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The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond

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The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond (Paperback)

by Patricia Evans (Author)

4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (153 customer reviews)

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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Patricia Evans
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Product Details

Paperback: 222 pages
Publisher: Adams Media; 2 edition (Feb 1 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1558505822
ISBN-13: 978-1558505827
Product Dimensions: 21.3 x 14 x 2 cm
Shipping Weight: 295 g

Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (153 customer reviews)

Amazon.ca Sales Rank: #27,179 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Popular in these categories:

#7 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Mental Health > Abuse & Self Defense > Domestic Violence
#10 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Psychology & Counseling > By Topic > Intelligence
#23 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Abuse

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Product Description

From Amazon.com

Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?

If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.

From Library Journal

This unique self-help book for women provides insight into "psychological repression," the demeaning put-downs and threats that may accompany or precede physical battering.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

153 Reviews

5 star:		(107)
4 star:		(17)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(7)
1 star:		(18)

Average Customer Review

4.2 out of 5 stars (153 customer reviews)

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1.0 out of 5 stars Valuable Subject ; Extreme Anti-Male Bias, Oct 30 2007

By	beyelie (San Rafael, Ca) - See all my reviews

Evans had a golden opportunity to address the issue of verbal abuse but failed miserably in every conceivable manner. Read this book only if you want to read constant male-bashing on nearly every page. Her writing is influenced by her religious beliefs.

Evans provides no alternative explanations; no other viewpoints, no other possibilities; no other considerations other than her unsubstantiated opinions. Here are a few quotations that exemplify her bare-faced anti-male bias:
Without men willing to change we would have no change in the world.
2) . . . it's about men changing because I have never seen a woman, who is really abusive to her mate, change.
3) Men are their own best authority on their experience of verbal abuse in relationships and would be the ones to best describe their experience. I have little if any information on this topic. From what I have heard . . . You may want to carefully reread that quotation. Her saying this is nothing short of astounding.

In this single sentence, Evans manages to undo every argument, premise and fact she presents in her entire book. Men are their own best authority, but they are in denial, are not willing to change, are not motivated, are angry, refuse to discuss feelings, feel good about verbal abuse, act like nothing happened, like control, and feel happy (Evans words). Absurd does not begin to describe her position.

Evans repeatedly presents wholesale opinions as facts. She presents no support or evidence other than rhetorical and anecdotal stories. She plays with the emotions of her readers. Evans has no relevant education, training, qualifications or credentials.

This book is based upon my interviews of 40 verbally abused women. She then makes a sham of statistics by extrapolating her results to the entire population of men. She has no understanding of statistical methodology. Evans cherry-picks information and definitions that support her position while excluding other highly relevant information. She peppers numerous logical and pragmatic fallacies throughout. Evans shows extreme naivety and lack of basic research in many parts of her book.

In a major blunder, Evans completely ignores discussing mental illness which can be a very a significant factor in what she dismissively labels as verbal abuse. This can be true for both partners in a relationship. Given her generous use of absolutes in defaming much of the behavior of men, she has probably done a gross disservice to women by encouraging them to leave a relationship that could have been saved. This book is painfully and obviously written by a woman to women. Do yourself a favor and look elsewhere.

P.s.: I emailed her twice asking for information and in order to allow her the opportunity to respond to and clarify some of my questions. I never received a response.

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1.0 out of 5 stars question about the book ?, Sep 2 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond (Paperback)

Is this book to encourage women to leave their husbands ? or is it to show women how to deal with their husbands ? I don't want to leave my husband, but I want to learn the skills to deal with his comments ? would I have been better off with the other book by Evans ? Controlling people.

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2.0 out of 5 stars Not For Christians, Jul 16 2004

By A Customer

As a Christian woman, I can tell you this book helped me identify that my husband's behavior had nothing to do with submission, but was/is verbally abusive. But that is the only good that came out of the book.

Because she seemed to have some sort of insight to what I was experiencing, I felt I would be able to get further advice on how I as a Christian could get help and/or support. I quickly found out that there is no other way but her way.

She addresses control in her book and identifies control as an abusive tactic. What I find interesting is that she exhibits control amongst those that accept her ideals set forth in her book. An example being, when a negative review shows up here, she goes to her bulletin board, requesting her posters to post positive reviews, which in other cases that do not pertain to her, she would label as manipulative.

She and her followers believe that the abused, because they have been abused, have a special license to be offending and in fact may be abusive to others, because they are victims and should be understood. They will emphatically deny that abusers can change. Although the odds are slim, some abusers have changed.

I would strongly recommend that no Christian read this book. It appears innocent enough on the surface, but once you begin to delve deeper, you will find that she, her following and ideals set forth is cult-like in nature. No other views are accepted, but labeled as abusive and slowly the attempt is to brainwash the reader.

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Most recent customer reviews

1.0 out of 5 stars Bad Advice
Evans' advice to tell your abuser to "STOP IT!" is laughable. As a woman who has had years of experience dealing with a verbally abusive husband, I can tell you this... Read more

Published on Jun 30 2004 by Out of keeping with the stock ...

5.0 out of 5 stars Crystalizes ungraspable experiences
Pick up this book if dealing with your partner brings up feelings of your ineptness in his/her eyes, invalidation, FEAR, oppression, disenfranchisement to feel your feelings, a... Read more

Published on Jun 30 2004

5.0 out of 5 stars The Verbally Abusive Relationship
This book changed my life. It helped me to identify and analyze my own verbally abusive relationship. Read more

Published on Jun 24 2004

4.0 out of 5 stars A Good Place to Start
This book was instrumental in helping me realize what was going on in my marriage--I recognized my (ex)husband and myself on almost every page! Read more

Published on Jun 24 2004 by Becky