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How to Be a Canadian (Even if You Already Are One)
 
 

How to Be a Canadian (Even if You Already Are One) (Paperback)

by Will Ferguson (Author), Ian Ferguson (Author) "The natural habitat of Canadians is the shopping mall ..." (more)
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)

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How to be a Canadian. Don't worry: here, the phrase is not punctuated by the usual soul-searching question mark. Instead, the Ferguson brothers boldly assert that, since they have both been Canadian their whole lives, they are uniquely qualified to dissect Canadian society. Besides, Margaret Atwood told them to do this book, but that's another story.

As a guidebook, How to Be a Canadian contains "a wealth of information gathered from fact-filled articles that [the authors] sort of remember reading somewhere," but frankly, the facts are there as a framework for a wicked sense of humour. The jokes, which fill every page, are sometimes juvenile: "There are 30,000,000 people in Canada-- all of whom have, at some point, frozen their tongues to the side of a flagpole." They are sometimes pointedly amusing: "Often, when the UN needs a cereal box translated, they call in the Canadians, who parachute out of stealth bombers clutching boxes of Capitaine Crounche." And they are often laugh-out-loud, fall-out-of-bed funny: "There is the assumption that Canada has only two seasons: Winter and Not Winter...In fact, Canada has no fewer than six distinct seasons: Tax; Hockey; More Hockey; Still More Hockey; Summer (also known as the July Long Weekend); and finally Good God, Isn't the Hockey Season Over by Now?!"

Will and Ian Ferguson divide their guidebook into such useful sections as How to Find Canada on a Map; Canada: A Rich Tapestry (Who to Hate and Why); and my personal favourite, Twelve Ways to Say "I'm Sorry." Nothing defines the national character more than our "sorry," especially vis-a-vis the Americans. As the authors point out, "once you learn how to properly say 'I'm sorry,' you will no longer be trying to become Canadian, you will have rewired your brain to such a degree that you will actually be Canadian." For a true Canadian, the opportunities for saying "I'm sorry" are endless, but there is one uniquely Canadian "sorry": the one you use when someone else steps on your foot.

The book concludes with a quiz designed to evaluate your level of Canadianness. For example, if you hear the name "Elvis" and think of figure skating, you get 1 point. If you can't remember if you've ever curled or not, because of how drunk you were, you get 50 points. If you know the words to "Barrett's Privateers" but not the national anthem, you get 10 points. And so on. The perfect score is zero points; I'll let the Fergusons explain why: "So, you couldn't even be bothered to do the damn quiz. Too much effort, eh? You just skipped to the end. Talk about slack. Talk about lazy. Talk about Canadian! Congratulations. You are now one of us." --Marven Krug



Douglas Coupland

Will and Ian are very funny and very Canadian, and yes, these two

categories overlap beautifully. --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.


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The natural habitat of Canadians is the shopping mall. Read the first page
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22 Reviews
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4.6 out of 5 stars (22 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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32 of 33 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A must have for anyone who has a Canadian Friend..., Jun 30 2002
By Steve H. MacDowall (Moncton, New Brunswick Canada) - See all my reviews
You must be able to honestly look at our Canadianism, with an open mind, and a quirky, humorous attitude to peruse this book. If you think Canadian's are, just perfect, do not even open this book, as it will just upset you.
However, if like me, you love to revel in our differences, and laugh at our little idiosyncrasies, you will enjoy this, sometimes subtle, and sometimes very, in your face mock at the Canadian species.
Brothers Will and Ian Ferguson somehow get away with saying the most outrages things...
"If Canadians were porridge, Goldilocks would find us just right" In describing Canada's newest northern territory, Nunavut ..... "the world's most expensive guilt trip"
They describe the official emblem of Vancouver as an umbrella turned inside out. With an activist chained to it. Drinking a latte.
They give equal opportunity in their ridicule to all parts of the country.
They offer the "Twelve Ways to Say I'm Sorry"
The Ferguson Brothers, both comedy writers of other venues, have joined together to create this very funny, impertinent account of the Canadian life way. And it's good.
Steve MacDowall
Thursday File
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The best Ferguson book yet!, Mar 9 2003
By J.J. McCullough (Vancouver, BC) - See all my reviews
This is truly one of the best books ever written about Canada.
Forget the pretentious pontifications of Pierre Burton and Margaret Atwood, this book tells the real story of Canadian society in hilariously frank language.

Will Fergusons really has a talent for writing hilarious, iconoclastic Canadian literature. "Bastards and Boneheads" was clever, "Why I hate Canadians" was funny, yet rambling, but "How to Be Canadian" is truly hits the mark.

The book is written in a very fast-paced, self-referencing, Dave Barry-eque style, with footnotes, script-style conversations, and hilarious chapter titles. Unlike some of the other Ferguson works, this is a book that is 100% humor, and contains no hidden morals or agendas. It's giant in-joke that only true Canadians can get.

