Heart of Tardis (Mass Market Paperback)

The two sets of Doctor/companion pairings bear no relation to the characters (and actors) we remember from TV. The plot makes no sense, being a treatise on quantum physics written in crayon by a guy who just wants to stick big words together. There are references galore to other, better books and TV series -- part of this confusing mess of a novel takes place in the Springfield of "The Simpsons". For humor value only.

There are, in the midst of the morass, some nice jokes: Victoria, a sheltered 19th century girl, hears gangsta rap for the first time. The hammy Fourth Doctor overacts wildly in a room full of dusty furniture. A bookstore's shelves are overflowing with "Star Trek" novels.

But don't take my word for how bad this book is. Here, free of charge, is some sample prose: "as much relation to the truth as a toboggan does to a small tub of weasel cheese", "set to tear reality apart like a rotten walrus", " as the data-stream linkages between two computer networks have to a toaster plugged into a power outlet...", and of course "as similar to that of human recollection as the sound of a tuba is similar to a monkey in a little hat."

The book is unreadable. Please continue to support the "Doctor Who" line by reading the works of other authors.

Like all the other reviewers, I agree that Dave Stone slaps two incarnations of the Doctor in a story that does not match up with the back-cover timeline suggested.

The story picks up with the 4th Doctor and Romana clearly off the search for the Key to Time. It serves no real purpose other than to get the Doctor and Romana I involved in this novel. The pacing of the novel never quite seems to fit the action going on.

Mr. Stone thanks some friends who helped him in fleshing out Patrick Troughton's character. There's our first problem. If Mr. Stone wasn't sure how the character was supposed to act, why choose him? The characterization suffers greatly throughout this novel. Even the 4th incarnation of the Doctor isn't quite right.

A vast majority of the novels in this series manage to at least capture some essence of the Doctor. "Heart of Tardis" does not. It's a very long journey with no real pay-off.

The writing style leaves a lot to be desired as well. I found "Rabid old trout" to be an odd description for the Prime Minister. It just didn't fit the novel.

Even the homage to my second favorite British TV show, "The Professionals", could not save this novel. The possibilities of these two particular incarnations meeting was absolutely squandered. Maybe at the hands of another author within this series, the two can truly meet up again for an adventure of substance.

To quote Crow T. Robot from the aforementioned MST3K: "This is bad. Bad, bad, bad. Bad to the bone, bad. Born under a bad sign bad."

When I say, run.... RUN AWAY from this installment.