prepare parents to acquaint children with their origins through frank talk, stories and play. The children's contribution in the book shows them ready to face reality, for the most part; their comments are probing, humorous and touching.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.


Book Description

Current wisdom holds that adoptive parents should talk with their child about adoption as early as possible. But no guidelines exist to prepare parents for the various ways their children might respond when these conversations take place. In this wise and sympathetic book, a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist, both adoptive mothers, discuss how young children make sense of the fact that they are adopted, how it might appear in their play, and what worries they and their parents may have. Accounts by twenty adoptive parents of conversations about adoption with their children, from ages two to ten, graphically convey what the process of sharing about adoption is like.

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Customer Reviews

8 Reviews
5 star:
 (6)
4 star:    (0)
3 star:
 (1)
2 star:
 (1)
1 star:    (0)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
4.4 out of 5 stars (8 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most helpful customer reviews

 
5.0 out of 5 stars Authoritative and enlightening, Sep 27 2003
Both authors instilled confidence in me because they themselves are adoptive mothers and are seeing the issue from the inside out. I wish I had had a book such as this when we adopted our child in 1969 at age 4 days. I was completely in the dark as to when and how to tell our little girl about her adoption. I only knew that she had to be told and presumed that it should be as early as possible. Watkins's and Fisher's book give the adoptive parent(s) helpful guidelines in understanding (anticipating) the young adoptee's questions and concerns and are encouraged to be as natural as possible talking to their children any time the children bring up the topic. I would like mention one research study that tells us when we can expect adoptees truly to understand the notions of birth and adoption. In their book, Openness in Adoption, Exploring Family Connections, Harold D. Grotevant and Ruth G. McRoy found that the mean age of children NOT understanding the meaning of adoption is 5.8, age range 4.9-8.8; the mean age of children fusing the two concepts of adoption and birth is 6.4, age range 4.7-9.6; only at the mean age of 7.5, age range 4.7-12.9, do children clearly differentiate between adoption and birth as alternative paths to parenthood and accept that the adoptive family relationship is permanent, but do not understand why; children at a mean age of 8.9, age range 5.4-11.9, differentiate between adoption and birth but are unsure about the permanence of the adoptive parent-child relationship. The children at this age fear that the natural parents might reclaim them. At the mean age of 9.5, age range 6.6-12.6 the children vaguely understand that their relationship with their adoptive parents is permanent because a judge, lawyer, doctor or social worker signed some papers. Only at the mean age of 10.5, age range 8.0-12.1, is the adoption relationship fully understood with its characterized permanency.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?
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3.0 out of 5 stars good for anyone adopting, Jul 9 2002
By A Customer
Well, I had gotten through almost half of the book and was about to stop reading it when it started to get better. The first half was a bunch of detailed psychological text book information that, for the most part, I did not agree with or care about- not much fact- just opinions. The second part did save it giving detailed examples and stories of real people and their adopted children: how to communicate to the children, how children communicate about their adoption, feelings of adoptees and adoptive parents, what children might be concerned about at different ages, etc. I would definitely say that it is a good book to refer to when communicating to young children.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Read ASAP if you have an adopted baby or child!, April 8 2002
By Tonya S. Blanchford "tblanchford" (Rochester Hills, MI) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
In my opinion, you can't read this book too early. As a matter of fact, the earlier the better.

The first thing I realized in reading this book is how young the children are/can be when they start talking and asking questions about their adoption. They're beginning around the age of three in many cases! Our son is 15 months old now and I thought I'd have several years to read this book when in reality I need to be introducing him to the word "adoption" and other phrases about our adopting him now so that he's familiar with the words by the time he can understand them.

The book gives numerous stories of children and how they ask questions and talk about their adoption. What things are important to them to know. How they talk to their friends about adoption. How we as parents need to be truthful right from the very beginning. Explaining why the parents look different from the child. Talking about their tummy-mommy and who she is and why she let someone else adopt him/her. And how the children like to act out the day their parents first saw them (hundreds of times!) and how to deal with that when the child wants to alter the story.

It also addresses the issue of parents who decide not to tell their children about adoption.

This book will give adoptive parents ideas on how to talk (what to say exactly) to their children when they ask some difficult questions. Kids are smart! They ask thorough questions about their adoption and many times they'll ask the questions years before we think they will.

This book has helped me to prepare for my son's questions, whenever they come, and has helped me to see that it's okay to be "freaked out" at the idea of talking to him about it. It's put my mind at ease because now I have a better sense of what to say and how to say it. When to say it is up to your child. We don't have a lot of choice in the matter. When they want to know, they want to know! Or they may think we're hiding something bad from them. This book will help you along the path of discussion and prepare you for some questions and feelings your adopted child may have.

Excellent book for all adoption situations!

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Most recent customer reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars THINGS TO THINK ABOUT FOR ALL ADOPTIVE PARENTS
As an adoptive parent, I have read lots of material about how to talk about adoption with my child. It was all well and good to practice what I was going to say, but the other... Read more
Published on Aug 31 2001

2.0 out of 5 stars Not for everyone
Some of the information and approaches were helpful. However, the book reads like a vanity publication, i.e. Read more
Published on Oct 14 2000

5.0 out of 5 stars A valuable book for all adoptive parents.
Talking with your children about adoption is a potentially difficult, emotive and fraught task. This book provides examples of the types of questions that children might ask at... Read more
Published on Sep 2 1999

5.0 out of 5 stars a "must read" for any parents of adopted children
My son was adopted at birth nearly 5 years ago. when I set out to find a book that would guide me through the many questions I knew would be coming my way, both from him and... Read more
Published on Feb 22 1999 by bonnieb@optonline.net

5.0 out of 5 stars This is must-read for all adoptive parents!
This is a marvelous book with great information about disussing adoption with young children. Our daughter is just 4 years old, adopted 2 years ago from Russia, and has suddenly... Read more
Published on Nov 11 1998

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