I think one of the best parts was the province-by-province synopsis, especially his description of Prince Edward Island as a repressive police state unwillingly subjected to the massive personality cult of Anne of Green Gables. His ill-fated attempt to describe Canadian sex is similarly hilarious.

This is a book that all Canadians should read.

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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The hoser's guide to being Canadian, eh?, Jan 23 2003
By Veggiechiliqueen - See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER)   
I first heard about "How To Be A Canadian" on CBC's "Basic Black," in which Arthur Black interviewed the Ferguson brothers (Will and Ian) and they read some of the best parts of the book out loud. What can I say...I was hooked and rushed out to buy a copy at Chapters (Amazon.ca didn't exist then...sorry guys, I'm now a loyal Amazon.ca customer!). "HTBAC" reads fairly quickly, but it is an immensely enjoyable read, and explosively funny in spots (don't read this at work if you don't want coworkers giving you looks of sympathy after your random hyena laughter).

"How To Be A Canadian" conveniently packages our national heroes, cuisine, regional differences, literary endeavours, phobias, and odd social customs into a laugh-out-loud tome that is the literary equivalent of Timbits: tasty, bite-sized chapters on "Who To Hate and Why," "How To Waste Time Like A Canadian," "Mating Rituals," "Art and Stuff," "Progressive Conservatives, Responsible Government and Other Oxymorons," and "Twelve Ways To Say You're Sorry," along with how to insult Canadians, the official Canadian haircut and dress code (mullet, plaid shirt, skidoo boots with fake buckles), provincial "fact sheets" (Ontario: "Gaze Upon our Humble Magnificence and Bow Down Before Us!" Formal name: The Centre of the Universe. Provincial motto: "Celebrating over 100 years of narcissistic self-absorption") and more. To top it off the Ferguson brothers have written a clever little quiz at the end to test your Canadian knowledge (If you hear the name "Elvis" and immediately think of figure skating, give yourself one point. If you still don't know what the capital of New Brunswick is, give yourself 10 points. If you can't remember if you curled or not, because of how drunk you were: 50 points) You get the idea. Nothing is sacred for Will and Ian, which is what makes the book so funny.

So, if you're American and want to learn more about those mysterious neighbo(u)rs of yours to the north, this is the book for you. If you're a Canadian who needs a quick reply to "What makes a Canadian" (other than *not* being an American), this book is for you. I have bought "How to Be A Canadian" for a number of friends with different tastes and it's been a success all around. A funny, thoughtful book that hits the mark on all the issues and is certainly entertaining in the process (that's PROcess, not prahcess, eh?) Have fun, and good luck to any Future Canadians out there!

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Most recent customer reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Laugh 'till it hurts
I am about halfway through this book and it is one of the top funniest books I've read. I love Will Ferguson, so having the tag-team comedy duo of Will AND Ian Ferguson is a... Read more
Published on Jul 3 2007 by Lauren Martin

4.0 out of 5 stars A book that will make you laugh, but not one you willl learn a lot from...
"How to be a Canadian", written by Will and Ian Ferguson (both Canadian), is a short book that aims at making you laugh by making fun of some stereotypes regarding Canada and... Read more
Published on Mar 16 2007 by bel_78

4.0 out of 5 stars great book
This is a great funny book its hard not to laugh at our selfs
for some of the stupied things we do. Read more
Published on April 25 2006 by Kirk M. Carr

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious book on Canadian life and culture
Whether or not you are Canadian, or have even been there, this book is funny. Nothing is safe from the Ferguson brothers. Read more
Published on Jan 20 2006 by C. Hill

5.0 out of 5 stars Can you make love in a canoe?
If you can, then this book's not for you! Wil Furguson's book is a tongue-in-cheek preview of what to expect in each province. Read more
Published on Jan 4 2006 by Cielledee

5.0 out of 5 stars Very entertaining...I see myself in this book often
This was hillarious. Reading it I was constantly saying to myself..."Wow, I do that, I say that, Jeans, wool socks and flannel shirts are really great". Read more
Published on Jan 14 2005 by Melissa

5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for every Canadian
If you laugh at Royal Canadian Air Farce and enjoy tongue-in-cheek self-deprecating Canadian humour, this book is definitely for you. Read more
Published on Nov 12 2004 by Elizabeth

5.0 out of 5 stars So True!
I thought this book was wildly entertaining and hilarious. It may poke some fun at canadian things, but they are so true and you can't deny it. Read more
Published on April 29 2004

5.0 out of 5 stars I think this is a great book, eh.
I bought this book as a gift for my Dad.. and then decided to "look it over", to make
sure it was appropriate. Read more
Published on Dec 18 2003 by gilbert_grape

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious...even for a 14 year old
When my best friend turned 14, she had a big party and invited all of our closest friends. The funny one who enjoys buying presents at the very last minute (Catherine NOT YOU... Read more
Published on Aug 26 2003 by Kelsey

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