How Much For Just the Planet? (Mass Market Paperback)

Those who hate the book will make any number of claims why - it's not funny, it's blatant character rape, he shouldn't have done it without the "Permission of the Great Bird of the Galaxy." What it boils down to is, they probably don't appreciate the humor, think that the ability to whip up a filk version of "Pop Goes the Weasle" makes them qualified to judge musical parody, and are upset because this book violates every one of their sacred cows and sets them out to dry. And it does so in an unapologetic, yet completely harmless manner.

One of this book's critics made the point that the book fails because it fails to tell a serious story. Not so. It's just easy to miss, if you're being too literal-minded. When you get right down to it, the basic plot of this novel is as formulaic as they come. Kirk et al land on a planet hoping to obtain its valuable mineral resources for the Federation. The Klingons do the same. They curse and swagger for a while. The residents of the planet, meanwhile, desiring to be part of neither the Federation nor the Empire, have their own way of discouraging the two sides from fighting...and so it goes.

The "point" of this novel that so many people seem to be missing is that the crew of the Enterprise and the Klingons are more alike than they are different. They have personal interests which don't often get brought up in old series episodes, where it is strictly "us" versus "them" where human-klingon relations are concerned. And if you take a randomly-chosen crew of humans and a randomly-chosen crew of klingons, it is entirely likely that there is going to be some overlap. They might even <gasp> GET ALONG. Admittedly, there are going to be prejudices and cultural differences to overcome. The fact that Ford did not bludgeon us over the head with this message doesn't make it any the less valid. And the fact that he chose to present it in a humorous way which played a bit fast and loose with some of our assumptions doesn't either.

Guys, You're entitled to your opinions. But before you crawl back into your shell of fandom, pick up a copy of "Bimbos of the Death Sun" by Sharyn McCrumb and read it. And THINK about it.

As for the rest of us, who haven't elevated Gene Roddenbury to deity status yet, who saw "Free Enterprise" and laughed at it, and who Like or LOVE Star Trek without seeing it as a way of life (yup...I'm FIJAGH all the way, folks...) this novel is a delightful change of pace from the formulaic drivel that makes up the vast majority of published Trek literature.

"How Much for Just the Planet?" by author John M. Ford continues this tradition in style. This is Ford's second (and apparently last) STAR TREK novel, following up his outstanding "The Final Reflection." But, unlike that deadly serious book, Ford boldly takes us where no TREK novel has gone before, the final frontier of humour.

The plotline begins quite conventionally, with Kirk et al of the USS Enterprise making their way to the planet Direidi, a treasure trove of dilithium (crystals vital for warp travel) to represent the United Federation of Planets. The problem is that representatives of the Klingon Empire are also on-planet negotiating for mineral rights. Even more disturbing is that the indigenous population of the planet is behaving just a little bit, well...funny.

The rest of the story is a humourous adventure of mistaken identity, valuable mcguffins, mass distraction, misplaced jealousy, Gilbert & Sullivan songs, paranoid computers, peppermint flavored Vulcan milkshakes and yes, a pie fight.

The difficulty in reading "How Much For Just the Planet?" comes from the problem of trying to convey timing through the written word. Most of the impact of comedy comes not from the written word, but from the timing in the delivery. (This is likely why no other TREK novel has followed the humourous course.) It is not enough to simply read the text in this novel, you have to actively imagine how the actors (Shatner, et al) would precisely respond in their roles. You have to take your knowledge of how they've responded in the past, in TV episodes or movies, and actively integrate it into this story. This could be difficult to do even for a real TREK fan.

But for those willing to put the effort into it, "How Much For Just the Planet?" is an extremely rewarding novel. It's a pity that Ford seems uninterested in writing another TREK novel, as this one and "The Final Reflection" (the only TREK novel that I'd argue counts as real literature) shows a willingness to play with the franchise and break out of the conventional and boring approaches to STAR TREK in almost all the other books.