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Mars and Venus Starting Over [Abridged] (Audio Cassette)

by John Gray (Author, Narrator)

4.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (30 customer reviews)

Price:	CDN$ 26.50 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over CDN$ 39. Details
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This item: Mars and Venus Starting Over by John Gray
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Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray
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Product Details

Audio Cassette
Publisher: HarperCollins Canada / Audio; Abridged edition (Jun 18 1998)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0694519766
ISBN-13: 978-0694519767
Product Dimensions: 18.1 x 11.5 x 2.1 cm
Shipping Weight: 155 g

Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (30 customer reviews)

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This item is part of The Mars and Venus Series.

Product Description

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A breakup, divorce, or loss of a loved one isn't just the end of your relationship with that person. It's a continuation of every feeling of abandonment you've ever suffered. It's the loss of a system of approval you'd come to depend on. The struggle, as Gray points out in Starting Over, isn't just to find a new partner, but to get over those feelings of abandonment or loss or anger or whatever else gets dredged up by the end of a relationship.

Perhaps the book's most crucial chapter posits that the best way to get over the loss of love is to focus on the "love" more than the "loss." That may seem impossible, especially if the bum took off with your best friend, your life savings, and your Lyle Lovett CDs, but Gray didn't get to be a household name because the advice in his Venus and Mars books doesn't work. Remembering only the bad parts, Gray says, leaves you with an important part of your emotional being closed to new business.

As for the Venus and Mars stuff, that comes in the second half of the book, when Gray looks at how men and women start new relationships from different points of view, with different priorities (a man might want to have fun with no strings attached; a woman might carry with her a lengthy list of requirements for her next partner, a list that excludes virtually all available men).

If you've never read Gray's work before, you have to be prepared to check your cynicism at the door. This is earnest stuff, but it's also based on decades of experience counseling clients. He's not one of those photogenic, nine-times-divorced shrinklets who's telling you how to conduct your relationships without any real clue of what makes love last. This is the real package: nothing glib, nothing quick and easy, nothing you could've figured out from a "Love Is..." cartoon. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Description

MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS, BUT THE PAIN OF STARTING OVER IS UNIVERSAL.

When we lose a love, it seems as if the world has truly come to an end. We feel that we'll never recover, never fall in love again, and perhaps never again feel the joy life used to provide. And as distressing as these feelings are, they are actually quite useful - an integral part of the healing process we must experience in order to be whole and ready to love again. As Dr. John Gray tells us, by shutting down the feelings of hurt, pain, and loneliness, we are actually hindering our recovery.

Now with his extraordinary insight and wisdom, Dr. Gray, bestselling author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, explores the process of starting over after the loss of a love relationship, examining how men and women respond differently, and which kind of reactions foster healing, growth and openness to love'and which ones keep us closed off and unable to share our love.

For anyone who has ever experienced the pain and loss of separation, Dr. Gray's brilliant work will open your eyes to the behavioral patterns that have kept you from moving on, and show you the way to open your heart once again to the joy and love that you want, need - and deserve.

Read by the author.

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	46% buy the item featured on this page: Mars and Venus Starting Over 4.0 out of 5 stars (30) CDN$ 26.50
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Customer Reviews

30 Reviews

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(5)

Average Customer Review

4.0 out of 5 stars (30 customer reviews)

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Most helpful customer reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If you fit into any of the categories, rush to get this book, Nov 10 2003

By	Blaine Greenfield "eclectic reader" (Belle Meade, NJ) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER) (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Mars & Venus Starting Over (Paperback)

Heard and enjoyed the taped version of MARS AND VENUS STARING
OVER by John Gray . . . the subtitle says it all: "A Practical Guide
for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce or the Loss of
a Loved One."

If anybody finds himself or herself in any of those categories, then
rush out to get this book (or the tapes) . . . you'll find a lot of
useful advice.

The first third is general information . . . Gray then presents material
relevant to women first, men second . . . I found the latter section
particularly valuable for what it had to say to me.

Among the ideas that I got from listening:
* The three steps for healing a broken bone are: getting help, resetting
the bone, and them giving it time to heal by protecting the bone in
a cast. In a similar way, the three steps for healing the heart are:
Step One: Getting help
Step Two: Grieving the loss
Step Three: Becoming whole before getting involved again

* [the four healing emotions]
Healing Emotion 1: Anger
Feeling then releasing anger reconnects us to our passion for love and life.

Healing Emotion 2: Sadness
Feeling and then releasing sadness opens our hearts to fell the sweetness
of love once again

Healing Emotion 3: Fear
Feeling and then releasing fear provides the ability to discern what we need
and can depend on now.

Healing Emotion 4: Sorrow
Feeling and then releasing sorrow provides the ability to discern what is
possible.

* Another way to process the four healing emotions is simply to ask
yourself these four questions. Often men find this an easier approach
in the beginning. By answering these questions, our healing emotions
automatically begin to come up. While answering these questions,
give yourself permission to feel anger, sadness, fear, sorrow, and any
other similar feelings.
1. What happened?
2. What didn't happen?
3. What could happen?
4. What can't happen?

If you wish to explore a little deeper, there are a few more questions you can
ask and answer.

QUESTION ONE
What happened that you didn't want to happen?
What is happening that you don't want to happen?
What has happened that you do not like?

QUESTION TWO
What didn't happen that you wanted to happen?
What is not happening that you want to happen?
What should have happened?

QUESTION THREE
What could happen that you don't want to happen?
What is important to you?
What could happen that you want to happen?

QUESTION FOUR
What can't happen that you want to happen?
What can't happen that you wish could have happened?
What can happen that you want to happen?

By asking these four questions or practicing the three parts of the feeling
better exercise, you will be better prepared to heal the waves of feeling
that come from your loss. With this technique, you will be able to remember
your partner without having to get stuck in painful feelings. With this insight
and ability, you are free to stay in touch with your feelings and complete
the healing process.

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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful guide, worth reading and rereading, Oct 21 2002

By	Robert Groover - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Mars & Venus Starting Over (Paperback)

Many books about divorce get as far as "this is a trauma" and "don't hurt the kids," and maybe give you the standard "positive thinking" advice -
but this book goes into emotional machinery, and how to really grow and not just cope.

There is much more to this book than a quick blurb can suggest, but one main point is: There are four negative emotions which need to be recognized in dealing with a major loss. These are fear, anger, sadness, and sorrow (grieving for hopes that are now impossible). It is easy to get stuck in one or two of these four, but the one of these we are not aware of is likely to be the hidden hook which is holding us back.

He also has a great many practical observations about ways rebounding men and women injure ourselves and others - the first one is that men tend to get involved too soon, and women too late.

This is a pop-psychology/self-help book, but don't underrate it - it's got enough to say (at least for divorced people) that I've reread it three times in the last month.
---------------

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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Saved My Life., Jun 29 2001

By	Mona Gracen (New York State, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One (Hardcover)

This book was very helpful for me when I went through a terrible period. I recommend it to anyone who is either going through a break up or a loss. It really helps to get in touch with all of your emotions - especially anger (which is sometimes very difficult to reach) - and get through the situation. I think I would have stumbled along aimlessly much longer had it not been for this book. I was able to let go of so much guilt, anger and sorrow. That was several years ago, and now the entire incident is behind me. If you need some help getting through something painful, please read this book - also get some professional help if you can - but definitely read this book.

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