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2.0 out of 5 stars
Stephen King on autopilot, April 30 2004
Stephen King is a great storyteller. He comes up with a simple conflict between a group of characters and something powerfully evil, the he gives you just enough information to keep you turning the pages. As soon as he explains the last hint, he's given you a new one. The story unfolds at the perfect pace and you don't want to stop reading.But when he begins the story with a bad premise --- a conflict between ordinary people and something that ISN'T SCARY --- his storytelling ability just isn't enough. This book has four examples of Stephen King at his worst, trying to scare you with bad ideas like hungry red beachballs that eat reality
a stalker who wants to kill the writer who plagiarized him
a librarian from Hell
a haunted Polaroid camera Then add a string of characterizations that would get a creative writing student kicked out of class. A British character, for example, talks about 'bobbies,' tea time, and the IRA. Can you say 'stereotype'? Then there's the guy in The Library Policeman who tells his tale of being seduced by a demon librarian and paying for it by drinking a lot of beer for the next twenty years. It has to be the worst excuse for alcoholism I've ever heard. Add the strange reference to red licorice (which somehow hurts demon librarians), the Library Policeman who talks with a terrifying lisp (I'm not kidding), and a camera that summons a demon dog if you take too many pictures. Wow, this is a BAD book. Worst of all is Stephen King's obsession with broken marriages. If a character gets divorced, his life goes into a tailspin. King describes his grief in great detail, as if ending a marriage is the most devastating blow a person can experience. If you want to chart the decline of Stephen King, this book marks the beginning of his worst period. His first five or six books were written in a unique all-American style, and the stories were so well-told that he turned the horror genre into a minor book industry. Then he decided that every idea he came up with --- no matter how boring or mundane --- could be turned into a terrifying threat. This guy looks at his toaster and thinks "I've got a GREAT idea for a new book. The Toaster from Hell!" Avoid this book. If you have to read Stephen King, go back to the novels that were based on scary ideas: vampires, a haunted hotel, the end of the world. If you read this, you'll just read the work of a man who has run out of ideas, but still has enthusiasm for telling stories. You'll laugh long before anything scares you.
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