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1.0 out of 5 stars
How to Write Like Terry Goodkind, July 3 2004
By A Customer
Want to get your own stories published, no matter how bad your plot? It's easy! If Terry Goodkind could do it, you can too. Here are his secrets:To design characters: Make up names, give them different clothes and genders, and then make sure they all act the same. All should be incredibly stubborn, to the point of abandoning any sense of self-preservation. For conversations that will flesh out your flimsy plot: All of your stubborn characters should argue with each other for as long as possible before any progress is made. For example: "I intend to raid the castle."
"All by yourself? That's stupid!"
"Stupid it may be, but I plan to raid the castle."
"You'll be killed!"
"No, I won't. Stop trying to delay me."
"I have to delay you, because otherwise, you'll be killed!"
"No I won't!"
"Yes you will!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
[Two pages later:]
"Guards! Lock her up! I'm going to raid that castle now."
"Yessir!" This works especially well if, like Goodkind, you seem to have some sort of power/control complex and an obvious interest in BDSM. No matter how pointless the argument, if you throw in some women in skin-tight leather with flails, you'll be guaranteed the "Gor" audience, at least. Occasionally you may write something that seems profoundly emotional to you. It might not be so obvious to your readers, though, so make sure they understand emotional states by using repetition:
"I'm going to kill her. Just give me the chance, and I'll cut her to pieces. I am filled with wrath. I'll strike her down on this very spot. Her blood will flow across the floor, because I'm so angry, I'm going to kill her." Etc. This litany may be interrupted with dialogue, so make sure to resume and repeat it in different ways until the reader gets the point. Punctuation: Don't worry about it. No matter how many punctuation marks are missing, the readers can still figure out basically what you've said. Plot twists: A really good plot twist requires lots of unnecessary confusion leading to things that would have happened anyway. (Seriously! Think about it!) Once you're sure that no sane person could unravel your bizarre reasoning behind dancing around the otherwise predictable plot, then congratulations! You can now write like Terry Goodkind. Good luck!
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by Terry Goodkind
by Terry Goodkind
by Terry Goodkind
by Terry Goodkind
by Terry Goodkind
